Give me one good reason

I think I've got to slow down. I am so tired, I don't seem to have the energy.

I'm working extra hours doing clinics as one of the physiologists is away for five weeks over Christmas/New Year.

My three week holiday at the end of next week cannot come fast enough. I used to take holidays all the time in the UK, but I don't think I have done much holidaying since arriving in NZ. I've collected so much vacation time in the last two years. Luckily we can role it over from year to year.

Respectful tact pays off

I view the improvements going on within the Sleep Clinic as a microcosm of the current/future improvements going on in the world.

The red-tape and bureaucracy of the hospital has always had us scratching our heads with its complicated pathways of getting anything done. The Sleep Clinic used to mirror this, but is now flowing better and is completely transparent.

Laurie Penny: The Unforgiving Minute

I came across this excellently written article. She has nailed it in a way I've never been able to express.


Longreads November 2017

“I’m sick of being asked to suffer so a man can grow.”

– Alexandra Petri

“Everyone. Fucking. Knew.”

– Scott Rosenberg

This is actually happening.

Change all change

Woohoo!

I got it.

I cannot tell you how much the wait has been preying on my mind.

Change of mind-set

We have some new neighbours that moved in about two weeks ago.

They've had more fights than the amount of days they've lived there. There are two little kids that the woman yells and swears at regularly, when she is not screaming at the guy, who never seems to say anything but leave the house, before slamming the door that the whole neighbourhood reverberates with.

Redwoods Treewalk, Rotorua, New Zealand

Mid July we went to Rotorua for a weekend - Ash, Traev, Jack, Greg and I.

One of the places we visited was the Redwoods Treewalk. I have a fear of heights, but was determined to do it. Wasn't too bad until they started jumping on the rope walks which freaked me out somewhat!

Oh and it was bloody cold...obviously as it was the middle of winter!

Long eventful winter

It's been a long and very eventful winter down here in the southern hemisphere.

Taking on the position of Team Leader, completely making over the Sleep Clinic - how it operates, it's protocols, re-arranging the configuration of rooms, interviewing and training new staff, meeting after meeting, etc., feeling so knackered after long hard hours of work putting everything into place. And then to top it all, our daughter leaving to go back to Sydney, the neglect of my husband, son and daughter. Pure exhaustion trying to fit in Skype conversations with family and friends in other parts of the world, juggling visits with family and friends here. Mostly everyone has been very understanding, supportive and not too demanding as I find my feet. It was my need to always be perfectly on top of everything that was not only (I realise now) impossible, but silly. But...I'd do it again in the blink of an eye.

I'm still standing

I am loving every moment, well most moments, in the position.

I've always been shy and, what most would call, aloof. That has changed without me noticing. I find myself being pushed into situations with strangers and to my surprise, I'm okay with it.

The British-ness of being British

Every so often, I get hit with a wave of homesickness for the UK, for being surrounded by British-ness, English accents in all their various forms, the subtle and not so subtle humour, the ability to laugh at themselves, English gardens, houses...just everything, including the weather.

De-cluttering and moving forward

The first two weeks in the position of Acting Team Leader has been quite a challenge, an exciting challenge. I was starting to get a bit bored with my job, feeling like I needed more stimulation and boy, did I get it in bucketloads!!

The next stepping stone

It's been an up and down week full of surprises and uncertainties.

I'd not heard anything from the business manager since her answer to my email last week. I was starting to worry that maybe I was jumping the gun in assuming.

Acting Team Leader proposal

I took the bull by the horns yesterday afternoon.

Quite simply put, it seemed that nothing was being put in place once our manager leaves tomorrow. Place is in an uproar cos no-one is taking charge and making decisions.

It is stressing everyone out.

Personalities and perceptions

Personality profiling has come to my attention again.

When my kids enrolled at the Steiner/Waldorf schools in South Africa (and later in the UK) they used this profiling to understand each child in the class. I found it fascinating.

Gridlock and Responsibility

Richard's in Melbourne this weekend. Says it's a great city with a good vibe.

But...he misses Hamilton and its laid back life.

Haha...I said I'd gotten a bit freaked this last week as instead of 5 cars on the road there were 10!

Smoke and mirrors

We had our second meeting early this morning. It was very long and extremely fruitful.

The whole change is and has been handled with compassion and understanding, and....they listen, actually listen, take note and ask for/make suggestions. Things are crawling out of the woodwork that have the managers going :-0.

Lawn mowing service

Greg and I have this ongoing "growly" issue about the lawn mowing service.

They've been mowing the lawn every two weeks (except winter time) since I moved in March last year.

He hates that we are paying someone else to do the lawn. Why? I still haven't gotten a proper answer from him and every two weeks when they come to do it, we have this growly session about it.

Scurrying back to that which we know

Have you noticed that the energy feels lighter this week?

Richard and I (working at night) have been discussing the energies lately. Last week we both felt dragged down, heavy and desperate to get back to where we thought we belonged. Me back to the UK, him back to Texas to be with his family. I half filled out the job application for the deputy manager job and he contacted recruitment agents in Texas.

Community spirit

A few Friday's ago, Ashlee, Traevis and I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. Since then the song Brandy You're a Fine Girl has been playing in my head ALL of the time. I even wake to it...lol. We all really enjoyed it's lightheartedness and the amazing music. In fact, I think it is far better than the first one.

Exhausted, over tired and yet very positive

It's been a while since I last posted anything.

I find myself going "yes that's an interesting article to upload" and by the time I get around to doing it, it seems irrelevant, so I don't bother.

That's how fast things are moving for me...and I reckon for most of us. We cannot keep up!

We can barely hang on to this roller coaster, let alone take time to stop and smell the roses.

New improved being

I've been on-call since Wednesday morning. Unfortunately, it's difficult to do much. We've been out at dinner and I've been called back, in the middle of my meal, by the hospital to attend a patient in the High Dependency Unit. So as a result, I try not to organise much for these times.

Of course now that we are one woman down, we will be on-call more often.

Masculine and feminine energy working in harmony

This past week has been an interesting experience for me.

My hubby and I always work together in harmony.

So to work with another man in harmonious ways has been quite a revelation for me.

Moving forward in harmony

Change has moved so fast at the sleep lab, that we are still spinning.

Tuesday evening when I walked into for the night shift, the day physiologist was still there. He was buzzing with the news. True to his word, the lead consultant had taken everyone aside on Tuesday and told them what was happening. I found out the following morning that he'd even invited the rest of the staff to the meeting. Way to go!

3D way of working?

Since I've said yes and taken action to apply for perm residency, things have started moving at a fast pace.

During the course of last week, the stress and despair reached an all time high. When I walked into the department to start my night shift, the day physiologist was still there and in such a state as he poured his heart out letting slip about his plans to leave. Richard experienced another walking out from a stressfully overbooked clinic a day or two later.

Polysomnography/Sleep Studies

This is a short video (only showing partial wire-up) from the European Respiratory Society showing what I do at night as a clinical physiologist, i.e. body measurements during sleep. A ways into the video you will see all the equipment hanging on the walls behind them which need to go on the patient. I often get asked overall how many electrodes are placed on the patient. Don't know! I've never counted them. I keep meaning to but always forget.

The world is our oyster

Oh my gawd!  I just submitted my Expression of Interest and, if selected, will submit application for permanent residency for NZ.

It has been another rollercoaster to get here. I tell ya, things are not as straightforward as it may seem, lol.

So, I thought everything I needed had fallen into place, but my emotions and mind took me on another spiralling ride to, I don't know where, before throwing me down in a mangled blubbering heap.

Finger chop

Lol - this memory came up on FB this morning...

One week away on a roadtrip

We are leaving tomorrow morning (Monday 20 March) very early to start our roadtrip round the southern end of North Island.

We are driving the Forgotten World Highway to New Plymouth and from there...who knows.

Birthday wishes

Happy birthday to my lovely hubby, Greg.

Early morning breakfast outside in the sunshine

and later this evening ...

dinner at an Italian restaurant with family and friends.

Decision made

I've plumbed the depths of indecision.

Vacillating between staying and going. None of this was Greg's stuff, it was all mine. I had to process my way through this indecision. It's always so difficult when there is too much choice.

Boredom

I'm hankering after my old job and have been for a while. Despite that position being stressfully busy, we always had a laugh, socialised a lot and had fun blowing off steam. There is nothing like that here, although I do get on with everyone, but unfortunately there is no tight cohesive camaraderie, no happiness with what they do. It's just a job that brings in money.

Mom and Dad Taxis

I'd forgotten how much Ashlee and I used to borrow each other's clothes/shoes when she lived at home in the UK prior to leaving for Oz.

Now that she is here, she is borrowing my stuff ALL the time. Lol...

Sleep studies funny

One of my ex-colleagues (from UK) took this picture on a pharmacy window in Australia where she is currently on holiday and posted it to my timeline on FB.

Yep that's what we do as sleep physiologists. We monitor the physiology of the body during sleep.

Who decides?

I've often wondered who decides when a meal is an epic meal that should be cooked/presented a certain way.

Greg was watching a cooking competition taking place in Australia. I happened to sit down and hear one of the judges said that ribs should be done this way and when bitten into should feel such and such.

All change, the old train has broken down

I'm rather overwhelmed by change - it is a deluge, I am drowning and all kinds of clueless as I try to figure out how me and my abilities fit into this new landscape.

The way I understand it is that we are creating in each moment. There is a good reason I have no time to sit down and meditate or think about it. We've spent so many years meditating, dreaming and creating intentions, preparing ourselves for the day when we'd live as we are truly meant to. Concious creators.

Butterfly lips

So, my nickname is "butterfly lips".

Lol...

My hubby, being from a Malaysian background, loves curry in all its forms. I'm not particularly enamoured of it, but will eat if I have to. He has to tamp down the heat for me when he cooks, otherwise my butterfly lips will die a horrible death.

I get knocked down

Songs seem to be my messages lately. I'd get frustrated cos I'd know the tune but not the words, so couldn't always find the song.

I woke with a song in my head yesterday after sleeping the day away. And the name of the band popped into my head to, which was very nice.

I get knocked down by Chumbawamba...haha.

It's a theme song for us these strange days.

Wind up artist

Lol...hubby on FB is such a wind-up artist.

He always puts up stuff that makes him come across as a bit of a dick, a MCP of the highest order. So much so, that one of his cousins wrote something on his wall about how to treat a woman.

Zealandia - part of Mu?

This was on the news this past week.

New Zealand is part of a sunken continent. Lemuria?

Zealandia: NZ could be sitting on the world's newest continent

17 February 2017

Between the eclipses...and all that lovely "stuff"

Hoo boy!

This time between the eclipses is really something else.

I got to work yesterday to find out my two colleagues had called in ill. My boss says, "You'll be okay. You have to be, cos there is no-one to take the load off."

Don't Lose that Number

This latest breakthrough has placed our relationship on a very different level, which of course it would.

After this past week's radical movement, I finally understand the song Stand Tall that I heard one morning. I now recognise that within I was losing the battle of faith on both on the work front, our relationship and probably a few other things I've not thought of.

The selfless masculine

I've not written in ages about lovemaking.

Mostly because life with the new entity it has been a little personal and we've been getting to know each other in many different ways, let alone lovemaking.

Claws out, clinging to the old

This week has been rather different.

Greg has been away and I've been working night shifts.

I get home in the morning and both children have left for work. When I leave for night shift, neither of them are home yet. I am aware that they've been at home at night, cos I see the evidence of cleaned dishes laying on the sink draining board, a cup on the lounge table or any number of other things. But come the daytime, they are gone.

Challenging my beliefs

Greg and I spent this last weekend in Raglan, a small arty surfing seaside town on the West coast of New Zealand, filled with backpackers from all over the world. I really love Raglan. We normally just go for the day, but decided to actually book a bach for the weekend.

I am glad we did. We discovered another waterfront area with restaurants and shops. It is far bigger than I realised from our day trips.

It was lovely to spend time together, just the two of us exploring each other...and the countryside :-).

And...guess what?

The good, the bad and the ugly

I woke with the chorus of this song running around in my head -

"Stand tall, don't you fall oh, don't go and do something foolish
You're feeling it like everyone, it's silly human pride
Stand tall, don't you fall. don't go do something you'll regret later
You're feeling it like everyone, it's silly human pride"

Eh?

Expressions of love

So, this morning I woke with the Rolling Stones song Harlem Shuffle playing in my head.

I don't always notice songs playing in the background of my mind until something occurs that brings it to the fore.

Birthday

Today is my birthday.

 It's the first time in seven years that all four of us are together for my birthday.

This time last year, I was on my own in NZ.

The new human template

It has been very interesting discussing with friends, the lack of muscle pain after extreme exercise.

Only a small handful have experienced what I have (see previous post), some mentioned no difference at all, whilst others have said it seems worse.

Of those that experienced the change, a large proportion hadn't even noticed it until I pointed it out.

Hakarimata Summit Tracks, Ngaruawhia, NZ amongst other things

I have no idea why...or maybe I do...I am being pushed to be fit.

Actually now that I ponder it, I've been thinking over the last month that I need to get myself very fit.

So of course, my higher self listens to what I want and gives it to me in buckets!

Beliefs and propoganda

It's been quite strange having Ashlee back at home.

She left in 2010 for a gap year in Australia and just never came home. Love got in the way :-)

Up until then, we'd been a balanced home of 2 males and 2 females. Once she left it kinda felt like I was driving a car with only three wheels. I found myself living in a house full of testosterone, Greg and Traevis head butting all the time, me in the middle trying to calm things down. It took us about a year to adjust to the unbalanced energy.

Growing through adversity

Time to "work"

In the build-up to my one year anniversary arriving in NZ, my digestive system has been a bit...um...awkward, combined with a slight headache that'd pop in and out of my day/night.

I don't normally have a digestive problem unless there is something big going on, as in massive re-arranging in my body.

I've been having a great time all year since I arrived. It has felt like a holiday. On the odd occasion I'd have to do a bit of esoteric work, but mostly it has been a "work" free/"being in service" free time.

Waiorongomia Valley Gold Mines, NZ

Greg, Ashlee and I went to Te Aroha (means the loving in Maori) to go walking, or "tramping" as it is called here.

We wanted to climb Butler's Incline, something we'd planned for a while but never got around to doing.

We knew it would be difficult, lol, but had no idea how difficult.

One year anniversary

Celebrations!!

I arrived in Auckland one year ago today, to start my new life.

Can you believe it's been a year?

I can't.

It's flown by.

Am I pleased we made the move? Yes is the short answer.

Health and healing

I have been reading three books at once.

Lol...this reminds me of my first days on this journey, devouring as much reading matter as possible to fill up that insatiable desire to understand.

The first book I received as a gift at Christmas called Show Me the Money, Honey by Ian Wishart.The second was something I came across randomly called The Divided Mind by Dr John Sarno and the third is Molecules of Emotion: Why You Feel The Way You Feel by Dr Candace Pert.

Leylines

I wondered this morning as I was vacuuming, how come I'd not seen any info on leylines in New Zealand.

So I turned to Google

Post sad times

Today is a far smoother day, the feeling of hopelessness and lethargy taking a back seat.

I started getting a sore throat yesterday from the bottleneck of unexpressed grief. I was so tired of the waves of sadness, the constant welling up of my eyes and the permanent lump in my throat. But as the throat was getting worse, I had to give in and cry some more.

Sad times

Today is a day for listening to Enya.

The past few days have been filled with grief.

Sense8

Our daughter (and many friends on FB) has been raving about Sense8 for a while.

Greg, Traevis and I finally sat down and watched a few episodes on Netflix. It was very slow in the beginning but by the 5th episode it all started coming together.

This and that...

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

I unexpectedly find myself chanting this at odd times.

Many years ago, when Ashlee was a teenager still at home looking for "something", a friend of mine who is Buddhist, suggested that she attend some of the meetings.

To permanent residence or not...

Something is pulling me away from applying for permanent residency.

I currently have a three year visa that allows me to work and live here in NZ. I can renew this, so its not a problem as far as staying here is concerned. Our plans were to apply for permanent residency - I have enough points to do so. But...

It's this niggle that I spoke about before.

Mount Pirongia, New Zealand

A short walk through another stunning forested area (of which there are many). It was lovely and cool.

Wairere Falls, New Zealand

We took a drive to Wairere Falls. It was meant to be a gentle walk up to view the falls.

Luckily my common sense (named Greg) told me to take a pair of hiking trainers with "just in case". Glad I did, and that I actually wore them. Good thing I listen to my common sense, eh?

How Bizarre

The song "How Bizarre" has been floating around in my head for days.

Life is taking/going to take, what many of us are experiencing/will experience as rather bizarre twists and turns over the next few years. These may turn out to be oft said words for me...lol.

Lavender farm, Waikato, New Zealand

I've always had a dream of living on a lavender farm in...France.

Who knows if that will ever happen. Whether it does or not, I love lavender.

Greg knows about my lavender love and always manages to find a lavender farm for us to visit, no matter where we are in the world.

True to form, he found one close to where we live in the Waikato. It's very small, but beautiful.

Looking back: 2007 to 2016

It's been a time of reminiscing, going back over the last 9 years to see how far we've come.

We arrived in the UK in 1998 with nothing but four suitcases of clothes and toys having left everything behind (including debt) to start afresh. We also had very little money, but as money was freely abundant in the forms of loans without security and we went crazy...as you do coming from a closed society that had been in isolation due to sanctions.

Growing, culling, time out, regrouping, rejuvenation and regeneration

We discovered a ground covering that has prickles. Now that it's summer we are walking barefoot on the grass and this is how we found out about it.

So, as Greg had been using white vinegar to get rid of other "weeds" with great success, I thought I'd give it a try. Getting rid of weeds is a sore point - what is defined as a weed? Every country has their version of a weed. What one country believes is a weed is considered exotic in another. As far as I am concerned plants make their way to your garden because you need their uplifting vibration.

Karangahake Gorge, Coromandel, New Zealand

Greg and I spent the day here. Beautiful location of an historic goldmine and railway...and a very long walk that went on for kilometres.

Karangahake Gorge

Situated at the base of the Coromandel Range, the Karangahake Gorge Historic Walkway follows the old railway line between Paeroa and Waihi, giving access to impressive remains from the mining and railway eras.