It has taken me ages to write this blog, which I have done little bits at a time, then deleted it all and started over again and again.
There's been little flashes of insight that I've had for months that I've not been able to grab, translate and write down.
There is one word that has been repeatedly running around in my head -
Every time I think of it, it sends a frisson of energy through my body, which I have as yet to fully understand so I am letting it slowly bubble away until something came to the surface. My body needs to integrate everything that has been released into it.
While I've been waiting for clarification I looked up the dictionary definition of the word - lack of guile or corruption; purity.
It all starts with innocence. Once we have returned to the innocence that we lost eons ago, the rest will fall into place. The innocence of giving and receiving unconditionally. To truly love someone not for who they are, what they bring to the relationship or what you can get from them. But to simply love them, completely and utterly, no strings attached.
I feel like I am returning to that state of innocence within myself. It may not happen overnight, but the brief flashes of the potential is enough to spur me on.
As the old sexual grid is being dismantled, so the heinous crimes against innocents are being revealed.
As usual, the beautiful outer cover hid what was within, as has been the way of the old world. Reading a few pieces about the family - the marriages were kept within the family so that their secrets never left 'the family'. Uncles married nieces, cousins married cousins, etc.
Makes you wonder what awful secrets - besides the banking ones - they were hoping to hide? I don't really wanna know, my job is simply to clear it and those involved do the rest.
So - back to the new -
One of the essences for the main template of the new grid is that of innocence. But innocence doesn't simply have one meaning, it encompasses so much that I understand within my body and heart and yet have difficulty expressing as words are so limited. Innocence is a concept intellectually understood by many and yet rarely felt as we reach adulthood.
My job lately has been to allow the innocence with-in myself to blossom. Like reverting back to the innocence of a child and once this groundwork is laid, everything else will grow from there.
The innocence I feel with-in me is blooming with-in my relationship with hubby. The deeper I delve into innocence, the more relaxed I feel. It is the gentleness, the nurturing and the acceptance that I am enjoying. I've experienced the passion, the strong fieriness and the destruction.
Right now, and not for everyone, this is what I personally need and where I am.
I was the warrior returned after a long hard battle who needed loving acceptance to bring herself back to her centre, now in the phase of embracing and thoroughly enjoying the innocent essence within herself.
I suppose I could have left the planet and come back as a child to experience the innocence in the new energy. I've had two opportunities in my life to leave, but have chosen rather to experience it as an adult...I have plenty of time as I am planning on living another 150 years!! Haha...as discussed yesterday on FB!
Admittedly there are a few stumbling blocks, but what would a journey of learning be all about if there were no trips, tantrums, glowers and falling flat on our face, which brings up a bit of stress and anxiety.
*Sigh* who knows how long it will be before I can be creative enough in my writing to actually give you an idea of what I am talking about? Or maybe I won't need to and everyone will understand without further wordy clarification.
In the meanwhile, we all continue lay the new grid with many an oopsie, some unstitching, intricate analysis and sighs of relief!