Am I bovvered?

Ugh…funny how when I decide I am not going to write a blog, something comes along to jog me into enthusiasm…well sort of…it might be a slightly weaker version of it – ‘asm’ without the ‘enthusi’.

I had a significant meditation yesterday afternoon but figured this one I would NOT write about, cos this is mine and mine alone. I wafted my hands through the air in a shrug. No, not for anyone but me…I’m gonna be selfish.

I sort of feel like I couldn’t be bothered. Odd feeling. Bothered…’Am I bovvered?’ (some English humour) a la Catherine Tate.

Sitting down yesterday to practice with my flames I was surprised to discover three cloaked and hooded skeletons standing in front of me. Hmm…what is this about?

I really shouldn’t ask, you know, it’s bad for my health :) but I think I am one of those girls in scary movies that always goes to look at what’s going on when the whole audience is screaming at the screen that she shouldn’t.

They indicated that I should follow them. We entered a darkened cave and in the corner I could see mounds of what I imagine ‘pirate’s treasure’ would look like – jewels and gold everywhere. Never one to shirk, I asked what it was about. A head on a pedestal rose out of the mound of treasure and stared at me. Ooookay…wasn’t really getting it. I heard the word ‘consumerism’.

Me? A consumer? Really? I’m not a person to go out and buy for the sake of buying. I only replace what needs replacing. In fact I hate shopping. My only indulgence is books and even that has fallen to the wayside. But I figure there is a message in there somewhere I gotta look at.

The first skeleton stayed with the treasure while the other two gestured for me to follow them further into the cave. The next cavern we stopped at had a thick brown sludgy looking puddle in it. Hmm…it looked like mud, but no it wasn’t…it was coffee. Again a head on a pedestal popped out of the sludge and stared at me. Ah…think I was finally getting it.

The last skeleton gestured for me to follow it. The third cavern contained pale coloured liquid and again a head popped up and stared at me. Wine? Wine?

Fine, I get it. These are my habits that need kicking. I don’t do much consumerism but I figure I need to change my ideas about ‘buying’, I only have one cup of coffee per day, unless I am working and when I don’t work, I enjoy a glass of wine with my night time meal.

My three habits are now staring at me.

This reminded me of Yarra’s blog about ‘bad’ habits on http://lightworkers.org/. I see today tnordman and Zen both talking about different versions of finances. It lit a fire under my ass and so here I am writing the blog.

This now brings to mind a conversation I had with my work colleague last night. About how the world is changing and all seems to be falling apart and in its place will be something different and far more sustainable. We will be living without effort. I assume that the above habits of mine use a lot of my precious energy?

I was watching a butterfly in the garden today. It was flitting around my nasturtiums. They always lay their eggs on these leaves each year. The plants grow with abundance and abandon and are a pleasure to have in my garden. I use the leaves in salads. They are rich in Vitamin C and are a natural antibiotic. The varying shades of the flowers are spectacular. I don’t mind sharing them with the caterpillars that will hatch from the eggs. There’s enough for all of us.

Maybe this is what I need to look at. The nasturtiums are happy to grow in great profusion giving a beautiful visual display, feed us and always supply us with enough seeds for the following year or can be dried and used like pepper. They have an organic insect, bird and animal friendly place to grow strongly, flower and seed, and in return they supply us with food and shelter (well, not shelter for me – I haven’t found a leaf big enough to live under yet).

This is the kind of lifestyle we are moving toward. A natural sharing…is the word symbiosis? No greediness, no constant taking – more a giving and receiving without effort. Living in harmony with the world around us. We are so out of synch with Mother Earth.

I found it fascinating to watch the butterfly as she flitted from leaf to leaf searching for the ‘right’ leaf on which to lay her eggs. It reminded me of myself somewhat. Moving around in my energy trying to figure out where I fit in and what feels right for me. We are all certainly shifting massively to great changes.

Maybe…or maybe not. I don’t know, I think I’m on a ramble and waffling somewhat. It’s my brain – it’s tired and I’m seeing things everywhere that don’t make much sense…and yet they do.

This seems a somewhat disjointed blog – I won’t be offended if you don’t bovver to read it.

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