Quagmire of emotions

I was slightly worried about why I seem to be falling into this quagmire of emotions. I thought I was past this and going on to do other things. I also seem to be waivering between jumping onto my war horse fully armoured and entering the battle and quietly being in the moment and allowing the emotion. Suppose it’s my masculine side fractiously rubbing shoulders with my feminine.

One wants to do and the other wants to be.

The red flame of survival in my throat has grown much larger and seems to be burning something away at a rapid rate.

I heard some news last night at our technician meeting that they are in the process of grading the technicians – much like a nurse – and are discussing with HR the job descriptions. All go as far as changes at the unit are concerned. Recently a degreed technician has been employed who is very go-getter. She has taken over the reins of creating change from me and is forging ahead. Great to see, but saddens me slightly as I know my time there is drawing to a close.

I sat down to meditate, expanded the flames and found myself in the company of the 9D Athena again. Once again I was mesmerised by her amazingly beautiful silver and pale lavender eyes. It felt a bit like dejavu. The memory of the downloading and integration in the underground chamber flashed through my mind.

When we communicate it is like visions and feelings slipping through my mind and body. She made me aware of how important it is that I maintain this connection with the collective. Although I had difficulty seeing where she ended and I started, I could see that in her heart she held the earth and therefore it was being held in my heart. This is part of what I am here to do.

It did cross my mind that I was getting sucked into the drama but she reassured me I wasn’t. Everything is as it should be. The impression was for me to accept whatever came my way no matter how odd it seemed.

While sitting in my sunny peaceful garden, which really brings me so much solace, I heard a banging noise that penetrated my meditation. I looked around and saw a tiny bird at the bottom of the garden banging his beak on the wooden trellis. He hopped around tapping on the wood. It was then that I realised it was a woodpecker. I watched him for ages. I could hear the bumble bees buzzing in the background and the butterflies flitting around my garden. One came to rest on my leg, its delicate feet tickling my skin.

It was then that it hit me that all the cellular clearing I’d been doing lately had resulted in all the jumbled information I was receiving. It hadn’t been downloaded, merely freed from the suppression by my emotions. The eruptions of information were heated with passion much like the riots we are seeing. The delight at the freedom my cells were feeling was remarkable. The veil around each cell is lifting and I’m becoming fully me.

I realise that the information I’ve been blogging about seems sort of jumbled and confusing. Believe me when I say I am confused – it’s a slight understatement.

Athena gave the impression that it would eventually all fall into place and become clearer.

The symbolic meaning of woodpeckers point to a need for creative vision. Being opportunistic, woodpeckers can see value everywhere, even in dead trees. Have you ditched an idea or given up on a project? The woodpecker may be trying to tell you to breathe new life into your project, just as they build new homes into dead trees. Opportunities are knocking.

This sort of ties in with the survival thingie. Something new coming in place of my old job?

Quagmire of emotions - to read comments on LW