Metamorphosis

 

Tuesday whilst sitting in the garden, completely zonked from lack of sleep having worked the night before, I decided to tune into one of the patients that had been in for a full polysomnography wire-up.

Now I don't normally do this, because once I leave the hospital I like to shut the door until I arrive back for another shift. But for some reason or another I kept thinking about him and feeling I should be looking deeper.

He was born, grew up in Sierra Leone and had been through a great deal of horror during his childhood in that war torn area. As a result he suffers with night terrors and some insomnia.



I have a dual role when I do my job. That of a sleep technician in the logical medical world and that of a metaphysician in the 'unseen' world. Masculine and feminine working hand in hand. Although mostly it is logical stuff as I don't have time to 'read' the patient, but I do use my gut feelings.

Anyways, as this gentleman has been blind since the age of 10, he came in with his guide dog. A honey of a golden retriever.

When I do this kind of wiring-up, I spend about an hour with the patient, but on this occasion the dog was pretty restless, so it took far longer. He seemed puzzled and rather unsettled by the whole thing and kept getting up to check on the patient and then nudging my hand. So we decided it would be best if we took little breaks and he would take the dog for regular walks around the hospital gardens that each bedroom of the sleep unit opens out onto.

The patient thought it was pretty amusing to be walking around the gardens in various stages of being wired up. I took photos of the different stages for him so he could show his family and friends.

So back to sitting in my garden, I shut my eyes and tuned in. As I did so I felt a masculine presence inside unfurl and shortly after that came a feminine presence. The visual I got was my two aspects ready to work together. I have never ever experienced this before.

He merged with her as though creating a secure form within which she could work. The energy was circulating between them. He was supporting her with energy, so she could do what she wanted to do. I could see them as separate and yet they weren't. The state of balance within me was mind-bogglingly incredible - soothing, relaxed and yet completely focused in a way I've never been focused before. And the confidence that these two inner aspects gave me, fuelled the hutzpa to move forward and do what was required.

I am not sure why they appeared as separate entities, but I suppose that is the form in which I could relate to them...or expected to see them in and how they presented their co-operation appealed to me.

She started weaving an energy net that she put around me when she'd finished. I saw her weave another net and place over someone else, which turned out to be the patient who was floating in front of me. I did a few other things that I do to clear and protect myself and then I connected with him.

The first thing I saw was his heart was giving off circular waves (in a spiral form) of green energy that became yellow as it moved out towards the edges. This 'disc' covered the whole of his upper body, from just below the solar plexus up to the collarbone. This was a vortex created by heart and solar plexus that allowed him to function in the world.


I asked to go deeper into his body and his rib cage opened up showing me his heart. The heart was a pink ranuncula flower that was cupped in a frame of steel that looked like a hand, with the stem in the palm and the fingers moving up around the big blowsy bloom. Although the dramatic visual of this restriction may seem horrible, he'd adjusted to it and it had become a friend and was in no way restrictive to him. It protects him from his emotions.

On his forehead, kinda where the hairline is, halfway between the third eye and crown was a bright yellow hibiscus. The stamen was red/pink. As I watched it, the colour slowly seeped away until it was very pale, almost white. I heard the words 'fades into insignificance'. This is where he connected with his unseen team and Source. This connection over the years had faded...as had his eyesight.

The front and lower back part of his brain was dark red, but the rest was a pale blue, it reminded me of the blue of a dead body when all the blood has drained away. Every so often there was a pulse of energy that moved through his brain. It was a sickly yellow and made me feel quite nauseous. At this stage I stopped because this yellow energy really rattled my body and it felt uncomfortable.

After breathing deeply and relaxing, I felt better we continued.

At the back of his head behind the crown was a purple flower that looked like an Iris but isn't. It seems to be some kind of antennae.

His back had another circular disc of energy of dark blue and as it spirals out to the edges becomes white. It looked like the ocean with little waves. I believe that this is the ocean that he floats in every day. It might seem like a lovely place to be but I do believe that he floats in the sea of his emotions rather than deals with them. But again, this is neither right nor wrong. It is simply how it is.

And that is where I left it. I did not go deeper or try and figure anything out.

I opened my eyes to find a Gatekeeper butterfly sitting on the purple flowers of the Mint growing in my garden. There had to be some significance in that, I thought. A gatekeeper to what?

I have been wondering since then what that was all about. Something shifted big time within me but I was not sure what. I have felt those two entities with me all the time since then. I have had a few clearing wobblies, where I simply felt I could not go on. But they did not last more than a few minutes.

I still feel those aspects with me today, although it is not quite so noticeable. I have become used to the added energy and presence. I have met and integrated another part of myself.

This morning I was feeling a little stressed. I'd had a conversation with my mother yesterday, who is struggling with the situation she and my step-dad find themselves. He is very very poorly, both mentally and physically. My mom does have help, but even so it must be very distressing for her. Part of me wants to 'sort out' the situation and yet I know I cannot. I simply have to be there when she needs someone to talk to.

Sitting up in bed first thing this morning, my brain was whipping around trying to find solutions. I was in 'do' mode. Hubby asked me to lie down with him. I was incredibly suspicious and asked why. He merely smiled and said he wants to love me. My first thought was I don't want sex. He obviously saw what I was thinking and said that there will be none of that. I should trust him.

So we spooned. He lay behind me holding me in his arms and told me that I felt as stiff as a plank. I was still in suspicious mode at that stage and my mind kept flipping from solution to problem.

Slowly but surely I started to relax. It finally penetrated my mind that there was a blissful feeling moving through my body coming from hubby behind me. I stopped thinking and really experienced what was occurring. He was in 'be' mode. He was fully present in a place of love for me. My hubby has never held a space quite like this for me before, where he has nothing going on in the back of his mind, no little programmes going on in the background that give off an energy of ulterior motives. Nothing...simply unconditional love and it was waiting patiently for me. My body had recognised and accepted it, but my mind was fretting too much to notice.

All I can say that this stage is this - I thought I'd seen it all when it came to our relationship. I did not really know what unconditional love was. I thought I'd felt it, but after today. No ways could anything in the past ever be compared with this experience.

Sitting here now writing about this, I realise that what I experienced with hubby was the same as the previous encounter with my two aspects earlier in the week. This inner occurrence has manifested itself in my outer world.

This expression of love and change in energy shows me how much the world is changing. It might not seem so for many, but it is possible. By me simply stopping to acknowledge the changes it has made so much difference to me. The alternative was that I have remained in mental mode, ignored what was happening and missed this incredible opportunity of growth and acceptance.

There is a pesky thought that keeps raising itself in my mind since then. I've done all of this by myself over the years, never depending on anyone to bring myself back to bliss and balance. Do I really want to rely on someone else to do this for me. As I thought that I was visited by another butterfly - this time it is a Peacock Butterfly.

Peacock butterfly

Symbolism:  She asks us to accept the changes in our lives as casually as she does. Her unwavering acceptance of her metamorphosis is also symbolic of faith. Here the butterfly beckons us to keep our faith as we undergo transitions in our lives. She understands that our toiling, fretting and anger are useless against the turning tides of nature - she asks us to recognize the same. 

Okay point taken. I shall not look a gift horse in the mouth. I will go with it and see what happens.

I am so very grateful for everything in my life, especially this beautiful man, who never ceases to astound me.



P.S. I am not sure of the significance of 'reading' the patient. Maybe it was simply an exercise for me.