How often do we think that some things are absolutely impossible to change?
I know that at times I have done...and still do. I have been given a challenge over the last two years that I am still working on...but I will discuss that at the end of this blog.
The subject of intimate relations seems to be a sore point for many. So often I see negative responses to some good advice. It is so easy to wrap ourselves in resentment, bitterness, anger and hatred, thus closing us off from change and moving on to better.
We've all experienced terrible relationships, doesn't matter who we are. The trick is to transcend this, to make use of these experiences instead of rolling over and wallowing in a self pitying 'woe is me' attitude.
This might sound really harsh, but we ALL have the ability to do this. It is our choice whether we do so or not - as each experience whether good or bad is helping us to master our energy.
I'm not talking about 'air fairyness' and pretending nothing has happened. I am talking about really feeling it and using this pain to grow. Of course, shutting down is an option, but this merely keeps a person marching on the same spot, experiencing the same disappointments over and over again without resolving anything.
Everything that is in our life, is what we have invited in, whether by default or not. It is our energy field that has attracted whatever experiences we have. Our energy is constantly talking to us - using in many disguises to bring something to our attention. Take notice and instead of whining about it, use it to make changes. The only person that can change whatever is happening to you, is you - become your own master. Unless we try it how will we know whether it is possible? And...just because we don't believe this, doesn't mean it isn't happening.
In allowing our partner the space to be who they are, we are honouring them and their journey, and even though we may not approve of what they do or how they go about it...it is their journey and we are not here to stand in judgement of them. We have no idea what their true mission is. It is up to us to change the energy interaction with our partner...or not.
The deeper hubby and I go into our relationship and make changes, the more our experiences astound us and amazing rewards are reaped. There are so many layers to an intimate relationship and sometimes there are things that need cleaning and clearing - this is all part and parcel of a relationship. At times it may seem ugly and impossible, but 'no faint heart ever won fair maiden'. In other words, paradise will never be reached without effort.
Hehe...there might be times when we will ponder ~ Good Thing where have you gone?
But the 'good thing' always come back even better.
Please bear in mind that the romantic 3D version of 'being in love' has nothing to do with 5D BEing love. One version is simply play acting whereas the other comes from deep within and permeates your life without effort. One gives the impression that there is a 'happy ever after ending', whereas the other is an ongoing process.
Create the intention of having love in your life and then action it. It is all very well making an intention but if there is no action behind the intention, nothing will be achieved except frustration and disappointment.
It does not matter how ignorant or backward or unconscious you believe your partner to be, there is always a spark of the Divine to be found, and it is up to you to accept it is there, no matter what outer shell he/she is wearing. In accepting and honouring this, it becomes easier to sit out any storms that may come your way. It also makes it easier for your partner to move from a defensive position into a loving space when you are not pestering, criticising, judging them...or even ignoring them. Humour makes this whole thing a lot easier.
I have been asked the same question over and over again. 'How do I get my partner to see what they are doing wrong, if I don't point it out?'
Would you be willing to change if your partner was constantly nit-picking about everything you do? Would this not make you more stubborn and in the end you would be saying to yourself, 'F-k you! If you can't accept me as I am, you're not worth the time and effort?' I know I would.
Surely focusing on what you feel are their good points and being grateful for them, even if there are not many, is a start to loving your partner in the way that will benefit both of you. But beware of being pushy about your loving , because something will push back. Simply allow the acceptance to flow through you and do not place any expectations on it. Hold the vision and keep at it.
Life does get in the way and you might find you don't have the time. Have a look at why you feel you don't have the time. Is it because you are the one that doesn't want to change? Are you fearful of the intimacy that will come with a deeper relationship? The deeper your relationship, the more aware you will become of your own shortcomings and this can be worrying as you will wonder how you partner will feel about them. Accepting them as they are will go a long way to your partner accepting you as you are. Whatever they reflect back at you is how you feel about yourself. Remember everything is you and your partner is merely reacting to your energy.
Have you ever noticed that someone will react to you one way and to another in a different way. Or maybe someone wrote something that offended you and months or years later you read it again and wonder what on earth offended you. All of this is showing you the nature of the energy you are emitting or experiencing the world through. As we change, so our perceptions change...as does our truth.
And please be patient both with yourself and your partner - you might get an instant reaction or it might take time. Perseverance and belief in what you are doing will go a long to way achieving the impossible.
I know, hubby and I are living and breathing proof of this and I have the privilege of knowing many couples who are there too. It continues to be an upward struggle. We don't ever reach a place of nirvana and then sit back on our laurels, feeling holier than thou. It is always a work in progress no matter who you are.
We were discussing the David Deida book that we are currently reading together. It has been strange to read as much of what he talks about, we practice already. It is kinda like getting confirmation...and it has put things into perspective for us.
The question of who is male and who is female in essence. Masculine aspect is all logical and straight lines from A to B, whereas the feminine is whirly twirly and creative. You need to have a balance of both.
I was a bit of a ball breaker when I was young, logical and impatient, wanting to get from A to B without any fuss, didn't do gossip and played the male game by not get involved when it came to relationships. This all changed when I had my first child, it was the blossoming of my feminine essence and since then it has grown with each passing year.
Hubby and I have agreed that since those days we regularly interchange roles moving from one to the other. When I am more masculine, he is more feminine and vice versa.
So on to the challenge I face.
When I am at work my masculine side takes the lead. This helps me to be efficient, logical and capable. If I, for example, have ten reviewing calls to make to patients in the next hour, my masculine side makes sure that I accomplish this. And yet this is done with the help of my feminine side. She is a good listener, an amazing counsellor and very intuitive. So all in all I would think I am pretty balanced at work...well, mostly I am. It is give and take from both aspects of myself, each one softening the other so that there is a flow between the two. One will take over whilst the other stands back.
It is not always good though as there are times when my angry warrior comes to the fore to cross swords with an irate patient. But mostly, I am able, with the help of my compassionate side, to talk someone down from a strop until they are feeling better in themselves. This is what I love about my job. In spite of the illness or difficulties that our patients face, I am able to instill a little love and light into their lives, so that they may draw on that strength and move forward...or not. And...in return they are helping me to master myself.
There is someone that I work with that is the totaly opposite of this. She is chaos incarnate. She never finishes anything and is constantly being distracted. She admits that she cannot focus for very long. She is always running late and working with her at night is a nightmare for many of us. She very obviously has no input from her logical masculine side. She is all whirly twirly feminine spiralling out of control with no form or order to her chaos whatsoever.
I have, over the last two years, held a space for her every time I come into contact with her. But her chaos within is very strong and whilst some of the energy has poked its way in, it has hardly made a dent and she continues to bounce from pillar to post.
And yet...her most amazing strength is her knowledge and her ability to teach. She is an incredible teacher, very patient and focuses on you totally without distraction - so there must be some kind of balance going on there. This is where I have started from - this beautiful aspect of her, but in all honesty I must say that the drama, at times, really puts my logical, capable side to the test and can irritate me no end. And...I suppose I all boils down to how much interest I have in changing the situation.
Ah well. Everyone in my life is here to help me to understand and learn how to master my energy in the face of this chaos. It is not easy, I tell ya, but I have no doubt I can do it. Well, mostly I do, but sometimes, I do express and feel doubt and hubby tells me that he has every faith in me that I will do what needs to be done.
I have done this many times before. Therefore I can do it again.