Towards the end of last week I dreamt about my mother. I cannot remember the dream in detail but I recall the feelings of being so loved in every way. When I awoke the song ‘we’ll meet again’ was playing in my head. I didn’t think too much about it, wondering if I’d get to see my mom again as I’ve not seen her for about 4 years now, as they don’t travel much these days.
Huh…it was actually an introduction to a different Mother energy as I discovered on Saturday…
Kundalini energy – not something I’ve delved into in a deep way, I simply call it the creative energy. I am aware of it and that every so often when it is triggered I can really feel it. For the most part it has been an active surging energy for a moment or two before it descends back to the base.
As I relaxed into a meditation on Saturday, I became aware of energy rising up my spine from the base chakra. It was very different to anything I have previously experienced and yet I knew it was kundalini.
Now that I think about those occasions I realise now that the energy did not seem ‘quite right’, but I did not know anything different. Now I do. The only way I can actually reference it is to say it seemed more balanced and I experienced it from a place of stillness rather than that of activity, although at times it wasn’t active it was passive, if that makes sense. Hmm...actually I have experienced it from a place of stillness and yet it wasn't the same stillness.
In the old paradigm everything was out of kilter. Therefore it stands to reason that the kundalini energy we have all experienced without the balancing energy of the divine feminine has been out of kilter too…or ‘not quite right’. So…in this eye opening moment in time I felt the energy as it truly should be…or rather as it is now for me. I suspect I have not even touched the tip of the iceberg of ‘rightness’.
It moved up my spine rather gently, in a slow moving, nurturing and peaceful trickle, looking like smoky tendrils as it made its way up the tube from my base chakra. I watched with detached interest as it became blue before it lazily connected with my crown chakra. The instant it did, I could almost hear it click into place throughout my whole body. The blue unhurriedly morphed into all the colours of the rainbow and then some. A few seconds later I was gone…out of my body…and yet still aware of everything around me as I lay on the bed.
Hubby knew the moment I left because his energy started to agitate as it touched mine wondering what was going on and why my energy was no longer fully focused with his. I also knew the moment he thought he needed to move to get my attention. I opened my eyes, feeling really peaceful and asked what the problem was. He replied that he thought I’d fallen asleep as the depth of my meditation was such that I’d become very heavy. He didn’t really articulate his fear, but couched it in something else that he could refer to.
After a brief explanation, changing position, I shut my eyes and was back flying out into the universe in a state of peace and had some amazing experiences which I will document at another time.
I had, all at the same time with all that was happening, realised that hubby was not quite ready to go on this journey with me. The fear held within his body had kept him back and as a result he did not get back into the meditative state. He was also wary of where I’d disappeared to, his warrior mode and need to protect raising its head, even though I have been doing this for years without his protection.
I sensed his frustration at not being able to go where I went, but the time will arrive soon enough. In the meanwhile we move forward gently, sweetly and patiently – and on occasion I will go off and explore on my own as I did that day and a few subsequent occasions since then. The magnificent and deeply nurturing Kundalini energy, together with our heart space, will hold still, waiting peacefully until he is ready. It is not an energy that is overpowering and demands activity, but rather it is quiet, loving and very, very aware. It is an awareness that is a living breathing awareness…something I’ve not ever been conscious of before. No, that is not quite correct. I am aware of the living breathing awareness around me, I've not experienced it within me and yet I recognise it as something very familiar.
While it waits patiently within hubby, holding him safely as he works through his fear, it is encouraging me (very sweetly but without being pushy) to explore. Its confidence in my abilities is astounding and has made a huge an impact on me. I find myself in a space of profound loving happiness making me cry. I am truly loved and loved so deeply. I am accepted in every way without judgement. This is me loving me fully, openly and without restraint. It is another layer that has been peeled away and exposed.
I do know that the ‘it’ I describe is the balanced masculine/feminine energy that is me, it is you, it is hubby, it is everyone and everything. It waits patiently for us to acknowledge it in its other form…I cannot say ‘new’ form as it has never really changed. We are the ones that blocked it out in order to experience what we have.
There was also a deep resonance or affirmation of life within my body as each cell’s kundalini within vibrated in sync with the larger version from root to crown.
It was then that I noticed each cell has its own chakra system. Wow…never saw that coming, did I?
The kundalini energy seems to now be permanently ‘on’ and changes colour with my intentions and/or feelings. I have been experimenting with it. For example when it is blue I find myself cold and yet when I change it to red I am hot. I’ve tried pink which I felt is a temperate colour and my body temperature has calmed down.
When I get cold or hot I tune into my feelings which are creating the change in the kundalini and thus influencing my whole body and how it experiences.
And all of this is happening through the heart. As you might or might not know my heart chakra has grown to encompass the whole chakra system on my body or rather should I say – All of Me. And so everything that I experience is through the heart these days.
It has been an interesting journey changing my standard/habitual impulse reactions to anything that I am faced with. It is all experimentation. Noting how the mind, soul, heart and body, at times, can work together like a well-oiled machine. I would like to say it is ALL thoroughly enjoyable but truthfully I would be hard pressed to say so, but mostly it is good and surprisingly not that hard to do. I don’t have to spend time watching or checking anything as I feel an instant resonance within myself acknowledging that a thought needs to change. It is like having an alarm in the body that once set off, instantly swings a change of attitude into action.
We are like the colours of the rainbow and therefore it makes sense that everyone of us will perceive and understand it differently, so my experience will not be like yours.
Again, I wish to give my thanks of gratitude to each one of you. When you move forward you push us into new experiences so we can anchor it, step by step, along the way.