So today is the day.
We decided last night to walk along the long beach that stretches for miles. Our daughter and her partner wanted to go with us…but early this morning she stumbled through to the kitchen saying they were too tired and had had enough sun and wanted to sleep in.
So we went by ourselves, which I think was the whole point. I was so looking forward to this. I would have liked to drive some way down the beach before parking and then walking, as I wanted somewhere that would be private and few people would be there, but hubby said he’d rather park on the outskirts of the town and then walk.
We walked for about an hour. It wasn’t very hot…sort of mild with a few clouds around that made cool shade every so often.
Eventually I asked where we needed to stop. ‘Another ten minutes and you’re there,’ I heard. So we continued along the beach, until I found a beautiful pink shell and said to myself, ‘X marks the spot’. Lying on the sand was a very big piece of drift wood (a whole tree), completely smooth as the bark had been stripped off.
We put down the towels, broke out the suntan lotion and the clouds came over.
I asked what now and was told that we needed to top up with some sun and as they said that the sun came out, so I lay down and started to read my book.
It was idyllic spot…no-one around. After a while I felt it was time to get the energy moving. This was when we’d do some outdoor anchoring of love and pleasure. I wanted to sit in the yab-yum position and slowly anchor the energy through breath-work and very slow moving intimacy which could end with full penetration.
Lovemaking which would involve more BEing than DOing.
I looked around to make sure we were on our own and saw in the distance a few dogs and their owner. I knew they couldn’t come closer as there is a cut off point for dogs much further down…but as I watched I saw another person behind them. I waited to see what this person would do…he kept walking towards us.
Once he’d gone past, I then started to worry about him coming back this way. He turned back and while he was walking past a 4x4 drove up the sand, then a jogger ran past, then another 4x4, then another. Each one was going to come back past us again.
I kept searching for somewhere private and whilst doing so found another beautiful pink shell. Thinking it was a sign, I eagerly checked out the area, but was disappointed. I was feeling a little frustrated. Hubby watched me with concerned amusement. I stomped back to where he was sitting and said we needed to find somewhere in the dunes that was private. I didn’t fancy getting arrested in Australia for indecent exposure.
Okay…I gotta admit at this point…I’d had my own pre-conceived ideas and hadn’t really filled him in.
He looked surprised, but being the obliging man that he is, he went to hunt for a stretch of sand that was hidden from the beach. He was gone a while, and even went up over the ridge but the bush was too thick.
By this time, I was beside myself and wondering how on earth I was gonna do this. I could feel the energy building within me again and the more it built, the more frustrated I got.
Hubby couldn’t find anything and as we were discussing it, another 4x4 pulled up and a man got out to do some fishing. By this time I was ready to explode and needed to pee as well. Talk about getting myself into a tizzy!!
We packed up and I stalked off down the sand in a huff, shouting at my bladder that it was about bloody time it stopped dictating my movements. I was sick and tired of always having to be near a blimmin’ toilet and to top it all I couldn’t perform the ritual that was required of me. I was hopping mad.
Hubby meanwhile was pointing out places I could have a pee, but every time someone was either coming up or down the beach and the water was too damn cold to go in and do it there. He remarked at one stage, that he didn’t know I had this whole beach sex thing planned.
Hmm…of course I hadn’t said anything because it was all in my head, wasn’t it? I can’t remember when I came to the decision that this is what the ceremony was all about.
To top it all I realised that the two beautiful pink shells I’d cleaned and put to one side to dry, had been left behind. That did it. I was about to bust a gut when I heard a hysterical giggle from within myself.
Frowning I tuned in, to discover that I’d been leading myself up the garden path. I wanted this ceremony of ‘importance’ to happen in the sunshine on the beach and had set it up so with all the pomp and ceremony of a self-important politician.
‘Why?’ I heard myself ask.’ Why do you need to have it just so? Can’t you simply go with the flow and do it wherever you are? Because wherever you are, is always perfect in that very moment.’
Of course it is, and in my zeal I’d over-thought everything and created a monster. All we needed was each other and the perfect setting would have lent itself to the moment. Instead I was focusing on the outside instead of the inside. What a wally!!
That was when I started to relax.
Now you can see why I never let myself know anything in advance…because I get all bent out of shape trying to make it ‘just right’ and in so doing forget to actually be in the moment.
This is the time when I gotta laugh at myself and how I bend myself out of shape trying to make it work.
When I walked into the bedroom after having a shower, what did I find? The two beautiful pink shells on the bedside table - all clean and dry. Hubby had packed them. It made me cry. Now that’s love and devotion.
This is what life is all about…love and devotion to one’s self…and in the love and devotion to one’s self, other’s feel the same way about you that you feel about yourself.
I would like to think that this is a reflection of how I am with myself and others.
Life is a living meditation of love.
Needless to say we did perform the lovemaking ritual at the house and I was far more relaxed.