Following on from Part 1
I am going to shorten this as there is too much I could write.
My attention was then brought to clothes shopping. I'm not a clothes shopper. My passion has always been books, although that has dropped to a trickle these days as I am more particular about what I purchase. As for clothes, I'd wear them until they were threadbare. As I simply couldn't be bothered to spend hours trying on things, I'd grab something after a few minutes of browsing, try it on and become despondent because it didn't look anything like I'd expected. Mostly I'd walk out and not buy anything. So yeah, clothes shopping and I are not great mates.
And yet...that has changed and I did not notice it.
The weekend after the summer solstice we were going to Windsor, a thank you to hubby for all his hard work from the company. I go to these 'dos' but am never comfortable as I always felt compelled to buy something (as all women seem to) to 'dress up' for the occasion. Yuck, I couldn't think of anything more torturous. I'm happy in jeans and a t-shirt most of the time.
But something happened in the week running up to it. Walking around town one morning, I had a compulsion to go into one of the clothes shops here. They were having a sale. I spent ages browsing (which is really unusual for me), noting a few things I liked, eventually picking them off the hangers and trying them on. My...was I surprised at how good I felt and how well the clothes fitted. Intuitively I was picking clothing that would suit me, allowing the dance of love and life to flow through me. I was being feminine, thoroughly enjoying it...and I did not notice!!
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| View from our hotel room |
One of the events was a ferry ride to Windsor race course and a private box from which we could watch the races. I placed a bet on every race and won a little something on each one. I was in the groove, man, in the groove!!
Something had shifted in me that I was unaware of. Anyways, since then I have thrown out quite a few of my very old clothes and bought some new stuff...and each time have thoroughly enjoyed the experience of buying and wearing.
After this enlightening, looking at my 'old' clothes I realised that it was not that the clothes themselves were not great. There is nothing wrong with them...but they were bought by me when I was out of sync with myself and therefore the clothes were not quite right for me. Strangely enough I wrote about this in New Energy - 'It is kinda like someone who has a beautiful custom-made dress that would mould itself to the person, in a way that their inner signature would shine out and impact on their outer world. And yet, believing they cannot have such a dress, chooses the ill fitting dress bought off the shelf.' Yep...that was me I was writing about :-)
But it is not only me that has changed. Hubby has too. He is so into creative nutritious cooking nowadays, making exquisite meals that are mouthwatering and such a pleasure to eat.
While sitting in my garden writing this, it suddenly struck me that the bees and butterflies flitting from flower to flower are sharing. They are separate and yet part of the whole. Without their co-operation nature would not be able to bloom in her full glory.
And so it is with us. We are in our own individual aspect a complete entity - a microcosm of the macrocosm. As an individual we are our own community of masculine, feminine, healer teacher, scientist, financier, artist, etc. This same community is then reflected in our outer world as we are part of a whole and without each one of us the whole would not bloom to its full glory. How we feel and treat ourselves with-in is how the outer world feels and treats us.
Metaphorically speaking we are all warriors, going out into the world to do battle in our every day lives. Many women seem more masculine than feminine because we've had to be, we didn't/don't have the space to allow that feminine part of us to come through. This is the aspect that would soothe and love us back into being whole again, to be reflected into the world around us. As we all slowly bring ourselves back to our true balanced authentic self, the outer manifestation of our communities will change with us.
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| From my garden |
Which brings me to the pesky thought that I mentioned previously that by hubby helping me out in the way he did (see blog Like a kitten wary of a new toy) I would not be able to do for myself in future. Of course I will. That is just programming again. I am my own community with-in my mind, body and spirit - one part is always helping the other bits of me. My relationship is another aspect of a joint community co-operation that hubby and I are part of as together we expand to a greater fullness. Spread this out into immediate family, then extended family and friends and further out into the community and then the world. In my own right I am very powerful, but together with hubby I am even more powerful...and so it goes with the community. As a group, co-operating together, we can move mountains as has been seen lately with all the powerful movements for change all over the world.
But for now, my thoughts keep jumping to being a girlie girl, clinging vine and/or completely useless at anything if I accept my feminine essence. I 'know' that this is not really what will happen. Intellectually I understand that in the main I will be fully feminine in my love for everything, with my masculine to give me purpose and focus. That programing will come up again and again as I slowly clear it. Until I finally feel it within myself, I will continue to resist...or rather I should say, think I am resisting :-)
It's inevitable, I will surrender to the co-operation not only with-in, but outwardly too.
Strolling through the town with hubby a few nights' ago, he casually said, 'I wouldn't be the person I am today, if I weren't blessed with a wife like you.'
Oh geez, blubberville!
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