Wouldn't it be good

Hehe…as I started writing this Nik Kershaw’s song ‘Wouldn’t it be good’ came on.

I wonder how many of us wish we were someone else.

I always give myself something to think about. The inner me giving little nudges and sometimes a great big punch or kick.

Hubby left this morning for Finland at sparrow’s fart. Yeah…we’ve made up…a flash in the pan of love.

I’m going to miss him but I need some space and I think he does too.

His parting shot was, ‘Don’t throw any glasses of water at anyone while I’m away. That’s reserved solely for me. Oh, and I read your blog…nice one.’ :-)

Gotta love him and his sense of humour.

I think our whole marriage or the external sacred union of us is going to change dramatically. ‘I feels it in my bones’ as Mati would say.

Whatever the sacred union of my inner masculine and feminine becomes, so my outer marriage will reflect. It is going to be an interesting time and strangely enough I am looking forward to it.

On Monday hubby woke to find that the finger that his wedding band was on had swelled into a huge sausage. He’s never taken it off since we got married. As the day wore on it seemed that the band was restricting his circulation and he decided to go to the fire station to have them cut it off, which they did.

He returned with half the band gone…how symbolic is that?

At the time I didn’t think much about it. A wedding band can be replaced and is merely a symbol of our commitment to each other.

Hmm…and then the explosion on Tuesday.

I can see now that the smoke has cleared that we are moving forward into a new era. How could I think all would remain pretty much the same when we commence this really important work? Here I was tootling along, blissfully ignorant in my happiness, totally blinkered. It is not possible to create what needs creating from that which no longer works. Then I am simply creating more of the same, aren’t I?

I suppose in hindsight I couldn’t really have known. How can I know something that I’ve not experienced before? Each footstep we are taking is the creation of something new.

Will it be hard? I figure that is up to me…and to a degree hubby…and the third entity which is our relationship/marriage. The triad once again.

It once again points to the role of the sacred and divine masculine. What is he, this mysterious divine masculine? Athena says to love him into existence with the feminine side of me. I’ve pretty much been doing this externally with hubby, but I think she is means something different, something intangible that I cannot put into words. Feelings and understandings that come from deep within me that are yet to be expressed. Hubby will be my measure of how I am doing.

I often wonder what the inner reactions are from others to what I write. I know that I can read something and possibly only one word or a paragraph will jump out at me. But I perceive it through my own emotional lenses. I suppose it doesn’t matter really.

Whatever the energy is that goes out to others or that I receive from others will be received by them or me through the emotional baggage we carry.

I have no idea why I’ve written this but it has been running around in my mind over the last day. We are catalysts for each other, aren’t we? Messengers delivering a message at the right time for each one of us…sometimes delivering with a punch and at others giving a light tap on the shoulder.

Without the energy interactions with others I often wonder how far along I would be. Gosh that sounds like I’m pregnant – do you remember those questions, ‘So how far along are you?’

Hmm…I am pregnant with the new potential of me and my life.

You see...how wonderful writing is…we tend to answer our own questions by the time we finish. This is my journal or diary.

Hugs from the heart to all those pregnant people out there.