I was a little sad last night as I thought about my daughter so far away. I miss her. I realised that it is something I shove to one side rather than actually face it.
Last night I faced it. When I am tired I am far more vulnerable than usual. I suppose these last 6 years of night work has really given ‘them’ a chance to pierce any weak links in my armour, get in and nudge issues to the surface.
So often when we talk on the phone and she’s having a difficult time emotionally I want to rush off and ‘fix’ it for her, but I hold back, cos I know I cannot. Good thing we’re living so far apart, eh?
What has cleared? Maybe now I can let her get on with her lessons and not feel the urge to fix it. Holding back from fixing can be detrimental to the body. Will this mean that I will simply accept it, love her and support her without the urge to be a DOer? Dunno.
I suppose in the new world, being selfish with our energy means accepting that others have their own path and there is nothing that can be done to assist them. I have accepted this with others and, lately, with hubby. It seems it must now extend fully to my children as well.
But while I was having a little cry, my son walked in and gave me a hug. He is such a sweetie.
We had a long chat about energy. I’ve noticed recently he seems happier and more grounded. His spirit has fully anchored in his body. He said that he’s been feeling far happier. Those pesky hormones can make teenage life really difficult :)
He still does large amounts of transmuting for others, but he says it feels easier to deal with. I suppose finding out that he is a silent sentinel has made a huge difference as to where he fits in the world.
He has this ‘on-off’ relationship with his girlfriend. I can go to sleep one night and it’s on and in the morning it’s off. I can’t keep up. Been like this for ages.
She is pretty troubled and has many health problems. He is very kind hearted and she hates it. She tries to rattle his cage when he is being supportive. Mostly he shrugs and lets her get on with it but sometimes she really pushes him over the edge. And then when he reacts, it justifies what she’s done because he is horrible. Finally, it lands up her crying because she’s been so nasty. Erk…
But she isn’t the only one. He is always sorting out problems for friends. He’s a fixer like I have always been. I was the one to fix things when I lived in South Africa…being so far away I’ve had a chance to simply focus on my little family unit without interference from outside.
This wise little soul said last night he always encourages everyone to actually confront each other, rather than asking friends or listening to hearsay. It’s a trait both my kids have picked up from me.
I had recently noticed that one of his best friends has simply moved in with us. I think it’s been about two months now and has taken me a while to notice, as we’ve always got teenagers living with us for a while before they move back home. This young man is very calm and level headed and on discussion with my son last night he says that this friend is one person he can simply be with. He doesn’t ask anything or demand any help. He is a calm bay in rough seas for my son.
It’s not always been roses for us. He left home for two weeks during May/June. He and hubby had been having a difficult time relating to each other for ages and he needed a breather. It seems to have calmed down.
Hehe…hubby came in while we were talking energy. His eyes glazed over and walked out.
You’d have thought it would change and he would become more interested…obviously not. When I tried to discuss Sunday night’s happening, he won’t. He said I should stop analysing and dissecting.
He is probably right but I do love to examine everything from every angle. I have never been one to simply go with it. I want to know what I am letting into my energy field. I suppose it isn’t surprising really. Athena is a logical entity and sometimes very masculine in her ways.
Anyways…enough rambling…I’m off to work to energetically terrorize my patients :)
A little sad - to read comments on LW