Chapter 6 - Spontaneity and other stuff

 

Spontaneity…when to have it and when not to, is a question I seem to be having difficulty with at the moment.

It’s not so much the spontaneity of life…but the spontaneity of being a channel.

I’ve always set hard and fast rules about sitting down to do my blog writing or my ‘channels’ (if you could call them that). When I want time out, I take it and I know my entourage back off and give me space.

But these days it’s getting more difficult to set the boundaries. I’ll be sitting or standing or walking and something will come flooding in. I know if I don’t get it down almost immediately I’ll forget. If I cannot…I create an intention that I will remember…but as yet I don’t always and I will write it and have to keep going back and changing it as I remember more.

I suppose I am learning a whole new way of being. Why do I feel driven to always get it down on paper? Do I need to leave a paper trail? I’ve asked the question and have not received an answer. I probably have to figure this out myself and will probably have a light bulb moment at some stage.

In the meanwhile, I stumble along and give in to the drive. It does sorta cut into my day and I seem to be sliding further down the rabbit hole of perceptions and understandings. I’m still pursuing the idea of creating a balance…but at the moment, I am not sure what the balance should be about.

Am I resisting immersing myself totally in this new world out of fear or is there a reason I’m stumbling around confused?

I have learnt over the years that doubt and fear can be healthy thing at times, because there’s a reason for it. But on the other hand, if I was to throw caution to the wind and do what I ‘think’ I should do – it will be okay too.

I’ve been thinking about Steve Rother’s Relationshifts video. He confirmed with words what hubby and I have pretty much instinctively done over the years. I was sitting quietly meditating this morning after writing my first blog, when all of a sudden a flood of information came in from Athena.

My immediate reaction was, ‘Whoa, stop. Not now…hold it for later. I got things to do.’

And so I put it off, had breakfast and went for a walk with hubby. The sun is out. It was brisk but lovely, the sun on our backs as we walked through the countryside. Unfortunately, my brain was swimming with information and I wasn’t always focused on being in nature and enjoying it.

I had to be stern with myself…well, I had to be stern with all the MEs crowding in…it was difficult.

So here I am ensconced with my laptop and MP3 player, trying to put into words all the info.

I have no idea where to start and so I shall simply randomly start writing, because eventually the flow starts. I’m not one of those channels who can sit down and calm the mind, get into a certain space and allow the entity to come through. I get myself out of the way by allowing the writing to flow through me without thought.

One of my questions was to do with the Sexual Energy that is portrayed on the TV and in video, etc. The Rothers mention that everyone in the public eye is using their sexual energy to bring themselves to the attention of others. I can see that…but it all seems so out of kilter. It’s almost a need to be noticed being fulfilled because they cannot validate themselves without absorbing everyone else’s energy…a power play of energy vampirism.

Athena: Indeed, it is a power play. That is simply the way the 3D world was constructed, each one of you feeding off the other, whether you like to acknowledge it or not. How often have you felt rejected by another because they have not fed your ego or your vanity?

Ouch!

She’s right though…I always seemed to need validation of some kind.

Athena: You’re not the only one. Your fear of using your energy is created by the reaction that you feel you might have. When you were young, you had no problems using this energy to get what you wanted. You experimented with it. Now that you are older, you are more cautious about using it. Your experiences have led you to believe that it can lead to all kinds of complications. You’ve partially shut down your sexual energy centre, so that the charisma of who you are doesn’t shine too strongly…unless you are with your husband.

Hmm…talk about going straight for the jugular. She’s talking about my ability to ‘pull’ when I was a teenager. I could focus on anyone, whether they were in a relationship or not. I didn’t care…I wanted what I wanted…and because I didn’t care, I didn’t have any girlfriends.

I suppose they might have felt threatened. I recall many an occasion when I’d get phone calls from a jilted girlfriend…one of those occasions I was practising at a nightclub where we’d be modelling some clothes for some opening of something or another…can’t remember what. The guy behind the bar called me over to answer the phone to some crying girl whose guy I’d ‘stolen’. She kept on asking me (over several phone calls) to let him go. I felt nothing but contempt for her and told her that if he was that in love with her, he wouldn’t have fallen for me. I never hung on to them…I’d use them and then let them go, when I found another conquest waiting.

Yeah…I was a bitch all right. Not a nice person at all. But I suppose I was learning about sexual power.

The same energy has plagued me all my life, especially my working life. I was constantly harassed even by the loveliest of men, who’d normally never consider cheating on their wives. It used to amuse me and feed my ego. Hubby found it quite entertaining to know that he’d gotten the girl that everyone else seemed to want.

I could never figure out why I had this ability. It wasn’t because I was anything special, a stunning beauty or charismatic or a scintillating conversationalist. It took me ages to figure out what this energy was that I seemed to give off. When I did, I learnt to shut it down in public as it had started to get annoying, because I felt I couldn’t be myself without attracting unwanted attention. And yet despite this, not once was I ever abused. I called the shots. I suppose within myself I was a strong personality and that wasn’t part of my path in this life.

I must say that since I’ve been with hubby, I’ve not strayed or even thought about straying. He’s had a stabilising influence on me…my rock. He also has a strong sexual energy…and was constantly propositioned…still can be these days. He has also shut down his sexual energy unless we are together. We’ve mirrored each other so beautifully over the years.

I can understand how, if you are in the limelight, you can get confused by the bombardment of sexual energies of everyone around you. This leads you to believe that you are in love with someone, but mostly you are in love with their energy…and as the first flush of love dies away…you realise that the person was not quite what you thought they were. It’s all about projecting your wants on another and as the cracks appear, you and they realise neither of you can live up to the expectations.

Since closing my sexual centre down, I’ve not had a problem…I’ve made many a good friend through the control of my sexual energy. Once I cautiously opened up this energy when I became good friends with another woman, but as the energy became quite intense and in this lifetime, I am not into women, I created a humungous fight so that I could back off…I’ve not seen her since then.

Fear again…so these days I am even more cautious.

Now that I’ve watched the Rother’s video, it has put it more into perspective for me.

Mine was and still is an out of kilter energy that most celebrities display…hence my hesitation these days. I don’t want to go back to that. I want to be respected for me, not my body or my sexual energy.

So once again I am faced with learning how to balance this aspect of myself…to allow my sexual energy to run, but in a positive way that validates others and myself, rather than in a way that strokes my ego.

Athena: Many will react to the energy…some in a good way others in not such a good way. It all comes with the territory. You’ve been frightened to come fully into your sexual energy permanently, simply because you fear what will happen when you do. Open your centre slowly and as you do so you will channel it to create the world you wish to live in.

You are hesitant about raising your frequency or vibration to resonate with the 5D home you keep seeing. It will continue to remain out of your reach until you do so. You see yourself coming fully into your energy and attracting all kinds of flotsam, like a magnet randomly pulling in all kinds of things you don’t want.

She’s hit the nail on the head. I am terrified, not only for others but for myself. I know what this sexual energy can do having had first had experience and I definitely don’t need any complications in my life because of it.

Athena: The out of kilter sexual energy that some celebrities display, attracts the energy of stalkers or fanatical fans because they don’t understand it.

This whole thing is freaking me out...and so I will probably continue to hide, unless I am at home.

Don’t buy into the concept of stalkers and fanatics. Change what you see into something positive. Create the intention of living in love and pleasure.

I know I do need to address this, because when I address this, it will help others to find their balanced centre as far as the sexual energy is concerned. I now realise why I am being pushed.

Bear this in mind, Azra is in the process of integrating with you. Using her dark energy of magic combined with the light energy of love you will reach the level you wish to be at without causing mayhem. By using a combination of both magics, you will be able to create a world that is protected from all negatives. 

You understand the concept of creating a wall of protection around your living area so that it resonates in a way that causes fear in those wishing harm or not vibrating at a high resonance of love and forces them to leave. You’ve practised this in your current sanctuary. As you vibrate higher and higher you will attract all kinds of attention and so with the balanced use of Azra’s dark magic and your light magic you will create a place of beauty where no negatives can invade.

You can also create this around yourself as you move through the world on your journeys. But in order to do so, you need your sexual energy at full strength.

Ookay…is that a kick up the pants of incentive or what?

So...my first call to action is to curl up in my wardrobe with my teddy and suck my thumb for a while.