Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Saturday, 27 December 2014

Picking up where we left off


This story started in Australia March 2012.
Read the First Ceremony pre- and post the walk-in.

These last two years and a nine months has been a time of "finding our feet", an extremely "interesting" mastering of our energy as well as getting to know each other.

The entity that is Greg needed time to get used to the body with its own personality traits, find his way through the maze of emotions and finally with as much tact and love as is possible (mostly), stamp his authority. I had so much of my own to work through - grief, fear and anger at the loss of a good and loving friend - all those lovely human emotions that simmering away before "popping" to the surface, taking a person by surprise.

Friday, 19 December 2014

Ashdown Forest in Winter

Greg and I have grown to love this area and explore it regularly as it is just down the road from us. This is also Winnie the Pooh country - you will find the Hundred Aker Wood here.

Winnie the Pooh

Sunday, 14 December 2014

Electric Universe: Birkeland currents & Mer-Ka-Ba science - Drunvalo Melchizedek

Drunvalo Melchizedek - sacred spiritual sex (tantra) and the electric universe

Drunvalo's Flower of Life workshop that I did in 1996 was a pivotal point in my life that brought about much change. But since those days, I've not really paid much attention to his work - I reckon that I got what I needed when I needed it. I came across this on FB and was drawn to listening and WOW am I glad I did. I can so relate to what he is talking about.


Tuesday, 9 December 2014

The juicy lubrication of love

Picture taken by Greg

In the days when I was channelling Lighted Loving, they kept advising that we should love ourselves.
Yeah man, I get it.

But on reflection these days...I didn't...really.

We never know what we have until it goes missing!!

Thursday, 4 December 2014

I want to know what love is

Sunrise through the trees taken by Greg this past weekend
I woke this morning with this song buzzing around in my head - Foreigner - I want to know what love is.

I know it has nothing to do with externally wanting to have love - I am surrounded by love and loved ones. This is to do with my inner planes. I want to feel the love with-in myself for myself.

Thursday, 27 November 2014

Isle of Wight

We spent a long weekend on the Isle of Wight in September. Mum visited with friends, whilst Greg and I explored this lovely little island.

Sunday, 23 November 2014

The ever changing stages of my body and love making

It seems that my body is going through major changes, both within and without, in much the same way that the world is in chaos as we move up in frequency.

It never ceases to amaze me how everything is where it needs to be even though at the time it may seem at the time that it ISN'T - which of course is easy enough to see with hindsight. Marvelous thing hindsight, eh?

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Bodiam Medieval Castle

Bodiam Castle - "Set in the heart of an historic landscape, with spiral staircases, battlements and a portcullis, 14th century Bodiam Castle is one of Britain's most picturesque and romantic ancient monuments." 

Monday, 10 November 2014

Broadwater Warren, High Weald, UK

Broadwater Warren - Set in the High Weald Area of Outstanding Beauty near to Royal Tunbridge Wells, big changes have been happening at Broadwater Warren.

When the RSPB took over the reserve in 2007, it was a large conifer plantation with just a few remnants of heathland surviving. The vast majority of major restoration works have already taken place as part of our ten year project to restore the historic open landscape of the Weald and improve the surrounding woodland for wildlife. 

Saturday, 1 November 2014

Love and laughter


One of the greatest epiphanies I've had today is that I am deeper in love with my hubby, Greg, than ever before.

We disagree, fight, laugh, love, stress and niggle at each other - all the while constantly changing with-in, finding common footing, taking a breather before plunging into the next learning curve. And yet despite all that we go through, once all the dust has settled, the beacon of our love shines ever brighter.

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

New ventures


I wrote a blog a while ago called Stop Wasting Time and Effort (on my other blog). This is what I wrote:

"I had a very bizarre experience the other night at work. I was trying to settle a patient on a respiratory machine but he was fighting it.

Alchemical gold


Since my rant last week, things have changed considerably.

I have come to understand that my resentment and anger came about when we picked Mum up at the airport.

Friday, 24 October 2014

Acknowledging and accepting change

Mother and Daughter Holding a Bouquet of Flowers

What a very interesting, emotionally draining and euphoric time I’ve had over the last 6 weeks.

With the current intense period of planetary alignments, eclipses, solar flares, the equinox, and blood moon, nothing is able to stay the same. Tonight is going to be a whopper. If you want to know more about this, there are plenty of astrologers who have blogs on the internet. One I find particularly interesting is this one Traversing Divine Darkness by Sarah Varcas mostly because Pallas Athena is very prominent in my life.

Friday, 17 October 2014

Ightham Mote

Ightham Mote - (pronounced 'i-tem')  "Dating back to approximately 1320, Ightham Mote is a medieval moated manor house close to the village of Ightham, near Sevenoaks in Kent."

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Change within the heart


On the second to last day we were in France, I started to feel very restless. It got worse and worse until finally I realised that it was the combined pull of the Earth and my Soul.

With a quick word to Mom and Greg, I dashed out of the chalet and headed for the forest. As I walked I could feel myself starting to relax.

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Nan Tien Temple, Australia

Nan Tien Temple - "Nan Tien Temple known as “Southern Paradise” is the largest Buddhist temple in the Southern Hemisphere. The temple focuses on the exchange of eastern and western cultures; the interchange of the traditional and the modern; and also the adaptation with the local communities."

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Treehouse living in France


Here are the pictures of the treehouses that we slept in at Domaine de Poiseuil.

On our trip down to the Med, we stayed in two separate treehouses:

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Our farewell trip to France

My mother arrives from South Africa on Wednesday. I've not seen her for about 5 years as my stepdad has been, and still is, too ill to travel.

Friday, 12 September 2014

Good day

Meandering path through Eastcourt park

Yesterday was a good day.

Actually most days at work are pretty good days, yesterday was a VERY good one - mostly because I experienced the first of my clinics with 30 minute time slots instead of 20. Who knew 10 minutes could make such a difference?

Sunday, 7 September 2014



After a long 12 hour shift up at the hospital last night, I stumbled home this morning to a laid table, a Hydrangea from our garden in a vase, mango juice and an egg sandwich wrapped in tinfoil.

Aww...my heart melted.

It was an unexpected gesture that made me feel really cherished.

Hubby has gone into London for the day to shoot some photographs while I sleep. He left very early this morning, long before I arrived home from work.

After 29 years, he still manages to get my heart pumping gooey happiness and love.

Haha...good grief - I need to adjust my camera's time. It seems I have come back from the future!

Friday, 5 September 2014

Split seconds of decision


I feel like I've become the most indecisive person on the planet this year.

It's not that I've ever had a specific plan, but I've always known, more or less, where my path is leading me and in the old days, after some deliberation I'd decide and then get on with it.
But these days I seem to constantly be swinging between what to do, kicking myself to make a decision and then changing my mind almost instantly - it is driving the logical part of me insane.

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Past Lives


When we arrived at the jousting field of Hever Castle, the air of excitement and anticipation was palpable. It had both Greg and I caught up in the moment, grinning with delight.

Thursday, 21 August 2014

Hey Ya!


You'd think that as a sleep physiology technician, I'd understand how important sleep is to the body.
Nah ah. I can be as obliviously thick-headed as the next.

There was a stage pre-2011 that I'd do anything up to 55 hours a week of shifts.

I wanted the money, the unit needed the man-power (or maybe I should say 'woman-power' as most of us are of the female persuasion), combined with the passion I have for my job, the great people that I work with and the pleasure I get from helping others, all made for (and still does at times) a lethal cocktail of 'yeah sure, can do'.

My body hinted with little things, but I ignored it - I was on a mission to be the best completely reliable  we-can't-do-without-you-type-of-person.

"You don't wanna listen, you silly woman," it muttered into my I'm not listening ears, "it's time to REALLY get your attention."

Monday, 18 August 2014

Greg's day in London

I have a love/hate relationship with London after having lived and worked there for 5 years. It was rather a shock after Cape Town's beautiful gentle energy - like sticking your finger in an electrical socket. I might venture there once a year, but mostly avoid it if I can...although when I do, I really enjoy it.

Thursday, 14 August 2014

To infection or not to infection


It all started with Yoga Nidra on Thursday last week.

She asked us, as usual, to come up with a mantra that we’d repeat three times during the course of the Nidra. Of course I was prepared - I'm always prepared - but in the throes of the Nidra, a different one popped into my mind.

I am a mentor.”

Eh? Where did that come from?

If I’d actually had a chance to make the decision, I’d never have gone with that. So, I tried to change it but it kept popping into my head, even while I was chanting another one.

Talk about persistent.

My body responded with a little resistance. I didn't go into my usual deeply lucid state. I kept wanting to move bringing me out of the relaxed state - which indicated to me that I'd rather not release the resistance.

Anyways, I didn’t think much of it for the rest of the day.

That evening as I took a perambulation (don’t you love that word) around the neighbourhood, was when I'd noticed that my kidney on the right hand side was hurting. I dismissed it - as I do. But again the persistence - that night was uncomfortable and difficult to sleep.

The following morning I had a whole day of clinical trials to get through from 8 – 5. I felt off throughout the whole day, but you just get on with it, don’t you? I was very careful about what I drank and ate that day hoping it would help. Frankly, Friday night was horrifically painful not only in the kidney but in the head too.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Borde Hill

Borde Hill - "Borde Hill Garden is nestled in 200 acres of English Heritage listed Sussex parkland and woodland, with wonderful views across the Sussex Weald and the magnificent Ouse Valley. The garden is home to a nationally important collection of rare shrubs, champion trees and exotic plants."

Saturday, 2 August 2014

Zoe Kors: 6 Ways to Have Radically Intimate Sex

I came across this article today -

Zoe Kors: 6 Ways to Have Radically Intimate Sex

“Sometimes I get real lonely sleeping with you.” ~ Haruki Murakami, A Wild Sheep Chase


We want intimacy and avoid sex. Or we fear intimacy and crave sex.


Friday, 1 August 2014

Stop wasting time and effort

I had a very bizarre experience the other night at work. I was trying to settle a patient on a respiratory machine but he was fighting it.

Finally at 1 o'clock in the morning, full of despair, I sat looking at the screen, wandering what I could/should be doing, when I suddenly noticed something very odd. On closer inspection there seemed to be, what I thought was a woman wearing a pale bodysuit of some kind, crouched next to the bed. The infrared light makes everyone on camera look rather anonymous, so I couldn't be sure.

'She' looked up at the camera, with - what looked like - an agonised expression on her face.

Puzzled, I asked my colleague if she could see something on the screen.

"What?" she asked and stared at the screen in silence before saying, "Are you talking about those dust particles floating around?"

Um...no I wasn't. Those we'd been seeing for ages and they weren't dust particles...but that's another story.

I gathered from her response she couldn't see what I was seeing.

YouTube: Why I stopped watching porn: Ran Gavrieli at TEDxJaffa 2013

He explains this so much better than I can. This invades our life in every way whether we realise it or not.

It reminds me of a book I purchased on a whim many years ago called Centerfold Syndrome - How men can overcome objectification and achieve intimacy with women by Gary R Brooks. Very very interesting. I reckon his work has been undervalued...probably because it doesn't suit the commercial world. Distortion of the beautiful act of lovemaking is a money making industry.

But...we have all been complicit in allowing this. We sure have hit the bottom of the barrel when it comes to degradation of both sexes. Ah well, onwards and upwards, eh?


"...In the latter half of this century (20th), however, this component of men's sexuality has been so exploited, distorted, and outrageously exaggerated that the emotional and sexual health of most contemporary men has been seriously compromised."

It is up to us as individuals to decide whether to support this industry in its many forms or not. I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Hever Castle


Lol...we've been living in this area for 13 years and have never visited Hever Castle which is literally on our doorstep! This is the home of Anne Boleyn.

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Come Undone

Last night was the most amazing night of loving that I've ever experienced...and that is saying something!

Hubby gave me a massage for the first time since the abstinence started in mid-March.

WOW! So much has changed in the energy interaction between us. His fingers expressed the rich depth of his love, patience, worship, honour, joy, respect, happiness, innocence, pleasure...you name it, it was there in its full colour spectrum, transporting me to wondrous experiences of sensual delight - each emotion etched within my Heart, my body responding in ways it hasn't ever done before, my mind totally blissed out, not once stirring to interfere.

Our Psychic Memory-filled Hair

Yesterday I had the two stitches in my hair removed.

As I washed my hair today I thought about our hair. I recalled a blog I'd written in Portal to Love and Pleasure on 4 May 2011 called The Fascinating Truth About Our Hair. It seems from an experiment with Vietnam soldiers that our hair is a sort of antenna and if cut it, we lose our psychic abilities.

There are also sects that shave their hair so that as they clear beliefs and emotions the old memories stored in the hair are also cleared. I am sure that there is merits in both.

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

In love with life

Further to the Return to Innocence blog...

The essence of innocence gives joie de vivre greater depth, is far more encompassing and seemingly complex than I've ever understood.

A graceful movement, a brief touch, a voice singing, the laughter of a child, sunsets can all bring so much pleasure leading to a state of orgasmic bliss.

I'd damp down the orgasmic state when interacting with anyone other than hubby. Mostly because when feeling this, it was corrupted by the deeply held generation upon generation mis-belief that this is a sexual state and should be 'acted' upon as per our world where sex is/was power and power is/was sex...and really...do you want to feel aroused by parents, siblings, children?

Herstmonceux Castle


Herstmonceux Castle"By the end of the 12th Century, the family at the manor house at Herste had considerable status. Written accounts mention a lady called Idonea de Herste, who married a Norman nobleman named Ingelram de Monceux. Around this time, the manor began to be called the 'Herste of the Monceux’; a name that eventually became Herstmonceux (pronounced Herst-mon-soo)."

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

The Horse - Power Animal

I was busy reading a blog today and came across Power Animals Unleashed.

Thought I'd give it a try and voila! this hit the nail on the head - it is exactly what I am working towards.

Thursday, 3 July 2014

Return to innocence...

It has taken me ages to write this blog, which I have done little bits at a time, then deleted it all and started over again and again.

There's been little flashes of insight that I've had for months that I've not been able to grab, translate and write down.

There is one word that has been repeatedly running around in my head -


Every time I think of it, it sends a frisson of energy through my body, which I have as yet to fully understand so I am letting it slowly bubble away until something came to the surface. My body needs to integrate everything that has been released into it.

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Moments of overwhelming love and happiness

There are occasions, over this last week (appr.), when I see hubby and the gentle flow of love and happiness expands, my whole body resonating. Each time seems to be deeper, stronger and I am able to take more.

We sometimes do this in synchronicity. We'll both look up from what we are doing and lock eyes. My whole body lights up as the love flows out of my eyes to meet him. It is the most amazing WOW! I've ever experienced. 

Thursday, 19 June 2014

Has it come to this: Lingam vs Yoni worship?

I have changed this blog since I uploaded it yesterday, mostly because it didn't seem to flow very well. Haha...probably still doesn't!

There has been so much going on both within and externally, layers within layers within layers. I've been following little clues for some time along the way (not all of which I will document) which includes karezza contributing in no small way to the overall picture.

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Vivid dream of house

I had a very vivid dream again last night. This one and the previous one of a few weeks ago are helping me to understand that I am on the right track even though it may seem otherwise. Dreaming about houses occurs quite often and believe it represents me and where I am.

I cannot remember the first part of the dream. What I do remember is the driving need to visit a house that hubby and I had seen before.

Monday, 16 June 2014

Karezza: to do or not to do?

Hubby and I have never been much on abstaining when it comes to sex. Regular sex and many orgasms were the order of the day. I could never imagine (and still don't) having sex with no orgasm.

The quest for good sex has led us from conventional sex to tantra/taosim to karezza (written about on my previous blog)...and that is where we stopped...or rather I stopped and backed away.

I love orgasms, I love having sex, the intimacy and the sensuality of it. I love the way my hubby is so completely focused and selfless about giving me the maximum amount of pleasure when we do spend intimate moments together.

Thursday, 12 June 2014

Entering a phase of calm after the chaotic storm energies

The chaos that the sleep unit has experienced over the last 3-4 years seems to be abating somewhat and because of this, I find myself relaxing and enjoying my passion once more.

I see the changes that have been brought about this year, finally calming really tense situations down…of course it helps that the hospital hierarchy have released their very tight grip on the purse strings and agreed to employ more sleep technicians, consultants and possibly, very slightly possibly admin staff too.

Our referrals every year have been growing steadily…this year they are up by 69%...which brings Pound signs of love to finance's eyes!!

I have been very blessed to have employment with them - my first foray into the medical world surrounded by amazingly compassionate people, who don’t believe in pulling rank or have any specific hierarchy. From the lead clinician down to the housekeeper, everyone is treated the same – with respect and dignity – all of us contributing in our own way to the wellbeing of the patients.

Some newbies have found it difficult to adapt and start off throwing their weight around, taking some time to realise that being kind to your work colleagues does have its merits, whilst others are simply arseholes no matter what and try bending everything to their will regardless.

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Fear of ...

I've been thinking on fear...mostly because of something someone said on Monday when I was at work.

I don't quite remember how we got onto the subject of spiders, but we did. She said she will not go to visit Australia simply because of her fear of spiders!!

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Sexual Evolution

The intensity of the sexual/creative energy is shaking up everyone. All those little hidden 'gems' I believed I'd cleared, echo their way through my body as the collective makes a haunting cry for change.

Enough is enough.

As you may or may not know, hubby and I, together with others, have in the past dismantled and transmuted the old 3D sexual grid, sometimes using different practices such as tantra, etc. but mostly simply transmuting the energy. This work still continues in the very competent and capable hands of others as our attention has turned to the laying of the new Earth sexuality gridwork/foundation.

The dismantling of the old energy brought much of what had been hidden to the surface, the results of which we are still seeing.

Sunday, 1 June 2014

I had a dream...


I had an extremely vivid dream last night:

I was attending a meeting about some invention or an idea I’d had. I sat waiting in the reception of the solicitor’s office in a large swanky building, feeling a bit unsure/insecure about the whole thing. A few surprise arrivals came through the door. First it was my immediate family members who sat around me excitedly chatting about what was about to happen, then extended family, then friends, then friends of friends. I was surprised and delighted at this show of support, although now I cannot remember what the idea or invention was.

Friday, 30 May 2014

Like a brilliant ray of sunshine

I've been really curious, but patient waiting for the answer, as to why I've felt the need to withdraw from intimate relations.

I thought I was orgasmed out!! Which was a possibility after all the years of trying different sexualities from hot/cold tantra to taoism to karezza all of which we'd embraced with a great deal of enthusiasm, but by that stage had seemed so yesterday - faded, jaded and quite frankly boring.

Thursday, 29 May 2014


I've had to repost this as the previous blog had become corrupt whilst I was trying to replace the picture I'd drawn with the triquetra vesica.

My meditations lately feel like I am moving into a different reality, a type of lucid dreaming. After reading Celia Fenn’s Time Travel blogs I recognise what I am doing and have been doing for a while. Sometimes I am able to be both here and there at the same time, not having the ability quite yet to move fully into a different reality. I suppose I am still at the stage where I have the comfort of knowing I am fully anchored in this reality as I worry I might lose my way.

Dearest Lover...

Being in relationship with my hubby always reflects the relationship of my inner masculine and feminine.

Oh my, how often do I NOT want to see it. In the end I admit that hell yes I can be a pigheaded stubborn dolt that I seethingly inside feel my hubby is.


Monday, 26 May 2014

Would we work?

I saw this on FB this morning and it stopped me in my tracks. It's a question I'd not thought of for years.

When I first started on this path in 1995 I was all fired up about the potentials of what 'could be'. Meeting up with like-minded people really inspired me and we'd discuss endlessly different aspects. My my, how exciting it was to have a whole new horizon open up before me.

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Roman Baths in Bath, Somerset

Entrance to the Roman Spa

Bath, Somerset

Bath, Somerset


What an amazing place Bath is! This Heritage site was built by the Romans 60 AD.

We spent a long weekend there during May last year.

I had no expectations whatsoever, as I'd never paid much attention to this place...but WOW...so well worth the visit. I have always been fascinated by the Romans, their architecture and art. The Roman Baths are very well preserved, the hot springs still bubbling up.

Friday, 16 May 2014

Blessed with the presence of Bumblebees

A week ago we noticed several smallish bees buzzing around a crack in the outside wall. On closer inspection we realised that they were actually getting into the crack and a short while later flying out.

The following day there seemed to be more. That was when we came to the conclusion that they were making a nest!

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Sleep - parasomnias and other things

I attended the British Sleep Society's Spring meeting in Eastbourne a few days ago with my fellow Sleep Technicians.

We were referred to as ‘scientists’ and sat through a workshop on the logical steps needed to publish scientific research. Um...haha...not likely! But on reflection, I wondered...

Friday, 9 May 2014

Living daylights!


Once again I had a dream about buying a house. It wasn’t too different to the other one I’d had recently (to read it click here) and woke with the song Living Daylights by A-HA running around in my head.

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

The unfurling relationship I have with myself

I want my emotions and body to be my own. Not someone else's. Mine and mine alone. Not a mother, sister, daughter, working colleague, friend, sex object, lover, wife or simply a woman.  

"I've been to Paradise, 
but I've never been to ME."


This feeling is so very strong within, it is rather disconcerting. Long have I been any one of the above and yet I have never been ME. Truly me, without the boundaries and limitations of what others expect of me.

My emotions and body are so precious at the moment that I loathe to share them physically with anyone. I want to get to know me, the real me without any distractions.

As though I am newly born, fragile like the tender shoot of a new plant, so easily trampled if no care is taken. Lifetimes spent tightly curled up in the foetal position, unable to show the tender underbelly of who I am.

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

State of Grace

"Grace" is the English translation of the Greek χάρις (charis) meaning "that which brings delight, joy, happiness, or good fortune" - Wikipedia

We are entering an age where the “state of grace” is going to be the norm. Of course we’ve known that this time of change, hard though it is, is bringing the world into a time of peace and happiness.

I had an epiphany the other day, whilst rolling up the belts that we use at work. The belts are used to attach pieces of equipment to patients when we monitor them at night and they have Velcro strips at either end. These tend to get all tangled up when washed and are a nightmare to untangle. I hate this job as it takes so long and is akin to untangling a ball of wool.

It suddenly struck me that I’d lost my ability to view ‘difficulties’ in my life from a positive angle. I’d always change the energy around difficulties and this would make them easier. I’d do things like sing to the belts, for example. By creating a more positive energy around them, they miraculously seemed to untangle themselves rather than become tighter.

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

The elephant in the room


All of us are so intertwined whether we ‘know’ each other or not.

Making the changes from the 3rd dimensional world of dense matter, negative energies and thought forms is not a piece of cake. I think it is harder than what we have, as a collective, ever faced before, mostly because we have to change upward instead of downward. It is easy enough to do the downward spiral but climbing up…now that takes a lot of effort and strength.

Having said that, it takes energy to be negative and that negativity can be very draining on us. Altering habits entrenched lifetime after lifetime takes some concerted effort. Doing the opposite also feels rather draining as we have to wrangle with and take a look at our inner demons that are manifesting outwardly. For most of us it has become the norm and is therefore far easier to sink back into habitual reactions and 'behave'.