My son is mad at me…
After nagging him last week about getting up off his ass and doing something about getting his references sorted…which I did for him…he once again sat around bemoaning the fact that he’d heard nothing.
So me being me, decided to take him down to the school to pick up the references from both referees. He didn’t want to go…we batted heads over this. Later he came and asked me not to be annoyed at him.
I asked why he was creating this for himself…what was he fearful of? He needed to think about why he did not want this sorted. He disappeared without answering. Yeah…I am one of those maddening people that makes you face yourself and he doesn’t always like it.
I picked up the phone and told him to phone HR – gave him the number and said forcefully DO IT NOW. He did with a sulk.
Guess what? The ball is and always has been firmly in his court. Turns out the references were received and HR immediately sent him an email asking him to report for duty.
‘When was the email sent to you?’ I asked out of curiosity.
Sheepishly he looked at me and said, ‘Eight days ago and I was supposed to start on Monday.’
Eight…it took a while to penetrate…EIGHT days ago. Monday…MONDAY - this past Monday? My instant thought was ‘stupid boy’. I suppose he could have lied and said he received it yesterday…but he didn’t.
Calmly I asked why he’d not seen this email. Well, it turns out he doesn’t check his emails, does he?
Again I did not react but asked if they were still offering the job?
He’s not sure – the manager of the section he’ll be working in is supposed to call him. So we are still not sure…this is exhausting me. I so don’t want the responsibility and yet I feel the tug of being a mom to a youngster still not 18 yet and so obviously in his own world.
I stood deep in thought about the whole thing and wondering what kinda start this was for him. He’s always had everything land in his lap without much effort…this time he’s had to make an effort and he couldn’t be bothered. Have I taken away his ability to get what he wants or is this all tied into the personality he has incarnated as?
He came to hug me and asked, ‘What’s wrong, mom. You’re looking sad.’
Silly me, I blurted what I was thinking…and he stalked off in a huff, swearing under his breath about both of us never being happy - both of us being hubby and I.
I’ve always tried to walk a fine line as both my children grew older. To let them go a bit at a time so that they could spread their wings and experience what they needed in their lives and to learn to take responsibility for each choice they make and accept the consequences.
I was considered one of those moms, by other parents, as being too lenient and allowing my kids to do what they want. What might have added fuel to the fire is both my kids went into mainstream schooling from an 'alternative' schooling. I also had a reputation of being a 'witchy' woman who could cause havoc.
Hehe…yeah I used to stand over my cauldron and create all kinds of spells…my kids have played on this and I think my reputation grew out of control because of them. They loved frightening their friends. Until one of the moms saw me on TV in my capacity as a sleep technician talking very 'importantly' on what we do at the sleep centre. Since then my reputation has changed to being someone who is very knowledgeable…wow the vagaries of life.
One day hubby also found out that they used to play on his ‘big bruiser’ façade. All the boys are frightened of his size and scowl…and have a great deal of respect for him. I think secretly he enjoys this.
Oh, the sweetheart. He’s just come in to say sorry and to tell me that the manager contacted him to say he can start on Monday.
It was a beautiful moment of both of us crying as we said sorry. Okay...I cried and he blinked a lot as he patted me on the back.
He can be such a sweetie...
He can be such a sweetie...
This is part of life…the constant struggle to be true to yourself and let others be themselves. Accepting that there will be something that we don’t like about another but allowing them to walk their own path to discovery.