Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Thursday, 29 May 2014

Dearest Lover...

Being in relationship with my hubby always reflects the relationship of my inner masculine and feminine.

Oh my, how often do I NOT want to see it. In the end I admit that hell yes I can be a pigheaded stubborn dolt that I seethingly inside feel my hubby is.


You've gotta see the humour in our human silliness of wanting to prove to another that we are right and they are wrong. Anyone watching us lot, must have tears of laughter running down their faces as we throw punches at ourselves, boxing our own shadows!

I was trying to explain something on the weekend. Hubby never interrupts me when I talk 'oobly-doobly' stuff, which in itself is disconcerting as he has a habit of interrupting people, being a larger than life character with a story to tell. When I ask why, he always says that I am the fundi on the subject and so he merely listens.

Quite often over the years, I'd get suspicious that he has tuned out and is thinking on other things, but he always answers with what I've told him when I question. So I believe he does listen.

Wow, incredible that I can command that kinda respect?!

But this time he said that I'd repeated myself several times and he gets it.

Well, didn't that just hit me hard. I was feeling frustrated as I couldn't express very well what I wanted to say and all I heard with my emotionally charged ears was, 'You're talking nonsense. Shut up' - thus highlighting my insecurity.

How often do we feel that someone has the wronged us or has the wrong impression from what we have written or said. We need to justify ourselves by answering and in the end we simply make it worse because it escalates as we get more and more defensive? All we are doing is trying to convince ourselves, not someone else.

I didn't want to go there...for a change.

We were in the car travelling somewhere, so I couldn't walk off in a huff.

I sat silently fuming at the unfairness of the remark, imagining all kinds of dark and sinister things happening to him at my hand, hubby wisely keeping quiet as he has learned to read me well over the years.

It took me a while to get out of the funk of anger, woe-is-me and all those other self pitying emotions when it seems another has knocked us back, taking a while for it to register that once again I'd allowed my feelings to colour my day in a negative way, rather than turning it around and seeing the message.

I am in charge if I want to be - so instead of whinging - BE IN CHARGE!

Once, I'd accepted responsibility for myself and my emotions, the cloud disappeared and the sun came out. I reflected on what had happened.

Hubby's voice hadn't been raised or sound derogatory in any way. He'd merely been stating something, but that something had hit an emotional hotspot within me, hence the reaction. He was simply being the messenger.

The closer someone is to us, the stronger our negative reaction. These are our greatest teachers, hard though it may be to accept.

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