Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

The faceted diamond

This [bottle] is about lifting yourself up even higher, loving yourself more completely, trusting your own guidance totally and taking all the steps you need to become who you came to Earth to BE!
This clear uplifting Diamond energy will support you and assist you to birth the 'real' you!
We are the pioneers, we are the way showers, no matter where you find yourself right now, or what your past has been....All of that was just a distraction and a learning period.
Step forward and take a very serious look behind your eyes and see yourself, really see yourself......
Go deep, into the oceans of your past and into your cosmic heart...Awake dear maidens awake...time speeds, yet life feels slow, delayed...patience and alertness needed.
Let life wash over you, but stand tall and strong. Align to the vision and purpose of the higher self and achieve through concentration of will.
Expand your capacity to love, be tender, compassion, tolerant and fearless. 

The DIAMOND DOLPHIN CODES will show you the way......Celia Fenn / Colour Matrix Essences

The above words and picture is something I saw on Facebook this morning and so falls into place with the homeopathic remedy that I am taking to help with change - (Adamas or Diamond Dust). My attention has been drawn to diamonds quite regularly lately.

As each one of us grinds away the outer covering of the raw diamond, finding the many faceted beautiful diamond that we are...the dust from these diamonds is covering everything around us. As we turn this way and that, the colours of the rainbow glint off us. How can we not affect the world around us?

A walk along the white cliffs yesterday in the bracing winds off the Channel, certainly blew away all the cobwebs. Cold and wet as it was, it did me the world of good.

I received a phone call from the head of the admin team last night (Sunday). She phoned because she was concerned about me as a friend, also to apologise for the mix-ups we'd had on Thursday night and to let me know that she would be investigating what had happened. I appreciate this call...but know that not much is going to change. It has been steadily getting worse as the money-grabbing financiers who run the hospital think only of the bottom line rather than of the people who run the machine.

As I opened the internet one word popped into my head - library. Without thinking I did a search for jobs in the local library...lo and behold! a position was being advertised. And I would be earning the same amount of money as I was prior to the second pay rise of the last two months. (Me...money-grabbing?)

I bookmarked it and then start doubting myself, second guessing everything...until this morning when I thought 'what the hell...they can only say yes or no'. I glanced at the top of the page the job was advertised on - it was called The Gatwick Diamond!

Another nudge.

I decided to do a search about library assistants and found a blog detailing everything that a library assistant does. Bingo! a light bulb went on - the libraries are considered the central point of a community. So much goes on there, and where better a place for me to be than at the heart of the community. Of course it remains to be seen whether this is meant to be or not...and I am under no illusion that it is the perfect job...but maybe this is the next step for me. Or maybe I merely have to take a step...

I spent time thinking this through and today discussed with a friend...so I am not doing this on the spur of the moment...which I can do - knee jerk reactions.

Everything and every person in my life nowadays is pushing me, through 'good' and 'bad' experiences to DO something to change.

Every person is an aspect of me, helping me to grind away at the roughness of who I have been, in order to find the many faceted beautiful diamond I truly am underneath. It is not easy and quite often I don't want to acknowledge my part in ALL that I have created.

The perfectionist, the inflexible, the chaotic indecisive, the incompetent, the one filled with hot air, the fearful, the plodder, etc. All of these entities are me talking to me, passing on messages, being the signposts along the way. I am okay with the good but not so great with the 'bad' traits reflected by everyone around me.

Even the phone call last night was the ineffectual me saying saying saying and never actually doing. I've had so many of those apologies over the years to no effect, except to spur me on to 'cope' better next time. I don't want to have to cope any more. Am I going to talk talk talk and DO nothing...again for the umpteenth time?

Of course, I've grown through each of these experiences and I am very grateful for them, but today I kinda feel like I've reached the end of the road. Definitely the end...last year I threatened but never followed through. Because of the threatening some things have changed, such as getting two slight pay rises and the promise of training...which I am still waiting for...

The plodder, inflexible one that likes familiarity, regularity and everything in its place, is not okay with change and so she carries on regardless of what is thrown at her. The other excitable part of me is going 'what the hell - get a backbone and do something about it!'.

Then there is the gentle part of me is horrified at the idea of being nasty, at war with the part of me that is all gung ho and goes 'what the fuck, you spineless idiot!'.

The aspect that frowns on the flighty part of me that flits from job to job and career to career...even though I remain in the jobs for years - it is not stable because I should be there for life!!

Bits and pieces of these are reflected in the people around me. I am a plethora (don't you love that word) of contradictions and jumbled ideas which seem to be getting louder and louder as they all come up for acknowledgement and release.

I am trying to find my way back to the Authentic Self in the midst of a tornado, debris flying everywhere, as it tries to throw me off course and asks the question - how strong am I? Every so often a ray of multicoloured light is flashed out from the diamond that is me. It gives me a lifeline so I don't feel like I am drowning.

Where am I going? Who the hell knows...I certainly don't. But I am going to follow that little flash of light and see where it takes me.

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