A really interesting discussion with a friend has had
me doing a foray back into my marriage history with hubby.
We had a very difficult marriage..we didn't simply arrive at this state of bliss we currently have. We didn't have a marriage made
in heaven.
I don’t badmouth people and I won’t do so now. Hubby and I
were both responsible for the state of our marriage and whatever disputes we
had were all for a purpose.
I have not mentioned in detail the difficulties
that we faced as it could take pages and pages of the resentments I harboured.
I had to get out of my own way and realise that it started with ME and ended with ME. I was the creator of my reality, I had the starring role.
Once I ‘got’ that, things started to change.
Which now brings me to feeling the deep connection that we
have these days.
How did that happen when there was a stage where we couldn’t
stand the sight of each other, let alone touch each other?
It was me…me as the divine feminine. I created the space within which the change could occur. But not in a
way that it made me grovel or be submissive. I also wasn’t aggressive about it.
I simply believed in what I was doing and it came from the heart. Okay so my
heart wasn’t as clear as it could be, but over the years it has become clearer,
specifically because I made the intention that it would.
I had to approach this from a place of sovereignty. So I cut any ties that I had with him...which caused a negative reaction as he felt the ties being cut...but eventually we reached a state of balance. It wasn't easy but it was necessary. I wasn't always the goody-two shoes...sometimes I screeched like a banshee :-). It happens...but the blood sweat and tears were worth it.
I had to approach this from a place of sovereignty. So I cut any ties that I had with him...which caused a negative reaction as he felt the ties being cut...but eventually we reached a state of balance. It wasn't easy but it was necessary. I wasn't always the goody-two shoes...sometimes I screeched like a banshee :-). It happens...but the blood sweat and tears were worth it.
And if our marriage
was not to be…then it would have ended. But it didn’t, it carried on and slowly but surely got
better, until we had a good marriage, full of fun and love. We’d cleared the
issues between us.
Did he do any of it? I haven’t got a clue, but what I do know is
this - the initial effort came from me, which allowed him to move into his heart as I moved into mine.
At first I took responsibility for him, but then I realised doing that wasn't good as it was going nowhere. He had to take responsibility for himself. So by looking into my heart and finding out what I felt about him and realising that my closed heart was reflecting out and bringing to me that which I needed to look at. My biggest challenge was to really look at myself, acknowledge what was going on and change it. This had a knock on effect on hubby.
This was part of my remit - to find the love within myself and allow it to spill over into our relationship.
At first I took responsibility for him, but then I realised doing that wasn't good as it was going nowhere. He had to take responsibility for himself. So by looking into my heart and finding out what I felt about him and realising that my closed heart was reflecting out and bringing to me that which I needed to look at. My biggest challenge was to really look at myself, acknowledge what was going on and change it. This had a knock on effect on hubby.
This was part of my remit - to find the love within myself and allow it to spill over into our relationship.
That may sound arrogant but look at it this way. Here is a
male, a very masculine male, being asked to tap into his feminine side. How
could he could that? He didn’t have any role models. But neither did I for that
matter. I was a very masculine female. But we chose this...it was part of our contract before we incarnated.
But I had the advantage in that when I fell pregnant, my
feminine side started to waken.
I am not sure how to express this…
The penny dropped one day that he can only do what I give
him energetically.
During lovemaking if there was the same old same old, I’d
take a look at what I was feeling during the lovemaking instead of looking at
him and fuming over the fact that he didn’t ‘do’ what I wanted him to do or
bottling it up inside so that it became a boiling resentment. Been there done it,
time to move on.
And I am not talking about doing more extreme things simply
to get a buzz. What I am talking about is making love with a fully open heart.
His heart was closed. Of course it was. He’s an ex-soldier…he had to close his
heart.
It was my job to help him open his heart, but I had to do
this in a way that didn’t make him feel inadequate or threatened, which meant
working on myself so that I could reach a place where this could happen.
I took each minute as it came. I loved him to the best of my
abilities at any given moment. I accepted him. That in itself was a major
achievement and for him a relief energetically because I wasn’t pushing him or
judging him any more.
I've had the experience of both a soul-mate and a twin-flame in this lifetime. We had to clear our karmic issues before the twin could arrive. So not only was I dealing with soul-mate issues, I had twin-flame issues too - such as the separation anxiety, the resentment of being the one who came here and he stayed behind, etc.
Twin-flames don't have it easy, so don't expect that when you meet your twin-flame it will be a match made in heaven. As physical beings we have had and some still do have a lot of baggage and together with the denseness of the world we've lived in, and for some still experiencing, it will bring these to the surface.
I've had the experience of both a soul-mate and a twin-flame in this lifetime. We had to clear our karmic issues before the twin could arrive. So not only was I dealing with soul-mate issues, I had twin-flame issues too - such as the separation anxiety, the resentment of being the one who came here and he stayed behind, etc.
Twin-flames don't have it easy, so don't expect that when you meet your twin-flame it will be a match made in heaven. As physical beings we have had and some still do have a lot of baggage and together with the denseness of the world we've lived in, and for some still experiencing, it will bring these to the surface.
So if you have a partner that you judge, take a step back and
look at what you are judging, because it is probably all your own stuff and he/she
is merely reacting to it. Instead of moaning about what he/she does or doesn't
do, rein yourself in and take a look at your own energy...
I am the divine feminine, that is why I incarnated
as a female. I've embraced it and become the strong, patient, nurturing, loving BEing that I am and I led him gently to his heart, as he led me to mine.
The world is full of strong capable women who are (some are already doing so) getting ready to embrace the masculine and love him back into balance.
The world is full of strong capable women who are (some are already doing so) getting ready to embrace the masculine and love him back into balance.
4 comments:
Thanks Karen for sharing your story so honestly. I could have written it myself with a few twists, but same basic theme. After 4 years of sacred solitude....what a gift!.....I knew i was still in resistance/attachment to what was and what may be. My mantra has always been to trust the highest benevolent result despite appearances.
Even tho i understood the roles, the mirrors, the purpose, and the results...still hadn't quite let go. Now I have and your blog touched/confirmed an open heart.
Blessings,
Claudia
It's a blessing to receive this confirmation, isn't it? Wonderful lifepaths are unfolding... :-)
Thank you, Claudia, for letting me know.
Heart hugs of happiness
KP
I Loved reading this blog...thank you!!
Going through a re-union with my husband after quite a long separation..we try to make it "marriage version 2.0" in every sense...hmm :)
Much Love to you,
Johanna
Many blessings of love and strength to the two of you, Johanna, on this new version of your marriage :-)
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