Kill your speed

Every morning as I sit in bed sipping my coffee looking out the window, I can see in my line of vision a notice on the pole saying KILL YOUR SPEED.

Hehe…wish I could, ‘cos I seem to be hurtling somewhere pretty fast energetically. I’ve only noticed it in the last three months. I don’t know if it is a new sign or I’d just never seen it before.

What a positively awful night last night. I feel like I’ve been through the ringer.

I felt really tired last night (again) and decided to have a soaking bath and go to bed. As I climbed the stairs I failed to notice our black cat lying on the top step. The carpet in the passage and on the stairs is dark blue and if the light is not on you cannot see him. Too late I realised he was there and mis-stepped to fall flat on my face as I heard a scrabble of claws and a shadow streak past me.

When I peeled myself off the floor he was standing in the bedroom doorway watching me. The female tabby came to sit next to him. ‘Sorry kitty, didn’t see you.’ They looked at each other and touched noses as though to say, ‘She’s really lost it now’ and turned back to look at me.

Okay I know, I should have guessed he’d be there – he loves that spot ‘cos then he can see what is going on in the house. But I was in deep thought mode.

I have to admit that I still feel somewhat irritable – nothing strong just an underlying feeling of irritability along with the ‘couldn’t be bothered’. I feel like I am not fitting into my body properly. I keep having to stretch as though to accommodate the new energy of me.

Hubby is also very sensitive. He seems to take umbrage at comments and we are having little snapping at each other episodes.

I had a terrible night’s sleep, constantly waking hot and sweaty then freezing. My head was on fire and felt like it would explode. This morning I feel a bit wobbly – the headache still lingers – but I feel very, very sad.

I cannot say for sure whether it is the collective or mine. I usually know but this time…

Maybe I am feeling sad at leaving another bit of 3D behind. I have and do enjoy my life here. It is probably also the sadness at the ‘old’ me changing into the new me, although she won’t be lost, just different.

Dunno…but looking at that sign I wonder if I want to kill my speed. That would draw out the whole process and it could be worse. This way I have no chance to second guess myself.

Or…maybe it’s a sign for me to stop being so impatient. I want to do what I have to do now. Kill my speed and allow it to unfold as it needs to. I am travelling through the integration at warp speed anyway. My body is managing to keep up. I do admire its tenacity and resilience at coping with all the changes. It deserves a great deal of pampering and a medal.

All those years of constantly working on myself and clearing emotional issues are finally paying off. It is wonderful to see that my body is able to cope with the changes because of the clearings. Yeah, there are a few glitches, which is to be expected…but I don’t have any major illnesses or problems any more. My body might have groaned at the constant clearing in the past, but I think she is now seeing the benefit. There have been times when she objected and would put up a fight by making me really ill or having nose bleeds that went on forever in order to distract me. But, I won the fight and carried on regardless and each clearing made me healthier and fitter.

Thank you, body, for always gamely embracing everything I felt we need to experience and then clear it.

Thinking about these clearings – my sister and I pretty much had similar problems with our bodies. We both started off at the same mentor but she decided not to carry on because her husband used to laugh and deride her about it. Sadly, her body and mental problems have gotten worse and she is now in a really bad way.

I am very grateful – my hubby never once treated what I believed in with derision. He merely didn’t want to take part.

Okay…now I am really sad about my sister…but there is nothing I can do. She has her path to walk and I have mine. I can only honour what she has chosen to experience.

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