Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Friday, 24 October 2014

Acknowledging and accepting change

Mother and Daughter Holding a Bouquet of Flowers

What a very interesting, emotionally draining and euphoric time I’ve had over the last 6 weeks.

With the current intense period of planetary alignments, eclipses, solar flares, the equinox, and blood moon, nothing is able to stay the same. Tonight is going to be a whopper. If you want to know more about this, there are plenty of astrologers who have blogs on the internet. One I find particularly interesting is this one Traversing Divine Darkness by Sarah Varcas mostly because Pallas Athena is very prominent in my life.

This section really jumped out at me when I read it yesterday - "The Solar Eclipse, flanked by Venus on one side and asteroid Pallas on the other, occurs at 9:45 pm GMT on 23rd October in the 1st degree of Scorpio. This eclipse feels paradoxical, for whilst it signifies a powerful drive inward for answers, forcing us to look beneath the sanitised surface of our lives for deeper and more penetrating truths, it does so in such a way that this depth journey can be pleasurable rather than scary, productively creative rather than underminingly confronting. Whatever it is we need to find in the shadows of this eclipse, we can do so without their revelation tearing us apart or disrupting current progress. As such this eclipse comes as a gift, even if its immediate fruits consist of an awakening to darker and more disturbing tendencies within us.

As mentioned, asteroid Pallas aligns with this eclipse. She is the warrior queen and arbiter of justice. She fights for equality and advocates balance. She pursues wholeness rather than polarisation and honesty rather than deference to an inaccurate but more widely accepted order. Pallas in Scorpio reminds us that we all have dark corners where monsters lurk, but she knows them as our most creative places and deepest sources of wisdom. To neglect them simply leaves us half-asleep and off the boil, like a radio not quite tuned in, full of static and interference. In alignment with this eclipse Pallas offers us sharpness of inner vision and the courage to use it. She doesn’t flinch at the sight of our inner terrain cast in shadow and icy cold from neglect. She simply looks at what she finds, knows it, accepts it and recognises that it is part of a greater whole which is easily vast enough to contain all things without shattering into pieces under the weight of the paradox. She knows the creativity at the heart of pain, the rebirth in the eye of trauma, the integrity at the centre of rage. She loves these aspects of who we are. They are her fuel for the journey into wholeness and authenticity. Without them we would be nothing."

Since 2012 things have been very odd. Nothing I can put my finger on, but certainly so different that my knowledge of energy and how it works has been turned upside down. So these last two years have been a steep learning curve…once again.

Society is changing – it may not seem so. There is always chaos in destruction and creation. I won’t delve into this because it would make for a very long blog :-)

With my mum visiting from South Africa for 7 weeks, I had an issue confronting me no matter which way I turned. I love my mother dearly - she is an extremely generous and loving person, but can come across as very pushy and opinionated, expecting everyone to follow her advice. It winds many family members up, me included on occasion. I have cleared a lot with my mother but very obviously there remained a few dregs that had popped to the surface whilst she's here.

I found myself returning to a teenage stance of resentment and sullenness, very nearly having a toddler tantrum at feeling hounded and hemmed in no matter which way I turned. This is nothing to do with her and everything to do with me, as it would not rankle unless there was something with-in me that responded to her - and vice versa. I ignored it believing it would blow over...after all I'd done so much work on my relationship with my Mum. Huh! yeah well...

The swirling in a cauldron of negative emotions became so intense, I recognised I had to stop, take a deep breathe and acknowledge that it needed my attention. So I wrote about it on a group page of friends whom I knew would help me put this into perspective. Writing about it was very cathartic and together with the loving (deeply appreciated) comments pings of recognition shivering their way around my body.

The matriarchal energy has so much adjusting to do, as does the patriarchal. The world is full of strong women, who’ve had no choice but to be so. As we bring the Divine Masculine and Feminine with-in us back into balance, so it happens with-out.

In my reality, I have been focused on loving and embracing the ever changing Masculine into his true potential, but in my quest I’d not paid much attention to the other – that of the Feminine.

She is now demanding my focus and the only way to get my attention was to be pushy, forceful and needy in ways that really pushed my buttons.

Yesterday in Yoga during the meditation I heard the words “I am the matriarch, present in the ever changing”. That might not mean anything to anyone else, but to me it once again caused a ripple of energy through my body…and with it came more insights.

The matriarch energy, in our old world, ruled the roost. I found this role comfortable to a point. My belief is that my children come through me to find their own life path and experience their own lessons. I guided them the best I can, but once they were old enough, I let go.

My mother, bless her, has said on occasion that she feels so alone at times.She has always feared being alone. The Universe has no judgement either way. If that is the signal energy being sent out - that is what it will respond with. So many of us feel the need to be needed and loved and in our old energy ways we demand in any way we can, whether we are aware or not. We are all feeling this demand of change and are thus being pushed out of our comfort zone.

Mom and I have discussed this briefly. She understands intellectually, but emotionally it makes no sense to her as this is how she has always been. I could see that she thought it was my excuse to withdraw from her. This would normally make me feel guilty. Accepting her as she is and allowing her to be herself but without me being pulled into the neediness tug-o-war is what is being called for.

I cannot do this unless I address the response to the neediness within myself. Whether Mum changes is her choice. It is my job in my reality to change the energetics of our relationship.

So I asked for help from my entourage and initially I kept getting the question, “If she was not your mother, would you and she be friends?” Eh? What kind of question is that?

Yesterday during the meditation I understood – what they were really asking is what if I saw her as a friend and not view her as my ‘mother' simply because that changes the energy interaction between us. We are no longer mother/daughter but two friends on equal footing. That changed everything in a split second and again it rippled through my body. I had my usual nosebleed that comes with a major release.

There is so much potential for our relationship to be balanced and beautiful, in the same was every relationship has this potential, and yet I have to accept that it may not be possible.

I tell ya, being on this road of enlightenment is like being a detective as I sift through all the ‘clues’ to find the truth. I am in the midst of a thriller.

Life is never dull although it may seem so on the surface.

I am deeply grateful to Mum and all the understandings brought about by this visit.

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