Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Dawning of something new

So...here we are in Australia...again.

Last year when we came to visit, it took a while to adjust to the strong, slightly harsh energies. The Guardians of the land were distant, extremely formal and not too friendly.

This time feels so very different. We simply slipped into it - no adjustment necessary. The Guardians...wow what a radical change...far more relaxed and welcoming as though we have been pulled into the bosom of our family. It really feels like we've arrived home, not something I was expecting at all.

Monday, 2 December 2013

Recipe for homemade moisturiser

I have amended this a wee bit as I realised, rather belatedly, that it doesn't read very well AND that I left out one ingredient - oops!
I have been making my own cleanser and moisturiser for more than 20 years. I started doing this mostly because of the chemicals found in over-the-counter stuff. At least this way I know exactly what I am putting onto/into my body. I am constantly changing the recipe – our bodies like a bit of variety. Some occasions we made need more of one oil than of another.

Saturday, 30 November 2013

An oopsie that turned out rather beneficial

Yesterday I decided to make a new batch of moisturiser in readiness for our trip to Oz.

My hand slipped as I was putting the Sesame Oil in. It is usually a quarter teaspoon but it simply sloshed in - oops! Then I added the Vitamin E oil, intending to do a few squirts into the already melted oils, but blow me down...being a new bottle from a range I'd never used before I never realised that it didn't have a squirty top...and a huge blob (half the bottle) plopped out!

Universe in action - I wasn't really thinking about the need for protection whilst in Oz - the temperatures out there this time of year can hit the mid 40s (Celsius). I was simply doing it all by rote, having done it countless times over the years. I do change the recipe on the odd occasion, simply because the skin needs a change and sometimes I feel I need more of one oil than another. But when I do, I think about what I am changing.

Monday, 25 November 2013

Losing of part of me without loving it

I've had a very small sebaceous cyst in my hair for years. It's never bothered me and so I've ignored it...until a few months ago when it started feeling not 'quite right', although I cannot say what it was that made me feel that way.

I finally got my arse into gear and made a visit to the GP surgery. A minor op was scheduled and I had it cut out on Thursday on my way to work - a doddle I thought, like having a tooth pulled.

Hmm...once the local anaesthetic started to wear off, it really hurt like hell and I started to feel rather fluey. But, I figured, being at work until 10.30 that night would keep my mind off the problem and so I got on with it, ignoring the pain...all the while thinking I was being such a poop.

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Distributing the dramatic solar energies evenly

Over the last two weeks I kept getting a sore on the roof of my mouth on the hard palate - in the area where it meets the soft palate. Initially I thought it was merely because I was rundown or had eaten something that had caused it or it was part of the ascension symptoms (blah di blah di blah) and it would eventually heal and go away.

But it didn't. It seemed to get worse. In fact started to feel like a burn, was getting bigger and one section of my gum was also getting inflamed with what felt like a burn. 

It could not possibly be a burn, I thought. I tried to ignore it for a day or so, but the 'burn' thought kept bugging me. What could be burning me and why the top of my mouth?

Monday, 4 November 2013


Artwork of dropped coffee cup

I’ve not written for a while…mostly because there is nothing much to say…and yet there is. Anyways, much has been written by others and I have nothing to add to it…as I find myself fully immersed in something far beyond my ken.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

A level playing field

At times it feels like all the 'dark nights of the Soul' I have ever had are all combined into one at the moment, creating the most disconcerting place to be.

That which we are/were comfortable with, no longer exists and as a result I feel like I am back at square one - as though just starting my journey all over again - which we are. We might have a few years under our belts, but despite this, it seems we are all in the same boat, whether awakened or not.

Monday, 21 October 2013

Nature's loving embrace stepping up

Downstairs toilet/laundry room

The plants in my house and garden went into overdrive whilst we were away. As a result we live in an overgrown jungle both inside and out! While the gardener's away, the plants will play...

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Being in the joy of life

Chatting with a friend recently about my confusion about where I am going and what I am doing, she said, 'This is not like you.'

She's right. I haven't always been very very clear on where I am going in my life, but I've had at least a vague idea. Nowadays, I don't. Not even an inkling, which is rather disconcerting and freaking me out more than a little.

Another friend wrote that I had a whole posse of people waiting for us to be there with them.

Monday, 14 October 2013

The blip that is more...and yet not

Phew!! Being in an intimate relationship these days, negotiating the massive amount of clearing that the planet is experiencing with regard to this, is not easy. But then nothing worthwhile ever is.

I'd been noticing for a while many women I know are in 'anti-man' mode. Puzzled, I've wondered why I was seeing this as it is something I'd cleared many moons ago...but it has obviously been brought to my attention for a reason, so I've bided my time wondering when it would come to a head...or something along those lines.

I did mention a few blogs ago in the blog Open and Vulnerable about how the wrangle between male/female energy is hotting up, but it seemed a mere blip that would pass over pretty quickly - today I am not so sure.

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Dear Prudence

Sommieres, France - reflection captured by hubby

Prudence is a word that has been buzzing around in my head for many months, so much so that I keep hearing the song Prudence by Siouxsie and the Banshees. See below for the beautiful lyrics by McCartney/Lennon.

Today I finally decided to look up the meaning wondering if there was something I was missing. The first meaning that popped up on Google was: Acting with or showing care and thought for the future.

Funny that, I'd always thought that prudence meant something different. More like being too cautious or too unadventurous. Huh!

Thursday, 10 October 2013

The rocky road of love

Beautiful green butterfly we found on one of our walks in France

We visit France so often so we can connect with the feminine emerging like a butterfly from a cocoon, slowly recognising that this beauty resides quietly within us. These visits have never been a conscious decision - just something that sorta fell into place (according to my human self). It started off as a very delicate unnoticeable hum in the background growing stronger with each visit, thus becoming more evident within us...and we are not sure what to do with it.

This is our version of paradise. Many others might not see it this way - depends on their perception and what they feel is paradise to them.

As hubby and I peel away the layers of our being to find the authentic self, we have to flex and wiggle to fit into the expanded version of who we are individually, as well as a couple, and this is when the sticky bits can and do happen.

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Ready or not - here we come

Je t'aime on the boardwalk to Monte Carlo
This is sort of a continuation of my previous blog posted on 27 Sept - Open and Vulnerable.

This past weekend has been quite intense. Today has been a chill out day of R&R.

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Open and vulnerable

Last week, whilst walking along the beach at twilight, we came across a very large dead jellyfish in the shallows buffeted by the small waves. I've seen little blue bottles washed up on the beaches but never a jellyfish of this size - you'd be hard pressed to hold it with both hands without it spilling over the sides. It was opaque/white with purple edges.

Because it was so unusual, I figured that there was some kind of message, so I looked it up.

"Jellyfish: The transparency of the jellyfish teaches the inner source within each of us. We have an enormous amount of power within us to draw upon. We can turn on the light even in the depths of darkness through the wisdom the jellyfish. It often shows up just when you believe there is no hope left.

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Arles, France

In the shade of a fig tree in the Theatre Antique

Yeeks, man...feeling rather rough- or maybe not rough - more tired than anything. A night of chills and heat, that feeling of not being able to bear having even a sheet covering my body even when cold, together with a banging headache. And constant dreaming, very weird dreams when I did sleep. And this morning my little netbook was struggling. Sure sign that there has been an upgrade in energy.

Arles, France photos

Arles - "The city has a long history, and was of considerable importance in the Roman province of Gallia Narbonensis. The Roman and Romanesque Monuments of Arles were listed as UNESCO World Heritage Sites in 1981. The Dutch post-Impressionist painter Vincent van Gogh lived in Arles in 1888–1889 and produced over 300 paintings and drawings during his time there. An international photography festival has been held in the city since 1970."

This ancient city in the Camargue delta of the Rhone River, has a rich history that stretches back two thousand years.

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Vibrant soothing calm and peaceful...and some irritation!

Here we are in France once again, six months after the last visit. Lately each time we come here on holiday, the energy is different...although the change feels radically different, I can't quite pinpoint exactly what is different...or if it is merely me that has changed...maybe a bit of both.

I have so much to say about what I experience each time I get here...but I have no idea where to start or how to explain them. The natural beauty surrounds, soothes, brings pleasure and joy...and sometimes irritates me. I assume that too much happiness gets to those bits of me that aren't feeling joyful and nudges them into reacting.

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

An unexpected exchange of love

River running through the sanctuary

We walked around the Sevenoaks Wildlife Sanctuary on Sunday, and stumbled across a young rabbit that did not seem concerned that we were there.

It carried on munching on some leaves before turning around to face and cautiously hop toward me.

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

The faceted diamond

This [bottle] is about lifting yourself up even higher, loving yourself more completely, trusting your own guidance totally and taking all the steps you need to become who you came to Earth to BE!
This clear uplifting Diamond energy will support you and assist you to birth the 'real' you!
We are the pioneers, we are the way showers, no matter where you find yourself right now, or what your past has been....All of that was just a distraction and a learning period.
Step forward and take a very serious look behind your eyes and see yourself, really see yourself......
Go deep, into the oceans of your past and into your cosmic heart...Awake dear maidens awake...time speeds, yet life feels slow, delayed...patience and alertness needed.
Let life wash over you, but stand tall and strong. Align to the vision and purpose of the higher self and achieve through concentration of will.
Expand your capacity to love, be tender, compassion, tolerant and fearless. 

The DIAMOND DOLPHIN CODES will show you the way......Celia Fenn / Colour Matrix Essences

The above words and picture is something I saw on Facebook this morning and so falls into place with the homeopathic remedy that I am taking to help with change - (Adamas or Diamond Dust). My attention has been drawn to diamonds quite regularly lately.

Saturday, 7 September 2013


I am not gonna lie and say I was very masterful of my energy on Thursday night...because I wasn't. I was so far off being a master that it was/is excruciating for me to admit it to myself, let alone others.

It had absolutely nothing to do with the 'newbie' that my colleague has an issue with. Nothing at all to do with her...it's all my own stuff that came up.

Thursday, 5 September 2013

One of us

The theme of being a 'saviour' is taking me deeper and deeper each day, as lesson upon lesson and understanding upon understanding knocks into me. I kinda feel like a drunk person as I stagger from one experience to another whilst walking down the road of my life - first hit by the experience and then later by the understanding - only to be hit by another and another...and so the theme continues...each layer stripped away and exposing the next. States of being and doing that I have not noticed before to the extent that I am noticing it now.

Monday, 2 September 2013

Rising up to meet the challenge

We hold, in our hands, the potential for happiness and love. 
It is up to us to find it with-in the maelstrom of emotional signs we place along the way.

Have you ever noticed that when you get ready to make a big change in your life, everything seems to fall apart or life can suddenly get harder? It's a healing crisis which isn't a crisis in healing, it's a crisis in transformation. At the point where we are getting ready to step off of the cliff of disbelief and soar into the empty space of our potential (which is only empty because we haven't filled it yet), every fear from every past failure (or what we believe are failures) rises up to remind us that we 'can't', we night fall, or crash and burn. - Jennifer Hoffman 26 August 2013

Sunday 01.09.2013 - Hell man, these words would perfectly sum up the past week. I have been through many healing crises in my life, and have just gone through another one. I remember thinking to myself a few weeks ago, that if I am ready to move into the next phase, let me do so. And BAM! healing crisis...just to let me know this request was heard...and the change is happening!

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Medicine Woman

Walking through Oxford's botanical garden on Saturday, I realised that I don't want to be involved by simply growing plants for their beauty or to eat. I want to go back to my first love and use them for medicinal purposes.

I studied Herbal Medicine (Phytotherapy) whilst still living in South Africa, mostly because I felt it was time to concentrate on the physical body. I'd been immersed in meditation and finding out how to process emotions, but felt I was missing a link somewhere along the line. After that I combined the two and studied vibrational medicine for two years once we'd arrived in the UK.

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Detached and emotionless...and finally grief

The moon on Monday 19/8 taken from our back yard

Sunday was the start of a deep funk. I felt completely detached from everything and after being in such a wonderful place filled with love and happiness...this was a huge shock for me and my system.

Listless, feelingless and unable to settle on anything, I wandered around the house trying to figure out what was going on. I was a bit tired but then I'd worked on Friday night, not slept much on Saturday as my nephew and his lovely wife had come to spend the night. What I did feel was tense and still feel it today.

Friday, 16 August 2013

Under the microscope - Part 2

Following on from Part 1

I am going to shorten this as there is too much I could write.

My attention was then brought to clothes shopping. I'm not a clothes shopper. My passion has always been books, although that has dropped to a trickle these days as I am more particular about what I purchase. As for clothes, I'd wear them until they were threadbare. As I simply couldn't be bothered to spend hours trying on things, I'd grab something after a few minutes of browsing, try it on and become despondent because it didn't look anything like I'd expected. Mostly I'd walk out and not buy anything. So yeah, clothes shopping and I are not great mates.

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Under the microscope - Part 1

Now that hubby has firmly stepped into and is fully present in his masculine essence, I find myself on the back foot all the time. I'm not sure that I particularly like not being in charge. And yet ultimately this gives me the chance to be fully present and step into my feminine essence.

Relinquish control? Eh? Not on your nellie!

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Real Purity Deodorant Holistic Formula

In exploring and cultivating the relationship I have with my body (emotionally, mentally and physically), I do my best to make sure that what I put on and into it, is the best that I can at any given moment in time.

One of my challenges has been deodorants. For years I have tried all the alternatives available, including those recommended by others who swear by it, but I seem to have particularly stubborn under arms so none of them worked...until I found this by accident.

Sucking in my opposition to trying something so expensive, I ordered it and to my absolute delight have found that it does what it says...and smells great too.

Monday, 12 August 2013

Like a kitten wary of a new toy

Experiencing love...being whole, complete and fully present (as much as possible) with deep love for, not only ourself but with another, is a rather daunting prospect. It is surrendering ourselves to the experience of being in love with everything. No boundaries, no restrictions, no holding back. Simply being love in a sea of love.

Yeesh! Who'da thought that being love could be so exhilarating and scary at the same time.

The gentleness, total acceptance and unconditional love I received on Saturday from hubby has turned out to be such a turn on for me (blog Metamorphosis). Who knew?

Sunday, 11 August 2013


Tuesday whilst sitting in the garden, completely zonked from lack of sleep having worked the night before, I decided to tune into one of the patients that had been in for a full polysomnography wire-up.

Now I don't normally do this, because once I leave the hospital I like to shut the door until I arrive back for another shift. But for some reason or another I kept thinking about him and feeling I should be looking deeper.

He was born, grew up in Sierra Leone and had been through a great deal of horror during his childhood in that war torn area. As a result he suffers with night terrors and some insomnia.

Saturday, 10 August 2013


Hubby ambushed me today as I was hoovering the upstairs bathroom. He came up behind me, switched the machine off, gave me a big hug and kiss while shoving an ice cube down my trackpants.

The hoovering forgotten, I plotted and had my revenge, only to be ambushed, some time later in my rush for the toilet, by tripping over the vacuum cleaner patiently waiting for my return.

It seems Henry wanted in on the fun too!

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Is it possible to change the impossible?

How often do we think that some things are absolutely impossible to change?

I know that at times I have done...and still do. I have been given a challenge over the last two years that I am still working on...but I will discuss that at the end of this blog.

The subject of intimate relations seems to be a sore point for many. So often I see negative responses to some good advice. It is so easy to wrap ourselves in resentment, bitterness, anger and hatred, thus closing us off from change and moving on to better.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Wild Woman Wellness Blog: I am a Wild Woman

I am a Wild Woman
I know, inspite of myself
and in spite of what I've been told
that there's beauty in every age
no matter how old

David Deida: Extracts from The Way of the Superior Man

Chapter 18 
Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her 

A man gets resentful and frustrated with his woman when he is too afraid, weak, or unskilled to penetrate her moods and tests into love. He wishes she were easier to deal with. But it is not entirely her fault that she is bitchy and complaining. It is also a reflection of her lack of being penetrated by love. When a man resigns, and simply tolerates his woman’s self-destructive moods, it is a sign of his weakness. His attitude has become one of wanting to escape women and the world, rather than wanting to serve women and the world into love. A man shouldn’t tolerate bitchy and complaining moodiness in his woman, but he should serve her and love her with every ounce of his skill and perseverance. Then, if she cannot or will not open in love, he might decide to end his relationship with her, harboring no anger or resentment, because he knows he has done everything he could. The whole point of an intimacy is to serve each other in growth and love, hopefully in better ways than we can serve ourselves. Otherwise, why engage in intimacy if your growth and love are served more by living alone? Intimacy is about growing more than you could by yourself, through the art of mutual gifting.

One of the largest gifts you can give your woman is your capacity to open her heart when it is closed. Sure, she can get herself out of her dark mood, but your masculine thunderbolt of love can brighten her darkness in a way she can’t do for herself. If you are like most men, however, you probably end up feeling burdened by your woman’s mood. You feel your woman is a pain in the ass. You wish your woman would leave you alone and take care of herself. Eventually you feel worn down, or frustrated. You end up simply tolerating your woman’s moods, while resentment builds inside of you. You wonder, what’s her problem? Why can’t she just be happy? The feminine part of your woman is either opening  in loving surrender (easy moments) or closing in what ends up being an emotional test of your capacity to open her (difficult moments). 

This cycle of the feminine is like all cycles in nature: it never ends. The sooner you learn to embrace and dance with these moods of closure, the sooner both of you will grow beyond the psychodrama and see the humor of the play. Instead of tolerating your woman’s moods of closure and complaint, open her moods with your skillful loving. It is your gift to give. Both of you will grow more by your giving than by your tolerating. 

A superior man sees his woman’s moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement. There are many ways to creatively deal with her moods and help her to open. Tickle her. Take off your clothes and dance the watusi. Sing opera for her. Make animal sounds. Shout at her louder than you ever have and then kiss her passionately. Press your belly into her until she melts. Lift her off the ground and spin her around. 

Friday, 2 August 2013

New Energy

Over the weekend whilst I was lying in bed waiting for sleep to claim me I realised that the energy patterns I observe every day are far more tangible. This tangible overlay that we have around us is far more expressive and interactive, far stronger...and waiting for us to acknowledge it.

The patterns can and have changed daily, hourly or minutely, depending on the degree of doubts we carry and how often minds are changed. It is kinda like someone who has a beautiful custom-made dress that would mould itself to the person, in a way that their inner signature would shine out and impact on their outer world. And yet, believing they cannot have such a dress, chooses the ill fitting dress bought off the shelf.

Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Shall I Compare Thee To A Summer's Day?

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And Summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And oft' is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd:
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

Julie Piatt: 6 Ways to Experience Deeper Love and Intimacy in your Marriage or Relationship

I came across this on FB this morning and thought it was a good article to start this blog with. Julie Piatt has described (I think) very well what I have been blogging about in Portal to Love and Pleasure. This pertains not only to our intimate relationship, but to our relationship with both ourself and the World at large.

Monday, 24 June 2013

Aigues Mortes, France

Aigues Mortes - "Aigues-Mortes is located in the Petite Camargue some 90 km (56 miles) north-west of Marseilles and is a French commune in the Gard department in the Languedoc-Roussillon region of southern France. The medieval city walls surrounding the city are well preserved."

One of the many places in France that we have visited over the years. This was a winter visit.

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Preface channel from Athena

I am that I am. I am Pallas Athena.

Many of you know me in my capacity as the Greek/Roman Goddess of War, while others know me as one of the Lords of Karma.

I have filled many roles, but none of them are who I truly am - a small spark of the I Am presence. A creator god brought forth by the I Am presence in order that it may know and understand itself.

There is much speculation on Earth about which god or goddess fills what role. The truth is embedded in all ideas but as the layers of the veil are peeled away that which is the truth takes on a new meaning as the pictures become larger and more complete.

No one entity has the whole truth, each creating a piece of the puzzle.

Saturday, 6 April 2013

Carcassone, France

Carcassone - "The city is famous for the Cité de Carcassonne, a medieval fortress restored by the theorist and architect Eugène Viollet-le-Duc in 1853 and added to the UNESCO list of World Heritage Sites in 1997."

A walled medieval city with a poignant history.

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Cannes, France

Cannes - "Cannes (French pronunciation: ​[kan], in Occitan Canas) is a city located in the French Riviera. It is a busy tourist destination and host of the annual Cannes Film Festival and Cannes Lions International Advertising Festival. It is a commune of France located in the Alpes-Maritimes department.

The city is also famous for its luxury shops, restaurants, and hotels. On 3 November 2011 it played host to the G20 organisation of industrialised nations."

Saturday, 2 March 2013

Stillness and sight of the amazing potentials therein

I am in a place of stillness within. It is deep and all pervading, having no need for expression in the outer world...yet.

I've lost interest in many things that I used to enjoy...even writing. It is a transition time as the stillness shows me the potentials of what is within my grasp. My mind boggles, before making me smile with excitement and happiness at what I see.

Thursday, 28 February 2013

Washing up Bee Gees style


Last night hubby was singing to our 18 year old son about washing up to the Bee Gees - Staying Alive. It did eventually get a smile from him at his father's crazy dancing and singing.

Saturday, 23 February 2013

What do you REALLY REALLY want?

What do you REALLY REALLY want?

This question has been plaguing me quite a bit these last six months. I don’t really know as I have so many options facing me.

Blimmin’ indecision…

When I look at each option I feel a flush of - ‘yeah that’s it!’ and then the doubts set in.

The problem is that each one seems so very far apart from each other. I think I might have written about this before. It is as though I am supposed to do ALL of it despite the seemingly vast difference. And yet are they?

Everything in our lives and past lives are coming together for this specific time when things are changing. Each life might have been incredibly different from another for a very good reason. It makes us 'all-rounders' with vast amounts of experience and understandings.

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Friday, 15 February 2013

To hell and back...

We celebrated 26 years of marriage yesterday. I can’t quite get my head around that figure. It doesn’t mean anything to me…it is merely a number.
Rather when I think about all we have been through, it is then that it makes sense and I can relate.

Valentine’s Day - to us it is a Day of Love rather than the commercialisation seen. It is a yearly celebration of the day when we declared our love for each other as witnessed by others. 

I have no idea why we settled on this day as the day of the exchange of vows. The numerology of that date equates to a 5 (the party number and one of change - oh my, how much changing and partying we have been through and done), although at the time I did not know anything about all of this metaphysical stuff.

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Bridging the gap and the illusion

For years I could never figure out how meditation and sexuality fit together. 

Despite the practice of tantra, I could never quite ‘get it’. I knew much intellectually, but when it came to the true understanding from within, it wasn’t there. It simply confused me. How could I incorporate sex into meditation? How do we get from the BEing into the DOing without there being a definite line created when moving from one to the other?

It didn’t trouble me too much as I knew when the time was right I would find the answer. In the meantime I continued to experience them as two separate states. This may seem rather contradictory…but in spite of this, I still entered an altered state during love making. The separation and misunderstanding came from the mind which did not believe I could possibly be in both states at the same time whereas my body knew what was going on. There was no harmony.

Friday, 8 February 2013

Day of busy-ness


As I have had a long week of night, day and twilight shifts, hubby briefly told me this morning to make sure I catch up on my sleep today, coz tomorrow is going to be a hectic day celebrating my birth-day.

Won't tell me what we are doing :-) Love surprises!

Sunday, 3 February 2013

The pure joy and excitement of being in love

The pure joy and excitement of being in love with...

Joy, love and happiness when truly felt within, creates more love, joy and happiness. I can feel it underneath, even when in the middle of clearing my stuff. It sustains me and gives me faith to trust that eventually all will be well.

This afternoon when I came stumbling downstairs (I'd worked last night) I discovered that hubby had once again replenished the daffodils in all the vases. I'd been meaning to do so but kept forgetting. It was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. Such a simple act of giving had the gratitude and joy burst forth from my heart washing away the last of the dregs of negative feelings.

Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Competition laid bare

As I read this piece it opened the floodgates of something that has been buzzing around - competition:

'I often try to imagine a world where we are not in competition with our fellow humans, but where we truly, madly, deeply celebrate when they actualize some part of their sacred purpose. 

Imagine that. A world where we get excited for each other when we achieve, where we do not see anothers' accomplishments as a reminder of things we have not yet actualized, but as living proof that it is possible for all of us. 

I love it when people accomplish something they have set out to do, when the phoenix rises from the ashes with actualization on its wings. Let’s invite each other higher, lets encourage each other to believe in our shared magnificence!'  - Jeff Brown 

Tuesday, 29 January 2013

The amazing and insightful energy of Fear

Over the last week I have developed a deep and resonant appreciation for the emotion of Fear.

It seems that the further we move into 2013, more and more layers are revealed. As each one is exposed, I find myself admiring the incredible alchemy of each emotion that is housed within me and my energy field.

I don’t expect everyone to understand what I mean…that is okay…it is simply an observation I can make today as I contemplate what has happened during these last 7 days.

Since the kundalini activation, fear has made itself known very strongly in my world. Initially I assumed it was hubby’s stuff, but that came back to bite me on the ass, didn’t it? How can I be quite so arrogant as to believe he is separate from me and therefore whatever happens to him has nothing to do with me? It has taken me this long week to understand.

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

To be or not to be

To be or not to be…that is the question!


A few things that cropped up during my recent meditations, creating a frisson of recognition within me, was to do with why I am here. I’d always wondered what it was that I am supposed to do.

I’ve taught, counselled and helped many others on their way and yet over the last 4 years or so I’ve lost the need for this. I keep attempting half heartedly to resurrect it, but nada, nothing…which has puzzled me as the vooma has disappeared.

Kundalini and the Mother energy

Towards the end of last week I dreamt about my mother. I cannot remember the dream in detail but I recall the feelings of being so loved in every way. When I awoke the song ‘we’ll meet again’ was playing in my head. I didn’t think too much about it, wondering if I’d get to see my mom again as I’ve not seen her for about 4 years now, as they don’t travel much these days.

Huh…it was actually an introduction to a different Mother energy as I discovered on Saturday…

Kundalini energy – not something I’ve delved into in a deep way, I simply call it the creative energy. I am aware of it and that every so often when it is triggered I can really feel it. For the most part it has been an active surging energy for a moment or two before it descends back to the base.

Saturday, 19 January 2013

Tiger tail/tale

Going for a walk just after New Year was a very strange event.

As hubby and I were walking cars were driving by hooting and waving, smiles on their faces. Hubby kept asking me if I knew the people. Can’t say I did. Anyways, after a while it became a bit of a puzzle and had me wondering whether I had grown horns or a tail.

As we strolled back home the path narrowed so we were walking single file – hubby behind me.

I heard him exclaim and then start laughing so uncontrollably that tears were pouring down his face. He couldn’t talk but kept pointing at my backside.

The amazing alchemy that is life

The deeper we move into this month, the more I realise the energies with-in me have changed in a tangible way making everything so much easier.

For years, the clearing of negative emotional debris has been my focus. I’ve always wondered when it would end because it seemed to go on forever. It is still an on-going quest, but is, as I said, much easier and much quicker.

As time has gone by, I noted the changes with-in manifesting in my reality with-out. But it was so subtle that it was in looking back that I recognised how much I’d transformed.

Friday, 18 January 2013

Mac n Cheese...and a little compassion

Just finished preparing Macaroni Cheese for tonight’s dinner as I’m doing a split shift this afternoon/evening reviewing patients, so when I get home after the first half I can shove it in the oven to warm up and eat before getting back to work for the second half. 

How cool is this - the NHS pays me to make difference, but I don’t do it only in the way they expect me to. It is a mixture of physical, emotional as well as energetic.  

Thursday, 17 January 2013

An intimate meditation of love

I have been feeling tightly wound tension in my body very acutely since Monday. I've not been tired much. In fact I have been full of energy and buzzing, which made me wonder last night, as I tried to fall asleep, what the heck was going on.

Re-calibrating, re-generating, integrating and re-membering…again. Diving even deeper with-in.

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Good to stretch those muscles

I started Pilates/yoga class again on Monday after a six week break. This time instead of one on one, I am in a group mostly made up of women (with one lone man). 

My body was almost panting to get back. I kept on thinking and dreaming about the different poses in the week running up to Monday. It was great to stretch those muscles and body parts and although I was rather stiff from lack of use, I could feel my body going, ‘yeah, I love and missed this!’ Sorta surprised me.