Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

In a strange place

Lately I have been in a very strange place. Somewhere where I am so excited I cannot contain myself and yet at the same time my stomach is churning with…

Hmm…that was a five minute break of trying to figure out what I am actually feeling. I think the best way to describe the stomach churning is similar to the anticipation of something that you have been looking forward to for so long that you feel sick.

Everything seems so familiar and yet it isn’t. I have so much to say and yet when I sit down to type…there is nothing to say. How do you take ‘everything’ and condense it into a blog? How do you convey in a few words, exactly what it is you are experiencing?

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

The Karezza Method Index

For those who would like to read The Karezza Method by William J Lloyd (published 1931). Karezza is adapted from the Italian word 'caress'.

It is a state of BEing rather than DOing.

All the chapters are uploaded on this website.

The most beautiful description is in Soul Blending.

Monday, 28 May 2012

Plants...our supportive little helpers

Cranesbill geranium
I am sitting in the garden on this absolutely gorgeous spring day. It is too hot to be spring…but hey, we have not hit June yet…so officially it is still spring.

Once again this year, my garden surprises me. We have some new plants who’ve made their appearance and some others who have died or are dying.

I had small pine trees in pots and all three were dying. They have been with us for many years and each year we re-pot them but this year they finally said NO MORE. It tells me that there certain things in my life that I no longer have to worry about. Pine essence helps to clear guilt and therefore the pain that comes with guilt. I was very sad to say goodbye...but no amount of tender loving care made any difference.

The other bush that is dying is the Holly bush…noticed this last year. When we first arrived 10 years ago it flourished every year with leaves flowers and berries. So another energy that is dying…Holly is associated with anger.

Sunday, 27 May 2012

I fully accept the flame of life within me

I woke last night to the words, I fully accept the flame of life within me. It kept on repeating in my head as though reinforcing the words and after a while I could feel my body respond with a tingle of energy running up and down it.

I was too tired to ask what was going on…but this morning I did. Once again the integration of accepting full responsibility for everything in my life...and the acceptance that I really want to be here.

I have been a bit anchorless lately…sorta like I am floating somewhere but am not sure where. I experienced this after the 11/11/11 last year.

So yesterday I went onto YouTube to see if there was a message. The first one I came across was the Crimson Circle Tuning In Vol. 2 – The Feminine Speaks…yeah okay…didn’t give me an AHA moment…so I watched the first one and as I was watching it, I suddenly saw my face on there and next to it the words Channels Athena. I remember sitting there in a state of stunned shock for a few seconds before feeling the resonance of that image.

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Natural products

Over the last month…well, actually since we’ve been back from Oz…I’ve been using bicarb and vinegar to wash my hair and bicarb, cornstarch and coconut oil as a deodorant.

It has been an interesting journey into using natural products.

The deodorant recipe I got from my friend in Australia…but found that after I did the fast, my body seemed to change and the deodorant didn’t work. It reminded me a little of when I gave birth…because my hormones were all over the place as I breastfed I found that my underarm smell was very strong.

So I decided to experiment and put more bicarb into the mix…slowly increasing the doses. But I woke one morning with an itch under my arms…so I stopped. I left everything off for a few days so the area could heal and then resumed my normal deodorant.

Friday, 25 May 2012

Is It a Dream?

I woke this morning with this song running around in my head - Is it a dream by Classix Nouveau. Took me a while to figure which song it was, cos all I heard was ‘is it a dream’.

This week has been very dreamlike…almost as though I am not who I am. I’ve been very focused inward and on things which have eluded me in the past…which has surprised me. Every so often I wonder when the bubble will break.

And…then this morning…BAM…huge nosebleed…one of the signs for me that I have made a major breakthrough. I feel slightly shaky, as though my nervous system has taken a battering.

So…this gives me an idea of how permanent this state is. One of getting to know myself once again. In the ‘old days’ the changes were incredibly subtle so it took a while to notice, but these days the changes hit you with all the subtlety of a freight train ;-)

Monday, 21 May 2012

Rejecting a life of abundance in all its forms

The worthiness around abundance seems to have been a theme in the run up to the annular solar eclipse yesterday.

Abundance encompasses all aspects of our lives from money through to making time to honour ourselves for where we are. 

How many of us believe that we don’t have time to spend in our own company, or we don’t like our own company and would rather have something to distract us.

Once again it boils down to balance in our lives and with the new energies bombarding the Earth we are being pulsed to do something about it. If not, the things in our lives that we have not looked at will be in our face constantly…urging us to take a look. 

Ignoring it won’t send it away…it will simply grow until we have no choice but to take a look.

Everything in our lives is a creation of our thoughts and emotions…even if by default. How many of us know what thoughts and feelings are running around in our minds and bodies?

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Love in spite of what has happened

Hubby and I spent the day in Canterbury yesterday and went to the Cathedral.

I was very impressed. They closed off the walled inner medieval city to traffic. You have to park in carparks outside the city and then a bus takes you in. It is not expensive – a flat rate for the parking and bus. I first came across this in Polperro, Cornwall.

 It certainly makes sense – and something I wish they would do here in our town.

Anyways the town centre is full of narrow streets and old buildings overhanging – full of history. This is what I love about the UK and Europe – the history. Not all of it is good…but it is the architecture that really grabs me the most.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

The dance of LOVE

So what does this help for the ‘other side’ entail?

Well…from the beginning I didn’t know but was I surprised to find out. Not what I would ever have thought would be help…but you know on thinking about this it really makes sense. Gives me an idea why dancing and any other kind of body movement has been something I’ve paid attention to…and these days the need for it is morphing into something significant.

So from the beginning –

By them doing a ceremony to attract my attention it sort of pinged the last of my issue with money to the surface…so I thank them with gratitude for this. Many of the negative shadows have been created by us through our thoughts, emotions and actions.

But…we weren’t dealing with the shadows. We were dealing with actual entities…a far cry from a shadow.

Friday, 18 May 2012

The desire to be loved

Our desire to be loved stems from our separation from ourselves. 

We are not looking for that one true love that is a man or woman who will complete us. Deep down the desire to be loved is the pulsing need to return to ourselves.

We all feel so cut off. We look for answers outside of ourselves by finding that perfect man or woman who will make us feel good about ourselves.

Until we find and connect to our true selves…we will constantly be searching.

Way too good to turn down

This morning
This whole not worthy business has been puzzling me…and like a dog with a bone, I have been gnawing away at it to figure out what is going on.
The pressure from this state has been very very strong. Where the hell has it come from?
As far as I know I’d cleared all of this and even if I did have some dregs, it surely would not be this strong, so strong it is making me feel so wrist slittingly depressed. I have recently been rapped over the knuckles for attempting to transmute for the collective…so what is this? Could I be doing this without knowing I am?

Thursday, 17 May 2012

I am not worthy

I am not worthy…I am not of value…these thoughts were running around in my head last night. I still have some of them today.

Yikes…where did that come from?

Suddenly an overwhelming sense of being valueless hit me...has been following me…and some still does.

I don’t deserve anything in my life…the wonderful relationship I have with my hubby, the time that Vicky is devoting to teaching me, anyone who is a friend, the comfort that I experience, the love of all those in my life, the job that I have, my beautiful kitties…etc…the list went on and on.

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

God & Money - video

I was pondering this question of the scam thingie and went on to YouTube to see if them up there were trying to give me a message that I was missing. I am blocked somewhere but not sure where. I was thinking that it is possibly something I need to look at pretty quickly....and possibly it had to do with money. I applied this morning for Google AdSense...with great misgivings...but wondered if it was my own issues with money or was it something else.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012


Hmm…interesting morning.

I received a call about an hour ago from someone who said he was from the fire and police association and they had a journal that they published for their members...or something along those lines. The journal was looking for registered healers in my area that they could recommend for their members.

Most of their members i.e. fire and police suffered from stress, etc.

I would be the only healer they would recommend and would I like to place an advert in their journal which was due to be published on 20 May for £125 - http://crimesecurity.co.uk

Monday, 14 May 2012

Oh my word

Oh my word…I woke this morning feeling so sorry for myself.

A state of melancholy that I’ve not experienced for a while…and after the highs…this seemed to be really really really LOW.

As I brushed my teeth with a sorrowful movement, I felt things moving around my feet again. Didn’t bother to look…I knew who it was and just remember thinking, ‘*&%!, here come the police.

Yeah…I know…not a good place, but there you go…it happens…but there is always a reason.

So feeling really sorry for myself I sat down with my laptop, intending to eventually do a meditation…when a thought…one which I thought was merely to get me out of meditating, cos I was really happy to wallow…suddenly popped into my mind. Go on to Zingdad’s website - on Saturday, Zingdad contacted me, which was a lovely surprise. It is amazing how all of us are starting to connect and for which I am grateful.

Yeah, I thought, go on…foil them in their dastardly plot.

So I did and came across Shadb’s music. Hmm…I’ll listen to see what it’s like…anything to get out of meditating.

Meh…what did I know…I should know by now how sneaky I can be to me.

I clicked on the first piece of music without really reading what it was for – the Violet one. It was only later that I really looked at the description – works on the emotional body.

I sat quietly listening, only to find that the dragons were around me and were trying to align me with the light, cos of course I was off centre, wasn’t I. But hang on I was really enjoying wallowing, so I cut myself off from the meditation and decided to surf the net while I was listening to the music.

Didn’t work, did it? I could feel myself coming back into alignment. I then clicked on the Green music – haha…to do with the heart, mind and respiratory system – universal love. It was during this music that I found myself crying. My mother had sent me an email that started it.

I remembered all the losses we’d suffered…moving from South Africa to the UK, the loss of in every way - grandparents, hubby’s parents, our pets, living so far away from everyone…you name it, I cried over it. Surprised me as I thought I’d cleared most of it.

Oh woe is me :-(

So for good measure once the Green music was over, I played the Orange music – enjoy life. Hmm…not there yet, was I? So it made me cry some more.

It reminded me of the pure joy of playing with abandon, which I seem to have lost today. It prompted me to think of the days I spent in our family home in Cape Town. We had a huge garden filled with all kinds of fruit trees. My favourite was a Guava tree that I used to climb regularly…it had a branch that was my horse. I used to ride off into different adventures on it.

We also had a pergola covered in a vine that fruited green grapes regularly. My sister and I used to pretend it was a stage and we did all kinds of plays there…and our parents and relatives smiled and applauded through these extravaganzas. Happy times indeed…and it made me cry.

Oh to get back the pure joy of playing with abandon…and yet what is holding me back? Do I need to be a ‘child’ in size to feel this way? I feel the joy of being an adult…but do I get the same buzz that I had as a child?

As I was listening to the music, suitably restored to my equilibrium and no longer crying…I came across this article on Facebook about childhood - http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/whosInControl.html

Beautiful music by Shadb

I came across this music on Zingdad's website.

Violet - works on the emotional body, it is an invitation to become aware of our true nature, potential and individuality

Green - is related to respiratory system, heart and mind. Its harmonics carry a message of universal love.
Orange - invites you to enjoy life, stimulates creativity, it is a call from our inner child.

Ruby - is like a tuning fork that puts energetic envelopes into resonance; it gives the right note to the musical instrument that we are. It is the union of matter and spirit which promotes our inner balance.

Click on the above link to play the music...or you if you're adventurous enough and want to practice your French try this one La Press Galactique - which is Shadb's blog.

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Earth man

Last night’s sleep was pretty fragmented. I was so hot and my skin so sensitive that as soon as I pulled the duvet over (cos I was getting chilly), I’d heat up and feel like I couldn’t have anything on my skin at all. Ripples of energy running around just underneath the skin created a sensation of morphing within my skin.

Made me wonder what I’m becoming.

Anyways in the run up to last night I had a feeling yesterday afternoon that I needed to work on opening my hips and the first and second chakra…which I did with some yoga and dancing.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

It is hard to change a perception, isn’t it?

It is hard to change a perception, isn’t it? 

Hubby and I were discussing last night, the ability to focus on the positive attributes of someone, rather than on the negative.

For example, I could rant about my hubby in my blog…about the things that he does that irritates me….but I don’t.


Friday, 11 May 2012

I am everything that is in my life

There are certain blogs that I have stopped reading…mainly because there seems to be this blame culture going on…negative entities doing this and that to someone or another.

Blogs of those that I considered quite advanced…and yet when I see this, my alarm bells go off. But that is where they are and I cannot judge them for that….so I just rather don’t read what they write…cos that is not where I am.

I accept that there is interference…but quite frankly if I wasn’t attracting that attention through my energy…they wouldn’t interfere. It is up to me to make sure that I protect myself and not spew on about how they attack me all the time, because again...we are creating what we believe, aren't we? We need to accept responsibility for this and not lay blame elsewhere.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

I have spent the afternoon with Andrea Bocelli

It has been a wonderful afternoon of listening to Andrea Bocelli. His voice makes my heart sing and my eyes cry.

Trumpeting and other things

Hmm….have you ever had a dragon trumpet in your ear?

Ba’shiba seems to be pretty enthusiastic about EVERYTHING I do that is positive…and trumpets. It sorta rattles and buzzes around my body each time. Initially I found it disconcerting…now I find it funny.

I eventually asked her why and she said it was helping to reinforce my positive thought. Eh?

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Flu vaccine

This is the information from the box for the flu vaccine. Please read it through and then ask yourself - is this going to make you healthier?

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Dragons again

Hubby announced last night…after sleeping all afternoon…that he needed a full body orgasm to get rid of his illness. Hehe…never one to shirk my responsibilities…I agreed.

The sacred union was a gentle and sweet one of deep love. I was in charge and was DOing whilst he was BEing. I wanted the energy to move in a way that it didn’t give him a coughing fit…his throat being so sore and scratchy as it is…

Well, he certainly slept a whole heap better last night and looks far healthier this morning. Says one more day of resting and he will be good to go. My gift to hubby.

Brushing my hair this morning I felt many somethings on my feet and moving around. I looked down to find quite a few little dragons. Oh, here we go again.

Dreams and gemstones

Following on from my previous blog today…

I had two dreams last night that I recall vividly.

In the first one we were being stalked by baboons…although they didn’t harm us…merely followed us. I woke from this dream feeling rather disorientated and wary.

Unity of mind, body, spirit and soul

Hubby bought me Massive Attack’s CD – Heligoland the other day. I first heard Paradise Circus wafting out over one of the Bays in Sydney Harbour. I was hooked.

He was surprised to find it under Trance music. I have listened to the whole CD and love it…my latest favourite is Splitting the Atom.


So does this mean I am into Trance now? Hardly. But there are some songs that I do enjoy. You’d think I’d always enjoy listening to calming soothing music…but I don’t. I pretty much like all music and listen to whatever I feel at that time grabs me.

Monday, 7 May 2012

I'm gonna make you sweat

A 12 hour solid sleep has revived me. Yesterday I had no energy and felt like I was walking through a thick energy which left me feeling lethargic and unenthusiastic.

Time out :-)

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Downloading hieroglyphs

For years and years, every time I close my eyes, I can see fast moving hieroglyphics. They morph so quickly I cannot fully see each symbol…there are hundreds of them changing all the time. Mostly I’ve tended not to focus on them, but lately I feel I need to…and in fact I am managing to ‘see’ them properly even though they move fast.

It’s almost like a whole screen of these glyphs on the move…pretty much like a binary download on a computer. Hyper split seconds of movement. As I think about some of the symbols I can feel the synapses of my brain firing up.

Friday, 4 May 2012

Shakin' that ass

I’ve been so busy at and with work I’ve not had a chance to figure out what getting our colours was all about.

Haha…I woke this morning with this song running around in my head. It took me a while to figure out what song it was cos only one section kept looping around in my head.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Getting our colours

Hubby and I went deep into meditation yesterday. I sat between his legs and lent back against his chest.

I created a circle of protection and waited. 

Suddenly I felt something land on my head. My vision split and I found I could see myself from above as well as my normal vision.

It seemed to be a circlet of what I thought was gold. It was very thin and at the back had what looked like feathers made from this metal.

Instantly a long purple feather attached itself to the circlet in the middle above my brow. Slowly more appeared and it seemed I was wearing a headdress of all shades of purple – from pale lavender to deep indigo. I looked at hubby and he was also wearing a circlet but his was made up of the fiery red feathers.

Creating a beautiful life

Hehe…Zumba was very very interesting.

My body was up for it and we zoomed along nicely but every so often the brain popped up and screeched that it was impossible to do these things…and then I’d lose my connection and become all unco-ordinated legs, hands and hips. I’d then have to centre myself once again and connect with the teacher so that I could follow the steps…which I must say is full on manic from minute 1 until minute 55.

It was good practice for me on how to remain in sync with the energy...or if my brain got in the way…on how to reconnect and be in the flow again.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

An amazing dream

I woke from an amazing dream last night and still feel the effects of it now.

I was living in a community filled with happiness, joy and love. Everything we did was done from sheer happiness and this had a knock on effect in our world. Kids were happy, everyone was in sync…I cannot describe it…except to say it was felt deeply within my body.