I lost my rag yesterday at work.
Since I’ve been back from Australia…I seem to have become invisible to the admin staff. Things that they’d done for me during the afternoon siesta studies suddenly weren’t happening. I let it go for the first few weeks but finally asked the team leader what was going on and why had things changed.
She apologised and said she'd make sure everything fell back into place…but darn it, if it didn’t. So patiently I expected ‘things’ to happen each week…but nothing…until yesterday when it was so blatantly obvious…so I threw my toys out the cot.
Okay so it wasn’t spectacular like hubby can do. Man alive, can he make the heavens thunder when he is angry and you really know he is angry and why - man knows what it is to be passionate :-).
I simply stamped my foot, snapped an instruction and glared at them…but it was enough to get them moving. I later asked for a meeting with the manager and team leader. Both apologised and said things would improve…
Now these ladies are NOT nasty by any means. They are really lovely people…so I was having difficulty understanding why, when I asked if they’d done things like make the follow up appointments for the patients…they’d stare at me as though I’d spoken a foreign language and they didn’t understand a word I was saying. This is very unusual because over the last two years of doing the siestas, I’ve always had great support. Yes, there are little niggles but they don’t bother me too much, as once I resolve the issue with-in me, everything falls into place.
It has made me wonder if I was so out of their frequency zone, that I’d sorta disappeared. Intellectually they know I do the siestas, but further than that, I don’t seem to exist. But you know what...this is all my own stuff that I'd neglected to have a look at and this explosion was a way of getting me to look at it. Unfortunately, I had to involve the others!
During the meeting the main thing that came out my mouth and which I realised as I was talking, was that I was feeling a distinct lack of support…hmm…
So I had a look at my energy last night…and yes I do feel unsupported. So today I am going to do some deep meditative work to find out why I feel this way.
I also had a very elderly patient in my clinic yesterday morning that was extremely frail and so obviously not coping much. He smelt like he hadn’t had a bath in ages and his clothes were very dirty with food smeared all over…as for his machine…erk…six pairs of gloves later.
Anyways, while chatting to him I could feel the compassion in my heart…but a vague thought crossed my mind and it was this – would I feel capable of giving him a loving hug? That kinda threw me somewhat.
Once he’d left, I got to thinking about how easy it is to talk to patients over the phone or email, but actually coming face to face with them is another story entirely. Which made me think about friendships over the internet…we never really ‘know’ someone until we meet them, listen to their voice and spend time in their company.
I do believe that, amongst the many reasons that I know why I am in this specific job at this time – another reason is that I am learning face to face how to understand my own energy and how it reacts to others.
This energy of love is really throwing things at me that I’d never have considered before.
And so I carry on dancing through this new way of being.
This morning on tuning into my energy I find that I am wearing a very large headdress of teardrop diamonds, almost like a chandelier. Gotta find out what it is all about.