You know, in the lead up to the lunar eclipse I decided it was time to release that which no longer serves me. I have done this before but this time I figured this month being so intense it would go deeper. Little did I know…
As I’ve grown into my power I’ve always had a bit of fear of it, so I’ve done it slowly and adjusted, done a bit more and adjusted, getting used to the increase of the powerful me. But always in the back of my mind is the issue of trust.
Do I trust myself enough to be powerful? What if I let myself down? What if in a situation I have a bit of a wobble and lose my abilities (whatever they may be *eye roll* - let’s just pretend)? What if? What if? What if?
Fear of being powerful and not trusting myself to be able to handle it.
I know many of you are probably going – ‘you’re crazy – I’d embrace it fully’. I know my son, as an Indigo, is full of vooma to be able to do all those really great things like quantum leaping and astral travelling, yadda yadda yadda. But hang on here, I’m a slow growing Violet who needs to find her way gently through the tunnels of life. I’m old, creaky and weary.
Back to trust. The recent altercation with my friend has brought this issue of trust to the fore. Trust in myself to be all that I can. Trust in the world not to hurt me when I’m vulnerable. We place such large expectations on our friends, that when they don’t do what we believe they should do, it knocks us back and we feel vulnerable. Again, it’s the trust factor.
I was pondering this yesterday. In my marriage, hubby and I have often argued and disagreed. Neither of us are of the wilting flower variety, so our fights are explosive, but we eventually find the middle ground that the two of us are comfortable with. It’s give and take and through this give and take we have grown. He has his interests and I have mine. We also have many common interests. I trust him implicitly but this trust has been a long time in growing. We embrace our differences and cut each other slack over those differences.
If there is a lack of trust within us, the world often reflects it back at us. The universal energy has no judgement either way. If you send out a signal with a certain energy, the universe simply responds. It has no agenda other than to give you what you ask for. So my problem with my friend was all to do with my own trust in me. Am I trustworthy enough not to put my foot in my mouth? Will the other take offence? If they don’t believe me to be trustworthy enough, yes they will take offence. Is that my issue or theirs? It is my issue attracting their response to reinforce my idea that the world is an unsafe place where nobody can be trusted.
After all this ramble what I’m trying to say is this trust ‘thingie’ is a world energy that needs transmuting. My friend and I were doing this transmuting on behalf of the collective, which is why it was so strong, difficult and amplified. We were reflecting it to each other in order to bring it to the surface for clearing.
So on behalf of the world I thank my dear friend for the opportunity to be in service. This blog is dedicated to her because without her I would never have known this still lurked in the recesses of my emotions. Thank you, sweetheart.
I am tired and off to bed now. You might wonder when I thought this all through. It was last night in the wee hours of the morning while on duty, as there is much time to think things over while the patients snore their heads off :) It might be a bit off and when I wake and read it I might nod sagely with the idea that I’ve lost it completely.
P.S. We have resolved our issue and are back to being friends – that’s what friends do…or so I have discovered – this is something new for me too :) Unchartered territory.
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