Past and present guilts

I dreamt this morning that I was working in a shop that sold all sorts of things. 

I was standing behind the counter with a large book in my hand that had short contracts of some kind in it and I was looking through it noting the mistakes that some sales people had made. I think I was the manager or something.

Anyways this gentleman was moaning about the fact that we’d (as in I as the manager of the shop) had stopped selling his special pillow. I took him to the section where the pillows were and explained why we’d change them. He wasn’t convinced.

Next thing I know an elderly well dressed lady walks in and moans at me about stopping the line of pens that she used. She sat down and said she refused to leave until we brought them back as she had to have that kind of pen. She’d used it all her life and wasn’t prepared to change now.

In the background I could hear another person who’d come in complaining that it was my fault his sales were falling because we no longer stocked what he wanted.

I remember looking at all of them and wondering why they could not see the advantage of change.

I went to speak to the proprietor of the shop and explained what was happening. She came with me to speak to them and as we walked into the shop they all turned to look at me and very loudly, ‘IT’S HER FAULT’.

That’s when I woke feeling rather rattled by the whole episode.

I asked what that was about and was instantly transported into episodes where I’d felt I was the catalyst that brought change in others’ lives and how guilty I felt about it.

The first one that came to the front was when I first started teaching developing circles in 1996, there was a couple who came to the circle. The husband stayed with us for about six months and then decided he’d had enough, but his wife continued.

Shortly after he left the group, he left his wife for a ‘penpal’ over the internet. Turns out it wasn’t what he expected so he begged to come back and she refused. Next thing I hear he was going through a sex change and I assume he is now a woman. Guilt popped up. Logically I knew none of this was my fault and neither of them blamed me…but nevertheless emotionally I took this as my fault...and there was that little thought form running around in my subconscious that said it was.

When we lived in London a woman came to me who was from another country. She was having difficulties in her marriage. I worked on her liver which according to my 'sight' was frozen so she could not feel her anger.

Next thing I get a message on my answerphone from her saying she has left her husband and has gone back to her home country. Guilt again. I know it wasn’t my fault logically…but underneath was that subconscious thought form.

Oh my word there was a long list of things which had me eventually withdrawing about 4 years ago from interacting or teaching...hmmm…and then we hit the past life stuff…and kept going and kept going until we hit Atlantis.

I’ve always known that I was the Dean of a Higher Learning University. We studied the esoteric. For years I’ve always seen myself looking out of my round office. The walls were windows that looked out over the city. I was wearing a beige suit and deep in thought about a dilemma I faced. The sky has clouds in it. The sun must either be setting or rising because everything is tinged with a reddish/pink/orange glow.

This time the vision went further and I looked down at some runes on the desk. I knew that dark times were coming. For ages I’d tried to stop this move into darkness but it hadn’t worked…and I felt guilty. I sat down and called in the my unseen helpers.

The split between the esoteric and technology was very definite and I knew it didn’t bode for a good future…but at the same time I knew that it was all part of the cycle and no matter what I did, it would happen.

The scene then switched to me and several others standing in field…I think it was many years later…and we were singing and chanting. I could see the waters rising in the background. We were singing all our knowledge into bubbles and sending them up into the ethers with the intention that when the time was right and the rise in consciousness occurred these bubbles would be activated and we would have access to them.

Finally, we sang a code of protection over Atlantis as she sank…once again to be activated once the rise in consciousness occurred. I knew we were in for a really dark time.

I chose to die singing, as did the others.

Most decided not to incarnate again, but I was one of those that did as I needed to feel the depths of darkness…which believe me I did and have.

This all started because I asked the question…What is holding me back from fully stepping into Lightwork again? And then I meditated on the codes the twins gave me.

I am aware of how powerful our energy can be…one of the lifetimes I was a priestess and was in an argument with another priestess. There was a great deal of build-up of resentment, anger and jealousy and despite the knowledge that the two of us had that our anger could cause problems…we still gave in to our baser instincts.

Guilt again…

One of my past lives I was the only daughter of a very wealthy couple, who passed away when I was young. I devoted my life to being a healer and opened my huge house to those less fortunate than myself. I nursed a lot of soldiers back to health and if they never got their health back…they remained there. I never married and always lived in solitude…atoning for all the ‘sins’ of guilt that I had carried through life time after life time, although in that lifetime I wasn’t aware of why I felt this need...but I certainly cleared a lot during this time.

We have no idea how deep our emotions or thoughts run. I’ve always had the abilities…I’ve simply been too wary of using them...and yet even though I have pushed them away...my energy still makes inroads. I cannot stop it unless I completely withdraw from society. Have I finally laid to rest those thoughts and fears? Time will tell. But I do know this...I have to take complete responsibility instead of hiding away.

How much do we influence each other? It is never more obvious to me these days that we are all part of one, how else could we interact the way we do.