Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Looking back: 2007 to 2016

It's been a time of reminiscing, going back over the last 9 years to see how far we've come.

We arrived in the UK in 1998 with nothing but four suitcases of clothes and toys having left everything behind (including debt) to start afresh. We also had very little money, but as money was freely abundant in the forms of loans without security and we went crazy...as you do coming from a closed society that had been in isolation due to sanctions.

As a result we got ourselves into financial difficulties, living way beyond our means (a family pattern). I spent years working on myself and my beliefs, constantly visualising us living a life free of debt. It never seemed to move and I'd get despondent, then a while later pick myself up and try again. Each year went by with seemingly no improvement and it felt like we were in the same place. But actually there was movement, I just couldn't see it. We worked hard at digging ourselves out of this endless dark pit of a financial hole and bring ourselves back into balance. We paid off all our loans both in the UK and in South Africa.

Not only were we dealing with this, but our marriage hit rock bottom, for me especially as I dealt with (what I believed) was familial dysfunctions from my childhood. I used to blame my parents for a lot. I've managed to take control of my life, stop being a victim to my circumstances, see that my parents were simply doing the best they could and that in fact it wasn't that bad. Everything was perfect for me, my growth and understanding myself.

For a many years Greg and I didn't like each other. Something kept us going. We'd fight about everything from parenting to how each other acted. I had what I can only describe as "faith", that it would work out. I kept seeing people I didn't like in my husband. It was a message from me to myself and he was simply the messenger.

I can now see clearly all the "crap" that we needed to wade through to clear and cleanse. The full-on scary tantric experiences we had on our arrival in London set the scene for allowing those deeply hidden dysfunctions to come to the surface. And through it all came the twinges, aches, fevers, chills and illnesses letting me know where I was holding emotions. It's all energy - like attracting like.

There was so much else going on at the time - Greg was made redundant and unable to find a job for about 10 months, so I was the sole breadwinner. As we weren't permanent residents we were unable to get any financial help from the government, except for a small contribution toward our rent. I was also studying at the time for my diploma with the College of Vibrational Medicine. Yeah...so, difficult times. A real dark night of the soul.

Lol...would I go through it again. Nah uh...but if I had to I would.

As we had no furniture of our own, every house we rented was furnished. The only thing we'd bought was bunk beds for the children. Even our computers were hand-me-downs.

We left London to move to the country. The house we rented (and lived in for 13 years) in 2002 was unfurnished except for two old rickety cane chairs. We borrowed a mattress and slept on the floor, bought four green director's chairs for the lounge, a second hand washing machine and fridge. My parents helped us out financially to make the move.

Slowly our house was furnished with furniture from friends or the charity shop. One of our biggest gifts was from a friend leaving to go back to South Africa was their old lounge suite as they'd bought a new one to take with them. It was such a luxury not to sit on the rickety cane chairs that were held together with gray duct tape.

This lounge suite served us well for another 7 years, Greg constantly fixing it up as each chair broke. He became a master at creating DIY magic.

The gift of the lounge suite arrived in 2006/7 at the start of the up-cycle for us. It was also the year that I became a permanent staff member at the Queen Victoria Hospital's Sleep Disorder Centre. I could take a drop in salary (and not work long hours) doing something that I really loved as this was also the year that we'd paid off all our debt. We also didn't buy into the belief that there was an economic downturn, which helped hugely.

The garden was my sanctuary. I filled it with my love and it responded back with love and beauty one hundred fold. It seeped into the house, healing as it did so. The house energy changed and so did we. Everything in our lives was us in our joyful loving form.

Life got better and better, we started saving for our epic holidays abroad, buy a small holiday place in France and eventually we were able to finally take the step of buying new furniture in 2015, releasing with gratitude all of the "old" stuff.

I kept the focus (and still do) of a good life which we eventually achieved. We were stable in every way.

This last 9 year cycle has been a good one. I'm smiling inside and as I wonder what amazingness the next 9 years hold.

I have proven to myself that it's possible to live the dream, but I am not quite there yet. I am continually a work in progress.

We have all experienced/know what we don't want, it is now time to experience what we do want. It's our choice how we react and whether we'd like to change our perspective.

It is hard facing yourself in the form of other people day in and day out, but changing how we view them goes a long way to healing. We are far stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

Gratitude also plays a big role for me. I thank myself every day for creating what I want. It gives me value, validates who I am. I've learned to trust myself. Get as much help as you need from others around us as well as those beyond the veil, but the actual work comes from with-in you. Observe as your body talks to you  - it has an intelligence of its own, helping you to negotiate your way.

Follow the dream. This is not just reserved for "special" people, we all have this ability.

We are ALL special, we've just gotta feel it and live it. Walk the walk, don't just talk it. Immerse yourself and live the dream.

My daily mantra for the last 20 years:

I love and approve of myself
I am perfect, whole and complete
Love is everywhere and I am loving and lovable
The world is safe and people are kind and caring

I believe this mantra and am currently living it.

It's been a bitter sweet journey, although these days it's more sweet than bitter.

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