Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Chapter 8 - Doubts and indecision

Athena: You keep questioning what is happening to you and who you really are. You incarnated here on Earth as a keeper of my flame.

The reason? To walk every step of the way with humanity as they raise their vibration and remember who they are. It’s been necessary for you to experience lifetimes along the way, matching and understanding the experiences of others. Each one of you is honoured for your part played in this game.

Does this make you any less of an entity? No, but your doubts are understandable. If every single one of humanity knew who they were and had all their memories, do you think that any of what you’ve created would be possible?

Today has been a day of misgivings. Again I am questioning what or who I am. Doubts, doubts and more doubts…an ever present friend or possibly foe. How can I ever prove who I am, or is it merely a delusion? But what I cannot understand is why I would have this delusion, if it is one? Is there a possibility that I am actually living a dream in my head and that in actual fact I have really joined my sister in the psychiatric hospital and am under medication? My highs are when my medication kicks in and the lows are when it is time for more.

 No matter how much Athena tries to make me feel better, she can’t. That is up to me.

My doubts came about when I did an internet search about Athena. There is so much information out there that I know nothing about. How come I don’t know any of this? And…why am I not Greek or even Italian? Wasn’t Athena a Greek/Roman goddess?

Now and again, I have inklings now and then of being an oracle…a blind oracle but I am not sure when and where. Do I remember being a goddess? Um…it’s feelings not memories and I’m not sure it is real. Do I remember any of the history that the world associates with Athena. She keeps telling me it is not important…but it is to me.

Athena: Once again you search outside of yourself for the answers. Everything you need is within…it merely takes time to uncover it. You want to be a miracle worker, someone that the world can look at and say, ‘There goes Athena’, much like the world would like to say, ‘Look, there is Jesus come to save us.’ This is not the purpose of your incarnation. Does it matter whether anyone believes or not? What matters is what you do whilst you are here and your belief in yourself.

I am one of the Founding Mothers and therefore Earth is dear to me. I have watched, guided and given inspiration where I can…but that was all I could do. Myths and legends were created around me to keep the spark of the gods alive. I am but one of the Creator Gods. Am I a Master because of me or because of you? We have helped each other…you are no less than I am. And this goes for all of humanity. Each one of them is as important as their Higher Selves…they have yet to come to the understanding and believe it.

*Sigh* I must seem such a putz to a lot of people out there. I’ve been working toward this for years and years, not to mention going through lifetimes of lessons to reach this stage and here I am frightened to death and not wanting to take the step. Believing in myself and my abilities…for myself…no problem. But putting myself out there?

Okay, so what is the difference between blogging and being with people? I suppose that I cannot hide behind my laptop. I made the foray into videoing and am to a degree comfortable with it. It is a more immediate exchange with others than blogging. Blogging I can check what I have written, whereas videoing…unless I edit – which I can’t…you see me warts n all. But I can choose to upload or not…whereas being in front of people…I can’t retract what I say.

I know myself very well. I sometimes get tongue-tied, but it merely takes practice doesn’t it. I was scared when I first started holding meditation and developing circles. But as I grew more experienced it got better. So why the trepidation?

And to top it all hubby and I seem to be fighting so much more these days than we used to. Why?

Athena: Take heart, sweetheart. Do you remember the run up to your wedding day? You were constantly fighting. It was your fear that kept the two of you out of balance.

Yeah, I do remember. One occasion I spent a few nights with a friend of mine. Hubby and I had bought our first house together and it was tiny so I couldn’t stay there or bear to see him. I was seriously considering calling off the wedding.

Athena: Your past lives were coming into play then. How often have you and your sweetheart been in lives where one has let the other down? Trust that you were making the right decision and that neither one of you would leave the other or die were strong emotions. The fear of committing once again to a life filled with sorrow, anger and fear. At the time you were unsure why you were feeling this way.

She’s right. Since then I have ‘seen’ and experienced some of these lives to help me understand and clear what was causing the emotion. But this is different, isn’t it?

Athena: No it’s not. You are making a commitment to the world and to yourselves. One of the past lives that you are experiencing is one that you’ve mentioned previously of the blind oracle. Many of the priestesses became jealous and unhappy about your abilities and made your life a misery. You started to doubt yourself and eventually they threw you out of the Temple. The shame you felt ran very deep.

This memory made me cry. I’ve worked through many lives of being rejected by the world at large. But this is not one that I really knew much about. Maybe this is why I’ve shied away from doing readings…I’ve never really thought about it.

Athena: You’ve had many wonderful ideas over the years but never followed them through with much passion. In the main this is due to your beliefs created by your many lives and aspects.

I’m wondering if there is much more to be exposed and cleared. I’d thought I’d done most of it.

Athena: As you lift your vibration you will go deeper and deeper within the cells and tissues of your body to ferret out and find those pieces of yourself still veiled by emotions. Clearing these emotions will make more space for the I amness or the authentic self to grow into its full potential. At the moment your I amness is cramped by the lack of space to grow or fully express itself.

It’s similar to a radio wave. You try to tune into a radio station only to find that there is too much static and you cannot hear clearly.

This is true. I’ve been trying to tune into Azra but find that I cannot hear her…she sounds as though she is talking under water.

Athena: Azra is nudging much to the surface to make the space for herself. You are working together both from the inside and the outside…a joining of the light and dark within yourself to create a balance of the two, neither one stronger than the other, but equal. The portal that you have partially opened is opening wider and wider. In order for you to hold so much more than you do, you are clearing and this is where Azra comes in. She is the dark to your light…and she is you.

This makes me wonder about the creative energy that I need to embrace…and about the skirt of energy and the cone hat.

Athena: The skirt of energy is hiding the steps that you are making. There is an intricate dance of energy going on underneath.

I see myself almost gliding across the ground as though I am moving on a conveyor belt…no movement from my legs or feet can be seen. As the skirts fades away I can see my feet being placed, very deliberately, in certain positions. It reminds me of a bee on a flower, their meanderings seem to be random and yet scientists have found that it is not random, but specific messages. What comes to mind is an intricate pattern of energy being stamped on the ground, much like a crop circle, except that there is no outward sign.
It also reminds me a little of the Sufi dancers - the Whirling Dervishes. They twirl and twirl but I am not twirling, mine is a slow and deliberate dance.

Athena: the rod or cone shaped hat as you like to call it, is the conductor of the energy. It attracts the energy which runs through your body and out your feet. This is the start of the sacred union energy being stamped upon the earth and anchored. The more you clear from yourself the stronger the signature you leave on the ground. A message for others…much like the analogy of the bee that you have picked up on.

I can feel the energy pouring in through the cone on my head, down my body and out my feet. It’s making me feel somewhat shaky. It seems in my explosion, I have dislodged something within myself that is quite large and is shaking itself loose. I suppose the explosion was more than likely aimed at myself…and hubby and our son happened to be in the way.

I need to go and have a long soaking bath in Epsom Salts, drink loads of water and wrap myself in the Reiki healing Mati has sent.

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