Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

And then they said BOO...

As I sat down to meditate in the shade, both cats came to sit with me. I realised that once again they wanted to be a part of the meditation, so when I closed my eyes, I took them with me.

I found myself, hubby and the cats in a long cool corridor that looked Egyptian. It had hieroglyphs on the walls and tall columns at various places down the corridor.

I watched the cats as I knew something was gonna happen with them. They both grew in size to that of a leopard. I could see the little cats inside the big cats. This was their higher selves.

They started to pad silently down the long dark corridor and hubby and I followed them. I looked behind to find the dragons with us and I had a fairy on my shoulder.

We finally reached double doors that were shut. Standing in front of it were two white unicorns. We stopped and all six of them seemed to communicate on another level in silence. After a while the cats and unicorns touched noses while the dragons behind us rumbled.

The unicorns turned to face the door and then touched it with their horns and both sides of the door swung open silently. They stepped out of the way and signalled for us to go through.

Oh how beautiful. It was a small glade. At first I could see it and then it all started to get blurry and fuzzy. I kept seeing and then not seeing. It was almost as though my eyes were adjusting. I got the sense of a waterfall and some pools, but it was flashes of sight and slightly overwhelming as images came at me. It also made me feel ill.

I shut my eyes and realised I was feeling a little fearful. Ba’shiba gently spoke to me and finally when I felt calm enough I opened my eyes. We were standing next to a small still pool.

I heard Ba’shiba say it was the Pool of Truth.

Eh? Again?

She nodded. The Pool of Truth is in different levels and dimensions. This is the next level up from the last.

I looked down into the pool and saw that it had a bottom and on the bottom were stripy salamanders.

Not quite ready to face it I decided to go over to the other pool. Over the pool was a ledge where water was gently flowing over it into the middle of the pool. Because it was all overgrown around both pools I was wondering how to get there without trampling on the plants. I took a step forward and as I did so the plants withdrew and a stone step appeared. Each step I took more of the path appeared. I looked behind to find that the plants were once more hanging over the place I’d been.

I moved under the ledge to sit on a stone and watched the water fall into the pool. Despite the massive amount of water coming down it was very quiet and there were no ripples or froth in the water. The pool itself was very dark and I could see no bottom to it.

Ba’shiba had followed me. I am not sure how she fitted into this glade as it was quite small for a huge dragon…but it seemed she did. I glanced over at hubby by the other pool and his dragon, who is much larger than Ba’shiba, had also somehow managed to fit as well and didn't seem out of place. I have no idea what hubby was going through…or where the cats were.

I asked what this pool was and Ba’shiba said it was the Pool of Doom. Ahh…that is when I understood the feeling of wariness as I walked around it.

She said I should not go into this pool. I asked her why, in such a beautiful place, we had this kind of pool. She explained that it wasn’t necessary a bad thing - small amounts of it seeps over the edge and falls into the pool below which was the Pool of Truth. It was this energy that nudged long held and very deep stuff to the surface for clearing and cleansing. It’s a double edged sword, which means it could swing either way depending on the person.

She didn’t know of anyone that could be in the Pool of Doom and survive, as it would nudge so much to the surface, the body would not be able to cope or survive a dunk in it. She warned me to steer clear of it.

We made our way back to the Pool of Truth. I must say that I felt a great deal of trepidation looking at this pool and didn’t really want to get in it. There were some fears lurking within me that I didn’t want to face.

I took a step down into the water onto a stone ledge so that only my feet were in the water...and it was cold. Once the ripples had stopped I saw that the salamanders on the bottom had become tiny red dragons with extended spiked wings. I asked Ba’shiba why the water was so cold. She said it was my fear that made it so.

The pool didn’t seem so deep, so I took a breath girding myself for the cold and jumped in. It was only waist high. When I looked down, the bottom of the pool had disappeared except for the ledge where I was standing. This brought my fear of bottomless pools to the surface.

I'm okay in the sea as long as nothing brushes against me, even though I cannot see what I am swimming through or next to. It is controllable...but the fear is still there.

I had a brief flash of a past life where I drowned in a shipwreck. I can see the sailing ship sinking in the background and I am clinging to a piece of wood, being tossed about in the stormy water.

I later see myself in quiet waters and I have taken off my heavy dress as it was dragging me down and am merely in my undergarments. I look down and can see my white pantalooned legs hanging in the water, a split second before I see the white underbelly of a large 'shadow' that passed by my legs. I don’t feel anything but stare at my dangling legs, only to realise that one is gone. ‘It’ came back and took the lower portion of the other leg. I weakened from blood loss and pain - and finally drowned.

So yeah…big fear. As I was standing staring down into this black pool of water in fear, a white thing stirred in the darkness below before rising to the surface fast.

Blimmin’ heck. I think I screamed, or maybe not. I do recall my heart skipped a beat and I stopped breathing. I have no idea what happened next but I found myself back in my garden, heart pounding and two little sparrows sitting on a branch watching me.

I ran away and baked a cake…a nice big chocolate cake. I consoled myself as I licked the bowl and the spoons clean.

Once I’d calmed down, I came to realise a few things.

Firstly, the energy of the animals from yesterday about endurance and strength was needed for today so I could face this fear. I very obviously did not realise how strong this fear is.

Secondly, I had asked over this last week to be shown why I have a problem with the circulation in my feet and legs, more specifically - my left leg. It doesn’t bother me but I wanted to know why.

Throughout this whole meditation I’d been feeling rather uneasy. Now I understand why. On some level I knew something was going to happen. What surprises me is the strength of my fear. I have faced some doozies in my life, so I am not sure why this holds so much distress.

Well…when I pluck up the courage to go there again…I am sure to find out. Meanwhile I am going to enjoy my chocolate cake…but not before I have my Pilates class. Good to work up a bit of a sweat to help clear out the toxins caused by the fear.

I have asked all involved to put this meditation on hold until I come back to it

I looked up the dictionary definition of ‘doom’ - inevitable destruction or ruin.

I suppose it is up to us to make of it what we will. We can either hang on to that which serves to keep us in our doom and ruin…or we can destroy its hold over and move on.

Um…for the time being I am hanging on to it, until I feel brave enough to face it and let it go.

Much later...
After our pilates class I came back to ice the cake whilst chatting to our son. We both really enjoy our sessions and it is nice to do something with him.

We had a slice of cake and a cup of tea. Whilst sitting outside and drinking the tea I noticed something happening to my vision. I assumed I’d looked at something bright that caused the slight blurring in the middle of my vision.

We carried on talking whilst I blinked and blinked but slowly it dawned on me that this was the precursor to a migraine. I have not had a migraine for years.

It used to start with slightly blurred central vision in one eye. I could see peripherally but could never focus on anything. Within half an hour I’d have the most excruciating pain and sensitivity to light. During this I’d also get so nauseous and one of the other side effects is diarrhoea.

I immediately made myself a cup of chamomile tea and once the teabag had cooled down, lay it over my eye. It was the right eye.

My neck had slowly stiffened more and more during this time. Another sure sign of a migraine. While I had the teabag over my eye I started tapping. I also stopped every so often to concentrate with my eyes closed on the spot. It seemed to be made up of rippling shapes in a semi-circle. The colours were stripes of blue, white and black that kept moving. It seemed to be growing larger and larger.

Eventually it moved out of my central vision and was mainly on the periphery. The colours had changed to brown, white and black – constantly moving and changing like the hieroglyphs.

It finally stopped and I had a bath to relax myself. It seems that this fear I am hanging on to is far more than the fear of being bitten by a shark. It goes back to a core issue that I have ignored, mainly because I thought a fear of water was not a major issue. It seems that is not the real reason I’ve ignored it and the time is now right to release it.

Whilst in the bath, I allowed my mind to wander back to the meditation and  I realised just before I shot myself out of the meditation, that the shark itself had communicated with me but in my fear I’d ignored it as I scrambled out of the water.

The vague gist of what he was telling me is that everything happens for a reason that was necessary at the time, but there is no reason to fear him now. I must embrace him with love and accept that what happened was part of my lessons.

I have to let go of the fear…and you know when I realised that I felt my whole body relax and sigh.

Of course there is nothing to fear except fear itself.

So tonight once I've got some time to myself I am going to go back and finish what I started.

Click here to read the continuation of this shark meditation.

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