Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Saturday, 31 December 2011


Hubby is going through his own ‘dark night of the soul’ at the moment.

It has been building for a while…he’s been looking and acting stranger and stranger each day. He’s been seeing and feeling things that were puzzling me. An example is yesterday…he started to rant about money and how we never have enough. Huh? Huh?

Thursday, 29 December 2011

Another year

And so we head for the end of another year.

The year that was…very interesting and extremely intense. I’m not sure I recognise myself, I have changed so much, as has everyone around me.

Once again I face change. We are in the process of moving the sleep unit back up to the hospital. Yesterday was a day of moving and unpacking. Oh gawd, back ache and sore feet. Compared to the house that we were in, this ward is HUGE and we kept getting lost. The excitement and squeals of delight as we discovered we had so much space J

Off up to the hospital again today to finalise a few bits and bobs and then tomorrow – business as usual…well sort of…our official day opening is on Tuesday, 3 Jan.

Met my son’s new boss too. Lovely lady.

Once Christmas, the move and New Year are over I can concentrate on our trip to Oz to see our daughter.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011



Hubby and I have had a slight bust up and have retreated to our respective caves for a while.

Relationships between couples can be quite intense at times and it is not for the fainthearted at all.

We are both quite passionate…okay let’s qualify that. We are passionate in our own ways. Hubby is a very overprotective, act-first-think-later, sacrifice all for everyone to his own detriment kinda man. Whereas I am a thinker, contemplative, listen and look at both sides first before acting. But…and this is a big but we do interchange these positions quite a bit lately. Not so in the beginning of our relationship. He is passionate with his emotions, I am passionate about my journey.

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Amorah Quan Yin: Sacred Sex and the Awakening of Your Soul

This is an extract from Amorah Quan Yin's website http://www.amorahquanyin.com/a_sacredsex.html
which ties in with what I have been experiencing lately.

We have for a long while tried to intellectualise tantra and believed that by following the rituals we would achieve the blissful state we want. She is quite correct in her statement 'Some of those who practice tantra today have forgotten the major keys for this aspect of awakening which are surrender, love, and sacredness. There are those who practice tantra who have omitted these ingredients while doing all the techniques accurately. The end result will eventually be the attainment of power that is devoid of surrender to love and sacredness. And I believe we have enough history behind us to understand the dangers implicit in such attainment.'

Without the surrender during love making we are not in a state of true bliss. We tend to live more in our mind than find a unifying blend of mind body and spirit not only within ourselves but with our partner.

I find this is true with processing as well. Many try and process their emotions with their mind, instead of surrendering to the feeling and experiencing the emotions fully and allowing that which has been suppressed to rise to the surface and be acknowledged. Saying goodbye to an emotion that has been with you and served you can be scary as certain patterns define us.

Strip away everything from someone and see what is underneath. Left naked and vulnerable can be quite daunting.

Anyways...enough from me and my rambling.

Here is the extract that explains it far better than I could:

Saturday, 24 December 2011

Our universe

I’ve always known each one of us is our own universe…kinda like a universe within a universe within a universe, etc.

I’d known it but it had been an intellectual knowledge rather than an understanding that both my mind and body understood. Once the body understands, it becomes part of us and our whole perspective changes. It’s almost as though a door is opened and we step through and become what we were standing on the outside looking in through the window at.

Thursday, 22 December 2011

Portal to Love and Pleasure

I have taken time out from the transmutation work over the solstice and Christmas week.

Last night I entered a dreamscape that was both a dream and very real at the same time. I was aware of being somewhere else and yet aware of being in bed. Hubby’s HS was very strongly present over and in his body. I was struck by how big he was physically, as I lay with my head on his shoulder. And yet I could feel him beneath this overlay.

We were communicating telepathically and it felt so natural and very normal. Caught between my real self and this expanded version of me was very strange but I didn’t question, simply accepted it. As I write now I am having difficulty putting everything into sequence and explaining it in words.

Wednesday, 21 December 2011


Happy solstice to all.

Thrive - What on earth will it take?

A friend sent me this video this morning. I have not watched all of it.

Tube Torus and other sacred geometries that most of us know about...but the visuals are quite spectacular.

Dismantling of a matrix

I would like to thank everyone for their support and love on the blog Deep Dark Matrix. I really appreciate and am very grateful to every one of you.

I have spent many a year clearing any of my own sexual issues from any past lives where I have either been the abuser or the abused. This lifetime I have not experienced any of that. My only foray into that kinda thing has been using sex as a weapon of power in all my experiences with lovers. Love ‘em and leave ‘em was my motto. I couldn’t be bothered with feelings or relationships and loved the idea of being in control. Once that was out of my system, I met hubby.

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Merry Christmas

May you all be blessed with a wonderful and cheerful Christmas filled with love and laughter wherever you are and whatever you're doing.

Here's a singing card to make you smile.

Hugs and love

Monday, 19 December 2011

Deep dark matrix

Am I a sucker for punishment or what?

Here I am once again transmuting for the collective…and it is very dark here, very dark. This 3D sexual matrix is enough to drive anyone insane. But I suppose I wouldn’t be doing it if I wasn’t strong enough to handle it.

My life as such is great – no dramas or dilemmas and so if I hadn’t had information about where I am energetically and what I’m experiencing, I’d a thought I had regressed into a nightmare somehow.

Saturday, 17 December 2011

Working together

How bizarre…my son has, this week, landed a job up at the hospital. In all envisioned scenarios for him, working in a hospital environ was not one of them. His gatekeeper mentioned this would happen but I didn’t necessarily believe it. Well…okay, I always take everything with a great pinch of salt.

Anyways, after chatting to his gatekeeper it seems it was destined and being held off until the time was right. It seems that we both need to hold the balance there as some huge break through is going to be made. The Queen Victoria Hospital has always been a ground-breaking hospital.

Friday, 16 December 2011

Temper temper

My two kitties are lying in their favourite spot…on top of hubby’s cupboard. After breakfast and an intense session of deep cleaning, they normally sleep with their arms wrapped around each other. When they wake the ritual is to take turns to clean each other as a greeting. All very sweet and loving until-

She suddenly rears back with her ears flat, tail flicking, while he watches her, ears forward almost smiling. She gets herself into a frenzy hissing at him while he nonchalantly lies watching her. His lack of reaction always makes her really angry and she climbs into him. He is a large laid-back black cat, a gentle giant, while she is a smaller tabby, feisty and fearless. All it takes to end it is for him to stand and give her one loud resounding smack on the head. She flicks her tail and stalks off in a huff, while he goes back to sleep.

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Duty of care

Full moon this weekend taken from our back garden

Saturday morning I woke with the words ‘duty of care’ buzzing around in my head. I had a vague recollection of a night of dreams around this.

Monday, 12 December 2011

Oh look, a toadstool village

A few weeks ago we went for a walk through the countryside. It was a gorgeous 'spring' day and we came across a village of toadstools.


Brand new day

A Brand New Day…this song by Sting came on as I started to write this piece…and then David Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes.

It’s been a very hard but interesting week. My mind kept buzzing with the words ‘sexual matrix’. Couldn’t quite figure out what was going on, but then again I wasn’t in a space to do so.

Saturday, 10 December 2011

Jim Self: 2012 - What do you mean the 3rd dimension is going away?

Channel from Jim Self

I've never followed Jim Self but came across this on LW and decided to upload.

Monday, 5 December, 2011

As 2012 approaches there is an increasing urgency to this message because we’re all, literally, running out of time to play in the third dimension.

In simple terms, the habit of thinking and feeling and behaving that we know of as the third dimension is going away. Everyone is shifting into a fourth dimensional consciousness and experience, and then into a fifth dimensional consciousness and experience.

However, most people on the planet are not prepared for this Shift. But it is happening nonetheless, and for those who are unaware of what’s going on it will not be an easy or comfortable experience.

Yet this can be a wonderful, enjoyable time as well. With some basic information about what the Shift is, and what “dimensions” are, and with simple tools to help manage our thoughts and feelings, everyone has the ability to evolve their consciousness and move gracefully and joyfully into these higher vibrational realms.

Friday, 9 December 2011

Not fitting

I would love to say that these last four days have been fabulous in my 5D reality, but the truth is that it has been a bit like wearing a hessian bag…itchy and makes me irritable.

In South Africa we have winds called Berg winds – or in English ‘mountain’ winds which blow hot and heavy and make you feel irritable. I feel like that – like I am being contained within something and have expanded so much that I feel irritable within the confines of my skin. One minute hot and sweaty and then cold -swinging from one to another with no sight of balance at all.

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Wouldn't it be nice

The Beach Boys’ song Wouldn’t It Be Nice has been winging its way through my mind today.

I finally had a look at it on YouTube…hehe…yeah I understand why now.

Ahh…the joys of ascension.

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Cocooned in my own world

This has been a time, for me, of being insular. Whatever is out there in channelled or other information has seemed either irrelevant to me or old.

I’ve wanted to be cocooned in my own world and flow wherever it took me without any interference from outside. I still feel this way. So this is going to be a brief blog.