Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Loving someone into bliss

A really interesting discussion with a friend has had me doing a foray back into my marriage history with hubby.

We had a very difficult marriage..we didn't simply arrive at this state of bliss we currently have. We didn't have a marriage made in heaven.

I don’t badmouth people and I won’t do so now. Hubby and I were both responsible for the state of our marriage and whatever disputes we had were all for a purpose. 

I have not mentioned in detail the difficulties that we faced as it could take pages and pages of the resentments I harboured.

Everything, and I mean everything that we faced as a married couple was all my own stuff. There is no dispute that hubby had his own issues, of course he did. But his reaction to me and our marriage was ME.

I had to get out of my own way and realise that it started with ME and ended with ME. I was the creator of my reality, I had the starring role.

Once I ‘got’ that, things started to change.

Which now brings me to feeling the deep connection that we have these days.

How did that happen when there was a stage where we couldn’t stand the sight of each other, let alone touch each other?

It was me…me as the divine feminine. I created the space within which the change could occur. But not in a way that it made me grovel or be submissive. I also wasn’t aggressive about it. I simply believed in what I was doing and it came from the heart. Okay so my heart wasn’t as clear as it could be, but over the years it has become clearer, specifically because I made the intention that it would.

I had to approach this from a place of sovereignty. So I cut any ties that I had with him...which caused a negative reaction as he felt the ties being cut...but eventually we reached a state of balance. It wasn't easy but it was necessary. I wasn't always the goody-two shoes...sometimes I screeched like a banshee :-). It happens...but the blood sweat and tears were worth it.

And if our marriage was not to be…then it would have ended. But it didn’t, it carried on and slowly but surely got better, until we had a good marriage, full of fun and love. We’d cleared the issues between us.

Did he do any of it? I haven’t got a clue, but what I do know is this - the initial effort came from me, which allowed him to move into his heart as I moved into mine.

At first I took responsibility for him, but then I realised doing that wasn't good as it was going nowhere. He had to take responsibility for himself. So by looking into my heart and finding out what I felt about him and realising that my closed heart was reflecting out and bringing to me that which I needed to look at. My biggest challenge was to really look at myself, acknowledge what was going on and change it. This had a knock on effect on hubby.

This was part of  my remit - to find the love within myself and allow it to spill over into our relationship.

That may sound arrogant but look at it this way. Here is a male, a very masculine male, being asked to tap into his feminine side. How could he could that? He didn’t have any role models. But neither did I for that matter. I was a very masculine female. But we chose this...it was part of our contract before we incarnated.

But I had the advantage in that when I fell pregnant, my feminine side started to waken.

I am not sure how to express this…

The penny dropped one day that he can only do what I give him energetically.

During lovemaking if there was the same old same old, I’d take a look at what I was feeling during the lovemaking instead of looking at him and fuming over the fact that he didn’t ‘do’ what I wanted him to do or bottling it up inside so that it became a boiling resentment. Been there done it, time to move on.

And I am not talking about doing more extreme things simply to get a buzz. What I am talking about is making love with a fully open heart. His heart was closed. Of course it was. He’s an ex-soldier…he had to close his heart.

It was my job to help him open his heart, but I had to do this in a way that didn’t make him feel inadequate or threatened, which meant working on myself so that I could reach a place where this could happen.

I took each minute as it came. I loved him to the best of my abilities at any given moment. I accepted him. That in itself was a major achievement and for him a relief energetically because I wasn’t pushing him or judging him any more.

I've had the experience of both a soul-mate and a twin-flame in this lifetime. We had to clear our karmic issues before the twin could arrive. So not only was I dealing with soul-mate issues, I had twin-flame issues too - such as the separation anxiety, the resentment of being the one who came here and he stayed behind, etc.

Twin-flames don't have it easy, so don't expect that when you meet your twin-flame it will be a match made in heaven. As physical beings we have had and some still do have a lot of baggage and together with the denseness of the world we've lived in, and for some still experiencing, it will bring these to the surface.

So if you have a partner that you judge, take a step back and look at what you are judging, because it is probably all your own stuff and he/she is merely reacting to it. Instead of moaning about what he/she does or doesn't do, rein yourself in and take a look at your own energy...

I am the divine feminine, that is why I incarnated as a female. I've embraced it and become the strong, patient, nurturing, loving BEing that I am and I led him gently to his heart, as he led me to mine.

The world is full of strong capable women who are (some are already doing so) getting ready to embrace the masculine and love him back into balance.


claudia said...

Thanks Karen for sharing your story so honestly. I could have written it myself with a few twists, but same basic theme. After 4 years of sacred solitude....what a gift!.....I knew i was still in resistance/attachment to what was and what may be. My mantra has always been to trust the highest benevolent result despite appearances.
Even tho i understood the roles, the mirrors, the purpose, and the results...still hadn't quite let go. Now I have and your blog touched/confirmed an open heart.


Karen-Pallas said...

It's a blessing to receive this confirmation, isn't it? Wonderful lifepaths are unfolding... :-)
Thank you, Claudia, for letting me know.
Heart hugs of happiness

Anonymous said...

I Loved reading this blog...thank you!!
Going through a re-union with my husband after quite a long separation..we try to make it "marriage version 2.0" in every sense...hmm :)
Much Love to you,

Karen-Pallas said...

Many blessings of love and strength to the two of you, Johanna, on this new version of your marriage :-)