Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Tuesday, 9 August 2011


I wrote this blog a while ago. Athena said I should wait to upload it as the time is not right. Today she gave me the go ahead.

My family has a really bad relationship with money. I’m pretty sure most of the planet has a similar story to tell. It is certainly a lesson passed down from generation to generation.

It is only in the last 6 years that I have resolved that painful history and now find that money is a friend and a positive energy. Each year it’s getting better and better.

But it hasn’t always been so.

Making money and then losing it has been a family pattern as far back as my great-grandfather on my dad’s side and is a pattern that kept repeating with me, my sister and brother.

I viewed money with disdain and thought it was evil. I felt like I was on a treadmill of making it and it never seemed to make any difference. We would have times of feast and then longer times of famine.

But…and this is a big but…we were spending money on stupid things. We were living well, squandering it and then wondering why we had nothing left for the rest of the month. We borrowed up to the hilt and got ourselves into such a mess. A need to buy in the hope that it would make us feel better and fill the black hole we felt yawning within. Yeah…the good life came with conditions attached to it.

Leaving South Africa we didn’t escape the pattern that repeated itself here in the UK.

Each year Christmas would come around and I would wonder how on earth we could afford the presents and the big splash out that parents tend to make for their children – each year the pressies got bigger and more expensive. Because we were so far from any family we wanted to make sure our children didn’t feel the loss and went completely overboard.

Borrow more and it would sort itself out. Borrow more and it would sort itself out. And so on and so on…until finally it was too late – we’d hung ourselves.

Now to try and get out of this vicious cycle of have and have not.

I’d done all kinds of processing and workshops about money and blah di blah di blah. None of it seemed to work. There was no difficulty making it – both hubby and I have always worked…it was keeping it that was the problem.

Abraham Hicks says that when you have a bad relationship with money, it doesn’t matter how much you have in the bank it will never be enough. You could win a million and it will simply be like keeping water in a sieve. If your mind-set is lack then you will always lack.

The greater our debt the more angry, resentful and unhappy we were becoming. We were perpetuating the cycle of destruction.

Watching The Secret many years ago, something sort of clicked into place for me. I made the intention that this silly mess would be resolved somehow.

We did exactly as was said in the movie – we set up a debt repayment plan and forgot about it.

We concentrated on having fun and in the fun managed to heal our relationship with money.

Hubby was a bit sceptical in the beginning. I pointed out to him that when he worries and fixates on how much money he makes on his commission, it goes down and when he forgets about it and concentrates on having fun in his job – it goes up. It happened so often he finally started believing and got the hang of it.

I do believe that in accepting that we had a problem – much like an addict – it was a step in the right direction to creating the healing. In denying that there was a problem and blaming it on the ‘system’ we weren’t accepting responsibility for our actions.

We have since created a different reality and in our reality we are not affected by the economic climate. We don’t scrimp and save and worry, we do spend and believe it will be replenished and it is. Obviously this is within reason – I cannot go out and buy a super-sized yacht and expect the universe to support it. That’s just plain ridiculous.

The greatest lesson has been that no matter how little you have it will always be enough. Your reality will warp to make it so.

I often hear the words – ‘you’re so lucky to be in the position you are.’

Hang on now…we have worked damned hard to get here. Both of us have been to hell and back.

I’m not going to go into how bad it was, we all have an idea. Each one of us has probably suffered with this same dilemma and wondering why someone else seems to have it easy and we don’t. In actual fact they don’t have it better, they simply don’t show the stress like we did. Smile and carry on as though there isn’t a problem.

We have not owned a house for 14 years. I had an aversion to having a huge millstone hanging around our neck that we might not be able to shift when the time came. I have followed my intuition and not sunk roots here in the UK. I kept waiting for something – have no idea what. Sometimes having this kind of feeling is good and keeps us safe.

My step dad invested most of his money into houses and the stock exchange. Safe as houses everyone said. Really? What do they say now?

I watch people around us worrying about their mortgage and ‘their’ house. It is not ‘their’ house at all – that is an illusion as the bank owns it until the final repayment has been made. When I used to tell people that, they would look at me as though I was mad. ‘Of course it’s my house,’ they’d huff.

Hehe…the bank phoned the other day to ask if I wanted to upgrade our account. Said no, I was happy at the moment. She sounded surprised and said did I realise that I was off the credit rating list (or something like that). Told her I didn’t really care. She kept on asking if I was sure and I kept on repeating that I was. She finally said okay, but if I changed my mind I should call her.

This had me wondering whether we are completely off the 3D grid as far as money is concerned? When I was told in April or May (can’t remember when) that my skeleton was becoming opal which would make me invisible and protect me from those that don’t need to see me – did they mean this as well?

So have I finally shifted out of the 3D world and become invisible to it?

Maybe we have tapped into the Universal Bank or the Royal Bank of Angels. I was once shown by the angels the abundance waiting for me and yet I could never withdraw the abundance. That used to frustrate me…it’s there waiting but I cannot get to it.

Is this the start of effortless living? If so, I can’t wait to see what kinda world we are creating.

Money - to read comments on LW

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