For years I could never figure out how meditation and sexuality fit together.
Despite the practice of tantra, I could never quite ‘get it’. I knew much intellectually, but when it came to the true understanding from within, it wasn’t there. It simply confused me. How could I incorporate sex into meditation? How do we get from the BEing into the DOing without there being a definite line created when moving from one to the other?
It didn’t trouble me too much as I knew when the time was right I would find the answer. In the meantime I continued to experience them as two separate states. This may seem rather contradictory…but in spite of this, I still entered an altered state during love making. The separation and misunderstanding came from the mind which did not believe I could possibly be in both states at the same time whereas my body knew what was going on. There was no harmony.
As I re-read the above paragraph, the image that came to mind is of two separate images slowly but surely coming together to form one image. As the emotions and thought forms were slowly peeled away a better understanding emerged – it was very subtle and not one that I noticed. It was an integration that I was totally unaware of.
Gradually without realising it or know what it was, we started to practice Karezza. One day, on the ‘off chance’, I came across a website about Karezza. It was exciting to actually see the written words of others defining what we’d been experiencing. It was a piece of the puzzle that was missing.
I enthusiastically embraced this - hubby was happy to go along. I devoured as much as I could on the subject and we put everything into practice. But again despite this, there seemed to be something missing and I could never figure out what it was. I thought I’d finally understood and bridged the two separate states. We were able to move around in the meditative state from BEing to DOing without a hitch.
On Friday night I had a dream about entering a lift with someone else. The lift doors closed and the lift started to fall rapidly. I remember clutching the hand rail in fear. Within seconds I could see the Ground button lit up indicating we were at ground level but the elevator kept moving at speed.
I braced myself expecting to feel the impact but nothing happened. I heard an inner voice whisper, ‘It’s an illusion. Look past it’. It was then that I really looked around me. A veil parted and behind it I could see the real buttons of the elevator. We’d climbed in at the 10th floor but the lit button indicated we were only on the 7th floor.
It’s all an illusion.
The following day was my birthday. It was a full and busy day but during the afternoon we managed to put aside two hours for meditation and lovemaking. It was during the lovemaking that it all ‘fell’ into place. I discovered what the bridge was – due to the fact that I finally let go. I let go of all preconceived ideas of what should or shouldn’t be, all the things I’d learnt from others and in that AHA moment I realised how much of a master I am of my own destiny. I felt all of these ideas drop away and I was left with something I’d never experienced before.
All these years I’d been having sex and meditating because of these preconceived ideas of someone else which were creating the reality of the lovemaking we’d experienced. The missing element was the ‘real’ me that understood what it was all about, without all the learning, studying and experiencing.
The illusion was stripped away in that AHA moment and I found another layer of myself which existed beneath all the understandings that I’d piled on top.
Each one of the things that I have learned on my path were instrumental in bringing me to where I am today. It is with deep gratitude that I thank them and let them go. Without them I would not have discovered what I did.
Yesterday I received in my inbox a link to my own blog telling me I’d uploaded a piece that I wrote in June last year called Meditation andthe stargates of the body. Often times this has happened – I don’t query cos I know there is a reason which I will eventually understand. Today the synchronicity is not lost on me.
Reckon I must have moved deeper within the stargates of the body, eh?
Bashar on relationships -