Ramblings about life . . .
What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.
Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.
It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.
Be the dream.
We honour the light and the life within you.
Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).
Monday, 25 November 2013
Losing of part of me without loving it
I've had a very small sebaceous cyst in my hair for years. It's never bothered me and so I've ignored it...until a few months ago when it started feeling not 'quite right', although I cannot say what it was that made me feel that way.
I finally got my arse into gear and made a visit to the GP surgery. A minor op was scheduled and I had it cut out on Thursday on my way to work - a doddle I thought, like having a tooth pulled.
Hmm...once the local anaesthetic started to wear off, it really hurt like hell and I started to feel rather fluey. But, I figured, being at work until 10.30 that night would keep my mind off the problem and so I got on with it, ignoring the pain...all the while thinking I was being such a poop.
I couldn't sleep on Thursday night. The pain seemed to get worse. How on earth could such a simple operation hurt so much? It is not as though I'd removed a leg or something. Needless to say I was extremely grumpy and angry the following day, so much so that I snapped at hubby when he tried to cheer me up.
I stomped off to the post office to collect a parcel. When I arrived back I found two bouquets of beautiful Lilies on the kitchen table.
Oh my heart melted. I still felt grumpy and irritable but had a smile on my face.
Later on I went upstairs to our bedroom and found a box of my favourite chocolates propped up against my pillow.
These two simple gestures of love in the face of my anger, cut through those negative emotions and released JOY. It also released the underlying grief that was being kept in place by the other two emotions.
On sinking deep within myself I discovered that I was grieving for a part of me that had been a companion on my journey for nigh on 20 years. What the purpose of that cyst was, I have no idea. It was created by me for a reason and although I might never know the reason, it was a piece of me that I'd unceremoniously and without thought had cut out.
This does not mean that it was wrong - it was time to let it go. But in the run up to having it 'cut out', I'd not actually said goodbye. I'd prepared my body physically but had not actually considered the emotional side.
I stepped into the area on my head where the cyst had been cut out and discovered so much pain it made me cry. It was the pain of separation through lack of love. It was seething with burning fire. When I saw this picture on yahoo...it reminded me (energetically) of the wound I had.
I loved this area and said goodbye to the no longer existing cyst, thanking it with gratitude for all that it had done, even though I was not sure what this was. What I do know is that I had created it for a reason, it had now fulfilled it mission and therefore it was no longer necessary. Until I had released all the negativity it was painful and I was tearful.
I watched as the cyst turned into a beautiful golden light and sped off into the night sky...going back home to where the rest of me exists, transmuted into its true self now that it was released. The wound emitted pulsing rays of golden sunlight. Again it seemed as though whatever was coming out was being transmuted and going back home in its true form. Slowly over the last few days it has closed up until today it is merely a flicker now and then.
Whatever the cyst was holding in place has been removed - cleaning house/body temple!!
The funny thing is hubby calls this minor op my 'lobotomy'. I don't think he is far off the mark.