Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Saturday, 30 June 2012

The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

From the blog of Reuniting - Healing with Sexual Relationships

The Lazy Way to Stay in Love - Discover the Magic of Bonding Behaviours

While waiting for a concert to begin at our local county fair, my husband and I checked out a reptile exhibit that included an animal trainer with a live alligator resting calmly on his lap. As we stroked the gator, I asked the trainer why it was so tame. “I pet it daily. If I didn’t, it would quickly be wild again, and wouldn’t allow this,” he explained.

Friday, 29 June 2012

Wormholes and the heart


Tuesday night when I was at work, my colleague and I were busy talking (as you do). I was standing inside the control room and she was in the doorway.

I kept looking behind her because I could see my guides whizzing up and down the passage. Not only were they distracting me so I lost track of what I was saying, but I was blimmin’ curious to know what they were doing.

Hehe…she kept looking behind her and then eventually said, ‘You can see something, can’t you?’

I nodded. Then the bell rang, indicating the first of the patients arriving.

With all the distractions of the night, I forgot to ask my guides what they were doing, so it slipped my mind completely…until I saw them doing the same thing again yesterday.

Thursday, 28 June 2012

Growling protector

Did I mention Divine timing and synchronicity recently?


The young friend of our son has had difficulty getting himself over here for his session, so each day I have been spending time clearing his energy field and body from a distance with the help of his team.

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Midwife of love

I have been connected to hubby via his chakras for a long while now. I decided to disconnect only to be told by our team of guides that we shouldn’t. Eh?

They showed me how the two of us in the past had been connected by our relationship…but these days slowly but surely our relationship is not the separate entity it was but becoming us.

I think the best way to explain it is that we are becoming completely united as one entity, even though we are two separate individuals. The relationship has an arm around each of us as we stand on either side of it. It is now bringing us together inside of it, completely embracing us so we fit together perfectly with no seams visible.

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Sun setting on the old and rising on the new bigger picture

I’ve been asking our son’s guide team whether I can help him to clear out that which he is absorbing for others. The answer has always been No…until lately when they said wait until his 18th birthday…and this goes not only for him but for anyone under the age of 18. I never got any reason why until today.

I did not understand any of this when my daughter turned 18 as I was in the midst of my own clearings and working on my relationship with hubby. Now I understand why it was such a milestone. 

Monday, 25 June 2012

18 today!

My writing seat next to the pond

I’m sitting in my special writing place in the garden in the sun…well, it is my writing place when the weather allows it to be.

It is our son’s 18th birthday today…although he is not officially 18 until 5.20pm…oh no, hang on…this is South African time we are talking about…so he will be 18 at 4.20 this afternoon.

I cannot believe how fast the time has gone. So from this day forward I am the mother of two grown-ups…we’ve made it! I was wondering when they were born whether any of us would survive…but we did and then some :-)

Happy birthday, my beautiful boy.

Sunday, 24 June 2012

Harmony with a fly

I had a moment of perfect harmony with a fly yesterday. Yeah…a fly…a bit odd.

I suppose the point behind this experience is that it doesn’t matter who or what - we all have the same energy moving through us and as we release our prejudiced preconceived ideas, we’ll begin to experience a more harmonious perspective.

Saturday, 23 June 2012

Stargates of the body

It has dawned on me more and more that my deep love of meditation over the years has had a very good reason.

As hubby and I go deeper into the sacred union we find that meditation plays a greater and greater role in helping us to achieve the depths of bliss that are needed to anchor and reinforce the beautiful energy of the new loving/sexual matrix.

The body plays a very important part in this whole thing, but it is no more important than the mind or the spirit/soul. All three are needed.

Friday, 22 June 2012

Past and present guilts

I dreamt this morning that I was working in a shop that sold all sorts of things. 

I was standing behind the counter with a large book in my hand that had short contracts of some kind in it and I was looking through it noting the mistakes that some sales people had made. I think I was the manager or something.

Anyways this gentleman was moaning about the fact that we’d (as in I as the manager of the shop) had stopped selling his special pillow. I took him to the section where the pillows were and explained why we’d change them. He wasn’t convinced.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Old friends 'appearing'

I sat in the sunshine this morning to do a bit of examining of my auric field and body. There is a constant buzzing throughout my body as the work progresses. Tomorrow we are working on my heart chakra…very significant because I am in contact with patients for 8 hours during the day.

My main guide is from the plant Sirius…oops I wrote ‘plant’ instead of planet. He found that funny and I was subjected to all versions of plants as a planet.

He is a lunatic of laughter. He wasn’t when I first met him in 1996. In those days he was serious mainly because I was very serious.

Is Sex the Most Important Thing?

Barb Lundgren's blog

Is Sex the Most Important Thing?

I’ve always felt that connection to sexual expression is critical to one’s healthy sense of self, but it’s only been recently that I have come to consider that it might just be THE most important thing in our development, our understanding of life and our communication with it.

I have been blown away by a brand new book called “Sex and the Intelligence of the Heart” by Julie McIntyre. Here is a profound insight from Julie:

“Any energy or inspiration we may have to influence our own lives, communities, schools and government is diminished while we insist on feeling shame, guilt, and unworthiness about ourselves and while we keep ourselves repressed in the bedroom. As long as we persist in letting others think for us and tell us what appropriate behavior is and acquiesce to scare tactics that threaten to withhold love or money if we don’t behave, we will remain utterly powerless in the face of any real or imagined power outside ourselves. If we don’t own and take charge of our sexuality, someone else will. (Oh wait, they already have.) It’s time to bring it all back to its rightful owners, to each of us as autonomous individuals.”

Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Just when I think I know quite a bit...

You know just when I think I know quite a bit…someone comes along and asks me very pertinent questions that get me thinking and really looking.

I’ve been working 'hands on' with the sleep disorder patients. The technicians have the most interactions with the patients, firstly when they come in for an overnight study when we monitor them and their sleep patterns (or the lack of), secondly when they come in for an overnight treatment, then in a follow up clinic and finally we call them regularly to find out how they are doing or get them in to another clinic if there are problems.

We are the first people they get to know…and understandably they are nervous or upset. So we have to put on various hats during the course of the evening (actually whenever we interact with them, whether face to face or on the phone).

An incredible session with two powerful women

I had an incredible hour with two wonderful and very powerful women yesterday afternoon.

I’d booked a coaching session with Namaste Angel during May but it was postponed because her laptop died. So I waited until she contacted me and said all was well…could I re-schedule it, so I did…only to have another re-scheduling. You know…the same scenario I had with Lisa…

All because I had to get certain things in my own life into place, as well as planetary alignments, solstices, etc. 

It was very frustrating because I felt I was stagnating and not sure where I was going although I had this deep seated inclination to move on…but where? Sorta like walking around in a fog and not knowing which way was home…basically I’d lost my way.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Loving someone into bliss

A really interesting discussion with a friend has had me doing a foray back into my marriage history with hubby.

We had a very difficult marriage..we didn't simply arrive at this state of bliss we currently have. We didn't have a marriage made in heaven.

I don’t badmouth people and I won’t do so now. Hubby and I were both responsible for the state of our marriage and whatever disputes we had were all for a purpose. 

I have not mentioned in detail the difficulties that we faced as it could take pages and pages of the resentments I harboured.

Everything, and I mean everything that we faced as a married couple was all my own stuff. There is no dispute that hubby had his own issues, of course he did. But his reaction to me and our marriage was ME.

Monday, 18 June 2012

It's a relief

I cannot tell you how much of a relief it is that hubby’s walk-in story is now out. I can blog about the changes going on instead of bottling it up inside…and I hate not being transparent.

So on to hubby and I….

In spite of the fact that this wonderful spirit now inhabits hubby’s body…he is struggling with changing how the body reacts to certain situations. You know…it doesn’t matter who the spirit is…this veil is very difficult to live behind.

On the up side…or maybe not depending how you view it…he can read energy as well as I can. He will look at an object and know what has happened without me telling him.

Twin-flame walk-in

My hubby is a twin-flame walk-in.

Yeah…something I’ve held close to my chest for about year. Or maybe longer - not sure.

Hubby and I were soul-mates. We’ve been through many lifetimes together in differing capacities, learning all kinds of lessons.

In 2008 I did a channel of a very familiar energy that had me in tears the whole way through the channel. He did not identify himself as he truly is but merely called himself Jednezzar. He gently talked about our love and said that even though ‘his brother’ (hubby’s soul) seemed to act out of character and in a not good way, there were lessons to be learnt and understood. I had to be patient as we’d be together ‘one day’. He also advised me to love hubby as fully as I could.

Sunday, 17 June 2012

So, where to start with creating love

So where to start with creating love?

I am going to write as though you have a partner.

Foreplay for sex is not merely that which happens in bed before penetration. Foreplay and love happens throughout your day. Living in love and happiness.

From hubby’s perspective: Love your wife as though she is your greatest gift. Do little things to make her happy. Write a cheeky or loving note and put it in her purse, so when she is in the supermarket she finds this unexpected gift that will make her think of you. Buy her flowers for no reason at all except to show that you love her. Or simply hug her. Talk to your wife with respect and treat her like a lady.

From my perspective: Any reaction from your wife that is unfavourable means there is something within you that she has reacted to. 

Creating love

Many times the question is asked…how do I create a relationship of love and harmony, especially when it seems that there is no possibility of this even occurring?

I know from my own experience that it is possible. 

My hubby has, all our married life – until recently, been closed minded to what I did. He supported me in my adventures as long as I did not involve him. He was what I’d call totally unenlightened.
I finally figured it out…I had to accept him as he is and not place expectations upon him of what I wanted…rather I had to let him find his own path. Hubby is a very strong person so there was no way I could manhandle him into what I wanted him to do…it descended into arguments and sulks for days, sometimes weeks.

Sacred loving

It is time for me/us to step up to the plate and do what we came here to do. I have been treating this whole blogging thing as an amusing sideline for me and not really getting too involved in it…okay maybe I am very involved but it is simply fun rather than serious.

It has slowly dawned on me over this last week that this is not the way forward anymore. Something needs to change. I can still blog about my life but the emphasis should not be on my journey so much as giving insights into how the new sexual matrix can be created and laid so that others can tap into it. As the amount of people living this way increases it has a knock on effect and eventually it will become a way of life. 

Saturday, 16 June 2012

Not supporting myself

I had a revelation whilst vacuuming and cleaning. There is nothing like a little activity to get me out of my head and into my body, thereby freeing up some space for the real me to come through with some insights.

I don’t feel supported…because I am not supporting myself. I am not on board with anything that I want to do. I am hoping that it will all come from outside of me and I will simply go with the flow instead of knuckling down and getting involved and ‘daring to live’.

These words reminded me of the song that Andrea Bocelli and Laura Pausini sing:

‘Dare to live until the very last’

I am one of millions who don’t dare to live fully and completely within ourselves, as a totally and fully anchored spirit - there is too much painful baggage in the way.

Friday, 15 June 2012

I lost my rag at work yesterday

I lost my rag yesterday at work.

Since I’ve been back from Australia…I seem to have become invisible to the admin staff. Things that they’d done for me during the afternoon siesta studies suddenly weren’t happening. I let it go for the first few weeks but finally asked the team leader what was going on and why had things changed.

She apologised and said she'd make sure everything fell back into place…but darn it, if it didn’t. So patiently I expected ‘things’ to happen each week…but nothing…until yesterday when it was so blatantly obvious…so I threw my toys out the cot.

Okay so it wasn’t spectacular like hubby can do. Man alive, can he make the heavens thunder when he is angry and you really know he is angry and why - man knows what it is to be passionate :-). 

Thursday, 14 June 2012


These little plants are growing everywhere I look, but I am mainly seeing the purple ones. Their proper name is Nigella but are most commonly known as 'Love-in-a-mist' - very appropriate for these times.

Aren't they gorgeous?

I do love coming home from work

Rain drops on Iris leaves
I do so love coming home from work in the mornings…to a kiss and hug from a very domesticated hubby who is in the process of making breakfast for us both, cos by that time I am really tired and ravenous.

Hubby’s dragon is always close by him. It still surprises me every time I see him, it is just the last thing I’d expected. 

Last night as I left for work, he was curled up around hubby. Yesterday when hubby came home and was standing talking to me, his dragon was peeking over his shoulder. It made me smile, distracting hubby enough for him to ask why I was smiling.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Further insights

Oh my word. I sat down to write about the dragons…called them into my awareness and I find Ba’shiba and hubby’s dragon back to back with tails entwined.

It was a very strong visual and unexpected. I did not know Ba’shiba was in a relationship. Very remiss of me, but I’d never asked and she’d never volunteered - suppose it’s on a ‘need to know’ basis and I obviously need to know now.

They moved their bodies so that their heads came together, their long necks entwining. I seemed to move up into the air and saw between their bodies as I hovered above, what looked like shut eye. But when it opened I realised it was a portal with swirling gold energy.

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Fiery energy

Itching skin and inner heat that has me stripping off, despite feeling the cold on my skin. I kinda feel like a volcano…but not one that will explode…more like one that is cooking from within…hopefully creating something new.

It is not very pleasant. Started yesterday…last night was restless tossing and turning as my feet burnt way beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. Kept pulling the energy up and out my crown in an effort to alleviate the discomfort.

I’ve experienced this before (groan…) on several occasions. My body eventually settles into the new ‘thing’ - whatever that is.

What I do know is that the intense energy coming in through my feet is from the Earth. I’m adjusting to that frequency and hopefully all will settle down.

Sunday, 10 June 2012

Graced with the gift of LOVE

These last two days have been amazing as far as the gift of love is concerned.

Yesterday afternoon hubby and I spent the afternoon entwined in meditation, listening to the uplifting voice of Andrea Bocelli. We have shared many an occasion like this filled with love…but yesterday was the most special I have ever had the privilege of experiencing.

It fills my heart and eyes with tears of happiness when I remember it today. The deep seated love that expanded my heart had me opening my eyes to look at hubby. At the same moment his eyes opened and we stared at each other. I have no words to explain the depth of the love in that specific place in time which seemed to hang suspended as we gazed into each other’s eyes.

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Effortless living on the horizon

I am taking advantage of the brief spell of tepid sunshine and am sitting outside in my garden…first time in absolute days…after a week of howling winds and pouring rain.

Deep seated cleansing sure going on here.

Hubby has a snazzy new camera and is busy jaunting around the garden taking pics.

I had an awesome reading with Lisa yesterday. I figure I had to wait for the transit, codes download and my own personal place to be for this to happen.

Friday, 8 June 2012

Further codes downloaded

Yesterday I had a code downloading session with the twins. See my blogs in March for more information - Downloading codes and Further Downloads and Activations.

The format was different this time and I think, personally, that they have achieved a very good way of doing the download. It certainly hit home more powerfully.

We had agreed a time that the code activation would commence. They asked that I be in a meditative state and once the session was over, I would get a summary via email of what codes they’d been pulsed by my guides to download into my body.

I am very grateful to both of them as they spent a lot of time with me afterward chatting about the session. Like everyone else at the moment, I am kinda feeling at a loose end and whilst I ‘know’ this is all part of the process…I still feel as though I should be doing something but I am not sure what.

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

A rose on my pillow

I woke this morning to find a rose on my pillow. A gift of love from Venus and hubby.

Hubby is back at work and I am lying around lazing until my shift at the hospital tonight.

Last night while lying in the dark in bed, spooning, I said to hubby that it would be nice to have a different hairstyle every day if I wanted to. He replied that the only way that could happen is if I used wigs.

No, I’m not quite there yet, but I do believe that one day I will be able to change my hairstyle or body at will. One day I could be a tall Amazon woman or the next a petite lady or a cat or a bird.

Relationship morphing

Hehe…did I say last night would be a night of ‘vooma’?

Hmm…we were both so tired when we climbed into bed all we could do was hold each other and go to sleep.

But this morning was a different story…it is my turn to be loved and pampered.

Oh my…the difference in being IN LOVE then and now...

I thought I’d seen it all…but I had no idea and WOW…I’m crying as I write this. It is the most amazingly beautiful place to be…this sacred union both with-in and with-out.

The sacred union with-in is now manifesting with-out in such a way I’d never imagined possible. The depth of the love flowing from hubby today is extreme and…I’m slightly speechless. The last time I felt this huge leap in how we relate to each other was just before New Year in 2010 when I accepted the new role of being Anchor of Balance for Love and Pleasure - Intense Pleasure.

Tuesday, 5 June 2012


My darling hubby’s energy has been very low and confused. Because I am so strongly connected to him, I am feeling it very keenly too.

Looking at his energetic body - I see there is a struggle between the old and the new. Moving on into something new or staying here with something that is so familiar. I know that this energy is perplexing to him and probably many others. Stepping into a world of love is an unknown and pretty scary for any of us.

So last night I held him – both in my heart and my arms. Whilst doing so I saw in the dark of the night little sparkles…like moonshine stars floating down slowly. There weren’t many of them but they were very pretty and very gently landing around us and on the Earth.

This morning  I saw that the sparkles had increased and some were gold in colour and falling faster and thicker. On inspecting our energy bodies during a massage, I saw that hubby was holding the collective energy in the muscles of his back. We had a time letting this go, but once we had done this, the dark energy changed and hubby’s body is now back to being gold (mine is still purple and silver).

Sunday, 3 June 2012


This morning I had the most astounding experience. 

Hubby and I were lying entwined together when I realised that we were surrounded by animals…and birds. I could feel their energy moving in through my feet and up into my body and as it did so it created this most amazing sense of peace and tranquillity...with a dash of longing.

I didn’t want to think too much about it…but having an analytical brain…I did…and stopped the energy from moving past my neck. Weyho…silliness…so I stopped and sank into the feeling.

Saturday, 2 June 2012

Dumped - bruised and shaken

Well, didn’t June start with a whopper?

Shaken, buffeted, bounced around and unceremoniously dumped…that is how I feel at the moment. I lift a shaking hand to smooth down my bird-nest hair and notice that I am full of bruises and cuts…etherically.

Last night hubby and I had a major argument. We’ve not argued too much lately…little disagreements that are sorted quickly. But this…really rattled me…but even so I slept like the dead last night. I woke this morning thinking, ‘I can’t any more. I am so tired’.

It seems we are being stripped (once again) and encouraged to let go of that which we call familiar.

Friday, 1 June 2012


I seem to have lost my compassion these last few occasions at work. I normally enjoy the interaction with the patients and helping them…but now…I simply get irritated.

I have to pull myself in, which is very unusual for me…as it has never been a problem…even with the difficult ones.

So I asked last night why I was feeling this odd malaise…and I had a dream.

I was with a whole lot of girlfriends and we were out having fun. Somewhere along the line we decided to go back to someone’s flat which was in a high rise building that had thousands of floors. In the flat/apartment I became aware that something strange was happening to me. One of the women mentioned that it was time for me. I felt a bit confused about that and looked down…and this is when I realised I was pregnant (again!).