Walking through Oxford's botanical garden on Saturday, I realised that I don't want to be involved by simply growing plants for their beauty or to eat. I want to go back to my first love and use them for medicinal purposes.
I studied Herbal Medicine (Phytotherapy) whilst still living in South Africa, mostly because I felt it was time to concentrate on the physical body. I'd been immersed in meditation and finding out how to process emotions, but felt I was missing a link somewhere along the line. After that I combined the two and studied vibrational medicine for two years once we'd arrived in the UK.
I loved every minute of the studies and have used my knowledge over the years to help our children and I heal. In those days, hubby suffered through my ministrations but always resorted to medical drugs probably because it was what he knew and understood from his army days as a medic. Nothing wrong with that, we do what we are comfortable with.
I'd make my own medicines. I remember my brother asking me for advice on the one and only occasion he ever did. When I told him what to do, he observed that everything I suggested 'smelled' and was rather messy.
As alternative things here in the UK were/are so readily available, I got lazy I resorted to using homeopathy and over-the-counter natural remedies. And so I moved away from being a hands on medicine woman, who grew and made her own stuff.
This realisation in Oxford was another addition to an epiphany I had a few days ago. I woke in the night feeling unusually irritated and frustrated and had a major tantrum, stomping to the bathroom, muttering under my breath about everything. I don't have much to mutter about as my life is really good, but emotions don't care about that. When they wanna come out, they'll come out regardless of how good or bad our lives are. I felt stifled and obstructed by all the plans we'd made. I didn't feel like there is any flexibility at all...and still don't.
The following morning, lying in bed, hubby and I discussed how it seems we have become too focused on planning and boxing everything up. Nothing should be planned and we've somehow become very anal over the last year, making plans of the way we think our life should be. I wondered if the reason the 'Australia' thing had not moved much as it wasn't meant to be and maybe we'd missed another door in our eagerness to plan our lives. Every time we have spontaneously acted in the moment, it has worked without much effort, flowing smoothly and effortlessly...and yet this wasn't. Too much control!
On checking the shrub, there were no broken branches and the roots had not been pulled out of the ground, even though logically one would have thought so. The shrub had simply bent over...don't ask me how, I still cannot figure it out. It seemed to be resting. What sprang to mind as I pondered this was it was top heavy and the weight had pulled it over, just like my obsessive planning was weighing me down. Wow, strong message.
I suppose I could study, but that seems so dry and it is this exact dryness that has brought me to where I am now - feeling stifled with no spontaneity. Studying for the degree needed simply means having no ability to use my creative side - all logic. I have finally acknowledged out loud I really really really don't want that. I have been harbouring misgivings for a while, but because it seemed 'right', I went with it and yet it's not happening.
I want to completely and utterly immerse myself by being an apprentice - talk the talk and walk the walk. Suddenly the idea of living totally immersed in a way of life that embraces living off the land and using medicinal plants to heal, appeals to me. Both of us thought of India/Asia. It would be community living in the extreme.
Volunteering possibly. This is something that hubby has been talking about for years - once the children are independent - doing some volunteering. He has always wanted to go to South America. Suppose I can learn about this anywhere in the world - as long as it is somewhere it is part of the culture of every day life.
I am not good at staying in one place.The gypsy gene donated by both my parents. Once we'd moved from London into the country I said I'd like to put down roots and watch the plants and trees in my garden grow each year. I got my request - we have been in this house for 10 years and each year the garden has delighted me with her amazing gifts. But now I am getting restless again for new adventures. This restlessness has been getting stronger and stronger over the last few years. Hence the stifled feeling.
The epiphany I had at the gardens now kinda falls into place, as for a while I've been thinking about starting a blog about using natural products, but haven't quite got my arse into gear. I have been making my own lotions/cosmetics for about twenty years. Sometimes I buy and use natural products on the market, but always go back to my homemade stuff. But I there is much I don't know.
It seems the medicine woman within me is pushing herself to the fore.
Ah well, we will see what the new year brings - no plans, simply flying by the seat of my pants.
Hubby may be rolling his eyes when he reads this...changing careers...again...