Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, even with tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Thursday, 19 January 2017

Sad times

Today is a day for listening to Enya.

The past few days have been filled with grief.

Whilst I was at work on Tuesday evening, Greg contacted me to let me know that our brother-in-law passed away. It was very unexpected. Although he'd been suffering with Parkinsons for about two years, there was never any talk of death.

According to my sister-in-law, Greg's sister, it turns out he had a stroke. It was very quick. She is very pragmatic about it, I'm not sure she has processed the grief yet.

Greg says he is okay, although he came back from Tauranga where he'd been doing some business. Today he wondered whether he should get back to work. I persuaded him to spend the day just chilling. The grief is there somewhere. We all deal with it in our own way.

This is a couple who took the place of his parents when they passed on. They are approximately the same age as my parents.

Both his sisters are far older than Greg. He was a surprise to his parents, as they were in their mid 40s when he arrived and hadn't planned on any more children. He was specially created for me...or maybe I was "accidentally" created two years later for him :-)

His father died of cancer a few years after we married, his mother suffering with dementia until she passed away a year later. Even though his mum lived with us for approximately 8 months until just before Traevis was born, I never really got to know the real people beneath the illnesses.

But I got to know his older sister and her husband very well. Both extremely generous welcoming people, although Rudi in his Austrian-ness initially seemed really scary to me. But underneath that very sharp pithy exterior was a heart of gold, a real softie and once I realised this, it was far easier to accept him as he was.

It was Pat who, when I suffered with post natal depression after Traevis was born, pointed me in the direction of natural remedies. She referred me to a friend who did reflexology and flower essences. And for this I am eternally grateful. She started me on my path and has always been very supportive of my strangely wacky ideas. This, despite being a very devout Catholic. She has always been open to listening to something different. 

My heart breaks as I think of her. It is not so much the dead that I grieve for, but those left behind.

When Greg's dad passed away, it was his mother's bewilderment that really touched my heart. I remember being so overwhelmed with grief at the funeral. The idea of her being alone after a marriage that lasted more than 50 years. Funerals are always so final.

I felt the same grief when my grandfather passed away. It was my grandmother I felt for, the loss of her partner of 50 years and found it so difficult to comfort her when I was hurting so badly. Very selfish of me, I know.

I've never figured out why it hits me so hard - my grief running so deep. I suppose I see myself should Greg leave this planet - the loss of a great love, the total and utter despair, loneliness and fear looming ahead. It may seem irrational, but emotions drive us all.

I am so grateful that I got to spend some time with all of them in December 2015 before leaving for NZ.

Farewell Rudi. Thank you for blessing us with the gift of you.

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