Experiencing love...being whole, complete and fully present (as much as possible) with deep love for, not only ourself but with another, is a rather daunting prospect. It is surrendering ourselves to the experience of being in love with everything. No boundaries, no restrictions, no holding back. Simply being love in a sea of love.
Yeesh! Who'da thought that being love could be so exhilarating and scary at the same time.
The gentleness, total acceptance and unconditional love I received on Saturday from hubby has turned out to be such a turn on for me (blog Metamorphosis). Who knew?
It's been so wonderful that I want to strip all protection from my heart and share everything with the world. And yet...I can't. That logical side of myself is backtracking a bit, pestering me with ideas of what 'could' happen if I did so.
And yet the overwhelming urge is so strong, that when I do pull back, I feel slightly depressed and unhappy. It is as though I am being nudged to fully embrace it (as best I can).
I am sorta see-sawing between elation and wariness. This is usual for me, whether I am clearing my issues on my own, and/or delving deeper into our relationship, stripping away all that is between us as a couple.
On my own, I can allow my heart to open and wow! what an incredible experience. But on occasion, even with hubby, I find my old patterns taking over and I pull back somewhat.
It always takes a some ground-breaking (ground like concrete!!) to make sure the change is permanent.
My hubby has handed me a gift on a plate that I hesitate to accept...I did accept a portion of it...but not all. I keep running in to touch on it and then running away. Just gotta be patient with myself.
Reminds me of those videos you see of kittens not being sure of something new, running toward it, then running away, eventually getting used to whatever was scaring them and accepting it as 'normal'.
Like anything, it will take time for me to adjust...and for hubby to adjust too. This is after all a two way street. Whatever affects me, affects him and vice versa.
One thing that both of us have noticed, is that we seem to be spending longer and longer periods in the NOW, when nothing past or future seems to intrude. No 'woulda', 'shoulda' or 'coulda'.
When I am working I have a long list (in my head) of the things I need to do that day. It seems these days, that list is there somewhere, but I am unaware of it. I focus fully on what I am doing and nothing intrudes...and yet I am able to accomplish everything that needs to be done without thinking about it or figuring out ways to get it done in time. It just happens.
Admittedly it is not all the time, but it seems that daily the time period of being in the NOW is becoming greater and greater. There was one day where it happened the whole day. I only noticed it when I climbed into bed and whilst winding down thought about my day.
I asked hubby on Sunday if he was aware of this. At first he was confused but in my usual roundabout long-winded way I finally managed to get him to understand what I was talking about. After some thought, he confirmed that it was happening to him too.
This makes me wonder how many others are experiencing this but are unaware of it?
The inroads that are being made by the tangible overlay that I spoke about in the blog New Energy is certainly creating change. But I suppose until there is a mental flip-over within a person (like I had on Saturday), most will be unaware of the blissful changes that the body is having.
Haha...oobly doobly at its best.