I sat down this morning to meditate firstly about the circuit breaker thing and secondly to find out what had happened yesterday at the wedding. There was so much going on there that I had to shut it out so I could focus on the happenings of the day in the 3d world.
But what did I get instead?
The deep-seated knowledge that I am a strong catalyst for change…and not in a gentle pleasant way…it can sometimes be harsh.
I think this all ties in with the dream that I had where everyone blamed me for the changes they had had in their lives - Past and Present Guilts.
Anyways I was shown one incident that has always stayed with me.
Two acquaintances had started their own developing circle and I attended a few of them. On one occasion there was a woman there who was talking about her difficulties associated with the death of her daughter. She had been to medium after medium but could never contact her daughter…and it had been years since her death.
She was sitting next to me and despite her tears, I could feel the anger churning around and coming off her in waves. This was stopping her from moving forward. I started to suggest to her that she clear her anger, when everyone started shouting that she wasn’t angry, she was sad. Well of course she was sad, but that anger was so strong, it was overshadowing everything. No-one wanted to hear it, so I shut up.
It was then that I became aware that no-one likes anger or confrontation and would rather bury it deeply and not move forward, than face it.
Since that day I have been more aware of coating my words and energy in a gentler energy…or just don’t say anything at all. I have adapted and therefore denied that part of me…well not so much denied it than damped it down a bit. I suppose this whole time I have been bringing that side of me back into balance with the gentler side and it has helped to step back and find this portion of myself.
But lately it has come back into my awareness and I have been getting similar reactions, where I speak what I see and get mixed reactions and sometimes land up having a love/hate relationship with someone.
Actually during the meditation, I was taken through scenario after scenario, not only in this lifetime but in previous ones where I have said something and have been shouted down or people have blanked me or blamed me for what has happened and then move out of my life.
About two weeks ago I wrote something to someone and thought at the time, ‘if you have a reaction and are angry with me, that’s okay but you’ve gotta move on because where you are is not serving you at all’.
I can be ‘tactless’ and at times someone might call me hateful…
Athena is the Goddess of Truth…and therefore her energy acts as a catalyst to get things moving. I have to accept this as part of myself because over the last year I have been ignoring that side and rather concentrating on her gentler side…which of course she does have. I have to accept the fact that my/her energy will, at times, cause a strong reaction and this is why I have such an amazing and strongly protective team around me. If I didn’t I’d probably be dead by now.
They then showed me Aeolus – hubby’s higher self. I know that as the Maha Chohan he was/is very strong and resilient and takes no nonsense. He is the King of the Winds - blowing the winds of change.
Aeolus and Athena in the higher realms are one entity - both strong and to the point – no beating around the bush. Probably why I had St Germain as a mentor for many years, as he is the same.
And this is so us…hubby even more outspoken than I am. I have tempered that side of myself with the gentler feminine energy.
I had asked what was holding me back from moving forward…and I got my answer this morning…I have to accept that side of myself that will cause reactions in people who don’t really want to look or know what is going on.
And so as we move into our new ‘job’, I suppose I have to warn everyone that we are not ‘fluffy bunnies’ of energy. Ours is an energy that will catapult others into looking at that which is very deeply buried…but it is up to the person on the receiving end, what they do with it.
The combination of the two of us is...um…not for the faint hearted. And quite frankly, if a person can survive hubby and his outspoken tongue…they can survive anything.
I am accepting this part of myself, and realise that people will move in and out of our lives either loving or hating us…but either way…we will have had an effect on them that is far reaching. I have to remember this when I get an adverse reaction.
We’re kinda like Marmite…love us or hate us :-)