Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Medicine Woman

Walking through Oxford's botanical garden on Saturday, I realised that I don't want to be involved by simply growing plants for their beauty or to eat. I want to go back to my first love and use them for medicinal purposes.

I studied Herbal Medicine (Phytotherapy) whilst still living in South Africa, mostly because I felt it was time to concentrate on the physical body. I'd been immersed in meditation and finding out how to process emotions, but felt I was missing a link somewhere along the line. After that I combined the two and studied vibrational medicine for two years once we'd arrived in the UK.

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Detached and emotionless...and finally grief

The moon on Monday 19/8 taken from our back yard

Sunday was the start of a deep funk. I felt completely detached from everything and after being in such a wonderful place filled with love and happiness...this was a huge shock for me and my system.

Listless, feelingless and unable to settle on anything, I wandered around the house trying to figure out what was going on. I was a bit tired but then I'd worked on Friday night, not slept much on Saturday as my nephew and his lovely wife had come to spend the night. What I did feel was tense and still feel it today.

Friday, 16 August 2013

Under the microscope - Part 2

Following on from Part 1

I am going to shorten this as there is too much I could write.

My attention was then brought to clothes shopping. I'm not a clothes shopper. My passion has always been books, although that has dropped to a trickle these days as I am more particular about what I purchase. As for clothes, I'd wear them until they were threadbare. As I simply couldn't be bothered to spend hours trying on things, I'd grab something after a few minutes of browsing, try it on and become despondent because it didn't look anything like I'd expected. Mostly I'd walk out and not buy anything. So yeah, clothes shopping and I are not great mates.

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Under the microscope - Part 1

Now that hubby has firmly stepped into and is fully present in his masculine essence, I find myself on the back foot all the time. I'm not sure that I particularly like not being in charge. And yet ultimately this gives me the chance to be fully present and step into my feminine essence.

Relinquish control? Eh? Not on your nellie!

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Real Purity Deodorant Holistic Formula

In exploring and cultivating the relationship I have with my body (emotionally, mentally and physically), I do my best to make sure that what I put on and into it, is the best that I can at any given moment in time.

One of my challenges has been deodorants. For years I have tried all the alternatives available, including those recommended by others who swear by it, but I seem to have particularly stubborn under arms so none of them worked...until I found this by accident.

Sucking in my opposition to trying something so expensive, I ordered it and to my absolute delight have found that it does what it says...and smells great too.

Monday, 12 August 2013

Like a kitten wary of a new toy

Experiencing love...being whole, complete and fully present (as much as possible) with deep love for, not only ourself but with another, is a rather daunting prospect. It is surrendering ourselves to the experience of being in love with everything. No boundaries, no restrictions, no holding back. Simply being love in a sea of love.

Yeesh! Who'da thought that being love could be so exhilarating and scary at the same time.

The gentleness, total acceptance and unconditional love I received on Saturday from hubby has turned out to be such a turn on for me (blog Metamorphosis). Who knew?

Sunday, 11 August 2013


Tuesday whilst sitting in the garden, completely zonked from lack of sleep having worked the night before, I decided to tune into one of the patients that had been in for a full polysomnography wire-up.

Now I don't normally do this, because once I leave the hospital I like to shut the door until I arrive back for another shift. But for some reason or another I kept thinking about him and feeling I should be looking deeper.

He was born, grew up in Sierra Leone and had been through a great deal of horror during his childhood in that war torn area. As a result he suffers with night terrors and some insomnia.

Saturday, 10 August 2013


Hubby ambushed me today as I was hoovering the upstairs bathroom. He came up behind me, switched the machine off, gave me a big hug and kiss while shoving an ice cube down my trackpants.

The hoovering forgotten, I plotted and had my revenge, only to be ambushed, some time later in my rush for the toilet, by tripping over the vacuum cleaner patiently waiting for my return.

It seems Henry wanted in on the fun too!

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Is it possible to change the impossible?

How often do we think that some things are absolutely impossible to change?

I know that at times I have done...and still do. I have been given a challenge over the last two years that I am still working on...but I will discuss that at the end of this blog.

The subject of intimate relations seems to be a sore point for many. So often I see negative responses to some good advice. It is so easy to wrap ourselves in resentment, bitterness, anger and hatred, thus closing us off from change and moving on to better.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Wild Woman Wellness Blog: I am a Wild Woman

I am a Wild Woman
I know, inspite of myself
and in spite of what I've been told
that there's beauty in every age
no matter how old

David Deida: Extracts from The Way of the Superior Man

Chapter 18 
Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her 

A man gets resentful and frustrated with his woman when he is too afraid, weak, or unskilled to penetrate her moods and tests into love. He wishes she were easier to deal with. But it is not entirely her fault that she is bitchy and complaining. It is also a reflection of her lack of being penetrated by love. When a man resigns, and simply tolerates his woman’s self-destructive moods, it is a sign of his weakness. His attitude has become one of wanting to escape women and the world, rather than wanting to serve women and the world into love. A man shouldn’t tolerate bitchy and complaining moodiness in his woman, but he should serve her and love her with every ounce of his skill and perseverance. Then, if she cannot or will not open in love, he might decide to end his relationship with her, harboring no anger or resentment, because he knows he has done everything he could. The whole point of an intimacy is to serve each other in growth and love, hopefully in better ways than we can serve ourselves. Otherwise, why engage in intimacy if your growth and love are served more by living alone? Intimacy is about growing more than you could by yourself, through the art of mutual gifting.

One of the largest gifts you can give your woman is your capacity to open her heart when it is closed. Sure, she can get herself out of her dark mood, but your masculine thunderbolt of love can brighten her darkness in a way she can’t do for herself. If you are like most men, however, you probably end up feeling burdened by your woman’s mood. You feel your woman is a pain in the ass. You wish your woman would leave you alone and take care of herself. Eventually you feel worn down, or frustrated. You end up simply tolerating your woman’s moods, while resentment builds inside of you. You wonder, what’s her problem? Why can’t she just be happy? The feminine part of your woman is either opening  in loving surrender (easy moments) or closing in what ends up being an emotional test of your capacity to open her (difficult moments). 

This cycle of the feminine is like all cycles in nature: it never ends. The sooner you learn to embrace and dance with these moods of closure, the sooner both of you will grow beyond the psychodrama and see the humor of the play. Instead of tolerating your woman’s moods of closure and complaint, open her moods with your skillful loving. It is your gift to give. Both of you will grow more by your giving than by your tolerating. 

A superior man sees his woman’s moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement. There are many ways to creatively deal with her moods and help her to open. Tickle her. Take off your clothes and dance the watusi. Sing opera for her. Make animal sounds. Shout at her louder than you ever have and then kiss her passionately. Press your belly into her until she melts. Lift her off the ground and spin her around. 

Friday, 2 August 2013

New Energy

Over the weekend whilst I was lying in bed waiting for sleep to claim me I realised that the energy patterns I observe every day are far more tangible. This tangible overlay that we have around us is far more expressive and interactive, far stronger...and waiting for us to acknowledge it.

The patterns can and have changed daily, hourly or minutely, depending on the degree of doubts we carry and how often minds are changed. It is kinda like someone who has a beautiful custom-made dress that would mould itself to the person, in a way that their inner signature would shine out and impact on their outer world. And yet, believing they cannot have such a dress, chooses the ill fitting dress bought off the shelf.