The theme of being a 'saviour' is taking me deeper and deeper each day, as lesson upon lesson and understanding upon understanding knocks into me. I kinda feel like a drunk person as I stagger from one experience to another whilst walking down the road of my life - first hit by the experience and then later by the understanding - only to be hit by another and another...and so the theme continues...each layer stripped away and exposing the next. States of being and doing that I have not noticed before to the extent that I am noticing it now.
The deeper I go, the more I realise I have not even touched the surface of this need of mine.
I find myself reacting with what I think is the best of intentions, only to sometimes have a slight backlash. I then have to look at what is really going on. Not so difficult to 'see' when I actually stop and feel what I really intended. Not easy to face a mirror of shadows...although I am not sure why I feel it is not easy - I have been dancing with and integrating my shadows for years.
Oh, I know...I rub my hands together going 'done and dusted'. But not really cos that pesky shadow - Karen...the ultimate heroine and saviour of the world still lurks.
It was rather arrogant to believe that I'd learnt and understood the ability of standing back. Sheesh...nowhere near understood. That belief was like a bit of dust floating around in a sand quarry.
Just when I was sitting back after my last blog, feeling satisfied...
One of the incidents is occurring at work. A new lady has started and she has had a personality clash with another. Good grief...never thought I'd actually see this level of antagonism that I see between these two. Bullying and the need to go for karate lessons is being floated around by the two of them. Eh?
Two grown women acting out like children. School playground stuff.
So what can be done? Put them in the naughty corner?
I can see the point of view of both and feel a great deal of compassion but I am at a loss at how to solve it. Haha...that was when I pulled myself up...that is not my job as I am not a manager. All I can really do is be there for them and listen without judgement. These two ladies have been working alone together at night, so none of us are sure who is telling porkies and who isn't...and how much of it is exaggerated.
This thought popped into my head - that which we despise in others is that which we despise within ourselves. Who knows what karma is playing out between these two...eventually they will have to work through it consciously...but at the moment it is too raw.
So Tuesday night after our meeting, our manager pulled me to one side and asked if I was prepared to change some of my nights so they don't have to work together until she finds a solution.
Woohoo...Karen to the rescue!
Sure, honey bun, anything to help out, honey bun. So we go through my work schedule and rearrange it over the next few weeks until I go on holiday at the end of September. I get home brimming with righteousness only to discover that one of the nights I cannot do, as we are leaving the following morning for our holiday - our ferry is crossing at 8am.
Immediately I start calculating whether we can move the ferry time forward and how long it will take us once we have reached Calais to get to our hote de'chambre in time for the scheduled dinner at 7.30pm with our friends.
Hmm...it will cost us to change the time...but that shouldn't be a problem.
As I was mulling this over reason descended - hang on a minute - what the hell am I doing? Changing everything in my life simply because two women cannot and will not get on with each other.
So off I trundle to work to inform our manager. We sit down again trying to figure out how to split these two up by shifting my daytime and nightime schedule. Once again, I get drawn into the drama, only to pull myself up and say NO. That is all I can do.
This is one of the many things confronting me head on these days - all part of understanding relationships. Fortunately I am noticing it quicker than I used to. As layer upon layer is peeled away, another is exposed for attention. I figure this will be an ongoing thing until we are ALL finally living in harmony.
We are all God trying to make our way home in the best way that we can.