Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Challenging my beliefs

Greg and I spent this last weekend in Raglan, a small arty surfing seaside town on the West coast of New Zealand, filled with backpackers from all over the world. I really love Raglan. We normally just go for the day, but decided to actually book a bach for the weekend.

I am glad we did. We discovered another waterfront area with restaurants and shops. It is far bigger than I realised from our day trips.

It was lovely to spend time together, just the two of us exploring each other...and the countryside :-).

And...guess what?

On Sunday, after we arrived back, I went jogging with Ashlee for the first time...ever!

We did a 3.5 km circuit of the local university. I had to stop a couple of times to catch my breath. I only did one circuit and waited while Ashlee did another, before we headed back home.

And once again, I haven't had any muscle difficulties, although initially I was a bit stiff after sitting for a while, but that was all.

I'm being pushed to do things I would never have thought possible. Each time something comes up I find myself stepping back into the comfort of "no, I can't" before taking a breath and thinking, "you know you can". Anything is possible, which is being proved to me over and over again. It is only my preconceived thinking that says I can't.

All the understandings of who I am are being challenged constantly this year. We are only into the second month and already it's like its been a whole year!

Prior to moving to NZ, if I felt off colour, wasn't at home or about to go into work, I'd ask my body to hold off with the change/illness until I had time to be with myself and process/rest. I've always done it and my body has been very obliging.

I used to suffer with migraines from an early age which were the bain of my life. I had a particularly bad experience whilst at college (this was when I was very young). I knew one was coming on but had to travel from the college in the middle of Cape Town city to Muizenberg which is a suburb of Cape Town. It took me about 1 and a half hour by train. The whole time I was getting worse and worse. Not only was my vision going, but I was extremely nauseous, in pain and knew that diarrhoea would not be long in following. By the time I stumbled into the house I could barely see, was in such agony, that I collapsed just inside the front door, unable to move.

I was staying with my grandparents at the time. They panicked, thinking I'd been attacked! It took me a while to explain and as my dad suffered with migraines too, my gran knew what to do thankfully.

I vowed from then on to make sure that my body gave me time to get home before the migraine became full blown. As I got to practice with this, I used it for all kinds of illnesses. Thankfully I no longer have migraines, or any other debilitating illnesses. Whatever occurs these days is my body adapting and rearranging itself.

But this last year that ability has flown out the door. If my body needs to make the change, it happens NOW, no matter what. It is forcing me to take stock of what is important.

Is it important to look after myself by staying at home NOW when it is needed or is it important to put work first?

I've always believed that I put myself first and take time off, having much needed ME days, but clearly it's no longer a luxury but a necessity these days.

Strangely enough here in NZ, we are encouraged to take time off if we are not well, no matter how minor. If you're feeling slightly peaky, they send you home with instructions not to come in to work unless you feel 100%. This happened to my colleague, he mentioned in passing that he may be ill. With those words he instantly set into motion the change in shifts. Before he knew it, he was home, in bed, someone else covering his night shift! Lol, said he didn't have time to compute what had happened.

In the UK, we were both a bit loathe to call in sick, as it was expected that you work no matter what. Lip sync was paid to "taking time off" if ill, but secretly, there was a lot of frowning. The hospital here allows us to accumulate both our holiday as well as our sick leave. In the UK we had to take all our holiday before financial year end, or forfeit it.

I am blessed that through my intention (unwittingly on my part - lol), my Higher Self manoeuvred me into a position that allows us to have ME time in abundance. Our bodies are so important in this process, which we tend to forget - I know I do.

With all the energies pouring onto/into the Earth daily, I cannot postpone the discomforts as my body makes its changes. The skin crawling feeling that I used to get on the odd occasion - maybe 3 or 4 times a year - from solar flares have now become the norm for me. It's occurring nightly. I get so hot that I feel like I'm gonna burst out of my skin. Shove the bed covers off and instantly freeze to death. I find myself awake for hours on end, unable to sleep.

Greg is experiencing the same.

It seems that I need to be conscious as the body goes through its changes. Gone are the days when I could fall asleep and voila! in the morning the changes would have been done.

Now most mornings I am waking to a bloody nose - a sure sign that there has been a break through in the energetic rearrangement within my body. I asked for a sign years ago and this is it.

It's not all good though.

Since I started working at the hospital, I find myself walking through a minefield of others' emotions.

There is a huge range of personalities in the Sleep lab, each one with issues larger than life. So many negatives in one small department on overdrive.

I do my best to negotiate my way without getting drawn into the usual politics. Sometimes I find myself getting sucked in.

I see bits of myself in everyone, so I am learning a LOT about me too.

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