Now that hubby has firmly stepped into and is fully present in his masculine essence, I find myself on the back foot all the time. I'm not sure that I particularly like not being in charge. And yet ultimately this gives me the chance to be fully present and step into my feminine essence.
Relinquish control? Eh? Not on your nellie!
Jeepers, I now understand how he felt all those years, when I was clearing and cleansing and at the same time analysing him as I was observing how he reacted to my energy. Much like an insect under a microscope. And now the shoe is on the other foot, I get to feel what it was like for him. Not very nice!
As much as I would like to think I was in my 'airy fairy' role of getting in touch with my core, I wasn't. I was constantly 'doing' and therefore very masculine, even though this encompassed meditating etc. It was all with a goal in mind. Nothing wrong with that, is there? It was the impetus that I needed to get where I am today.
I know hubby is observing how his energy affects me. Who wouldn't? If you want to know how to use energy, you gotta observe what it does.
He said something to me yesterday which normally has me laughing. This time it simply irritated me. I could see him judging and assessing this energy interaction...and knowing that this was merely my emotions as they were right then and there...he used this knowledge to change the energy between us. Pffft...the student has become the master!
All part and parcel of the release of old patterns. I see that I am viewing this division of masculine/feminine roles as being the dominant man and subservient woman, or both equal and neutral, or subservient man and dominant woman. I can logically see what David Deida is talking about, but inside my emotions and my thoughts are going, 'No way in hell is that going to happen'.
David Deida : If a man is very masculine by nature, then he will be attracted to a very feminine woman, who will complement his energy. The more neutral or balanced he is, the more balanced he will prefer his woman. And, if a man is more feminine by nature, his energy will be complemented by the strong direction and purposiveness of a more masculine woman. By understanding their own needs, men can learn to accept the “whole package” of a woman.
So let's define these roles that we've had in the old 3D world.
As a couple, hubby and I have been through a gamut of the above, swapping these roles regularly. There have been times when the neutral or balanced phase lasted for a long time and sexual energy was out of the question - except for the odd 'hit and run' sex on occasions :-). Most of this occurred when we had small children.
Life gets in the way and we were juggling so many different roles as well as both of us working full time.
These days I am still in charge of the budget, paying the bills, while hubby enjoys being creative with the cooking.
I don't have an issue with the interchange of these roles at all. What I am talking about now is a complete embracing of who I am in essence in this body here and now...the feminine.
...unfortunately I didn't have anything further to write on the subject...so decided to spend sometime with both my aspects that appeared to me last week, to find out what they have to say about this.
This first thing they brought into my mind was an occasion a short while ago, of an evening was spent by me honouring hubby.
Candles were burning and there was a strong smell on incense in the air with music playing gently in the background. As I lay my hands on his body to start massaging, I was transported elsewhere. I am not sure whether it was a past life or simply an experience that I was given so that I could understand my role. It doesn't really matter. I know sometime in the past these times and places existed, but my forays into them have been brief.
He'd been away fighting for a long time and had returned to his home town for a rest from being a warrior. I worked at a temple of love (that is the best way to describe it) and my job was to help him relax, soothe away the atrocities of what he'd experienced and to surround him with love in order that he may balance himself. Every time he was in town, he came to the establishment first. This allowed him to integrate himself back into society and his family life. There were no conditions placed upon our relationship. I expected nothing from him at all and vice versa.
It seemed to be accepted in our society that the maidens of the temple of love would perform this task for all the men whether they were married or not. This way their wives, lovers and partners would get the best of them with no baggage attached. It was a great privilege to fill this role and I loved doing what I did. I could immerse myself fully in the essence of being feminine without any restrictions whatsoever and in return the gift I gave was 100 fold. He understood that in spite of the loving ministrations of the maiden, she in effect was not loving him as an individual, she was loving him as a part of the masculine energy. It did not matter to her who he was, what he did or what he looked like.
As I massaged his body each stroke was infused the feminine essence of unconditional love. As time went by he relaxed. Our beliefs were that when the maiden placed no agenda or demands of her own upon the man he could surrender without any barriers to the ministrations of love that would put him in a place of non-service give him a chance to find his feminine essence within and simply BE. His body would absorb the gentle energy giving him the chance to breathe slowly and deeply fully immersed in the cocoon she'd created. He could partake of her radiantly youthful feminine essence and use it to heal himself.
It seems to be that these ancients knew and understood the roles of masculine and feminine and didn't get it all mixed up and confused as we do today. When we feel sexual energy these days we think we have to do something about it i.e. having sex...but in reality we don't. We can use the energy to create something very different and equally as beautiful.
On occasion I held him, my heart open and loving. These ministrations could last up to 24 hours. In between they would eat and drink, dance and laugh together...the world outside held at bay whilst he healed and became whole again. There did not seem to be any expectation of sexual demands that I am aware of. I suppose it meant that the man could simply BE immersed in love without having to DO anything about it. That would have been saved for his lover, wife or partner.
The last that I remember was holding hubby while he fell into a deeply rejuvenating sleep. It was an amazing experience that has been repeated several times since then.
I was then directed to him doing the same for me...and yet the experience was totally different as he was giving of his masculine essence.
This I will save for Part 2...