Darker aspects of myself

After I wrote the blog this morning about the kidney pain, I decided to get up and have a shower and cleanse myself in preparation for the inner work.

I found that the pain had subsided considerably. Simply acknowledging that there was a problem had created an opening to release some of the fear stored in my kidneys.

I washed my hair and came back to bed to sit quietly with myself.

I asked to be placed in a safe space whilst I do this inner work. I also have mantras I chant before starting.

Well, wasn’t I surprised at what came up? I found myself, Athena standing with me, in a darkened area lit brightly by my heart light. It seemed to be the opening of a cave, with lush greenery all around the entrance. We were standing inside the mouth of the cave.

Puzzled I waited patiently. Abruptly a long line of dark figures with no features appeared. The line seemed to go on forever as it snaked out into the brush. I knew exactly who they were.

During the night I’d had several horrible dreams (which I’ve had before) of things that I’ve done that I am not proud of at all. I couldn’t quite figure out what they meant. The penny dropped when I saw these figures. These were the darker aspects of myself. Those aspects that had been living a not so good life helping me and therefore Athena to understand what it is to be degraded. It was them who’d speared me in the kidney. I’d forgotten to integrate them. Well, I had not forgotten – I’d simply hoped they would either go away or integrate without me having to face them.

The first one crawled closer. My heart light lit up its ugly countenance. I felt such deep compassion for this entity my heart swooshed open and tears flowed as I watched this desperate being trying to reconcile itself with what it had done. It was fearful and yet…how could I turn away from it. It was me. I opened my arms and sent it love. The light bounced from entity to entity down the line until it abruptly stopped.

A vortex of energy swept me and them up and a hurricane of energy flowed into me as they integrated. I forgave each and every one of them and thanked them for their sacrifice.

When the vortex cleared I found there was still a long line of them waiting.

One was behind me and twisted the spear in my right side causing excruciating agony. I remained in my heart and simply sent it love. It couldn’t believe it and protested. I continued to send it love despite the agony. I watched it transmute into its genuine form of love. The joy it expressed was overwhelming.

Another sidled up and started to kiss me trying to suck out my energy. I let it. I surrendered and let go. What it ingested was pure love, totally unconditional and it screamed in agony as it transmuted.

These were the difficult aspects that were adamant they didn’t want to change. There were many of them and so this transmutation continued as each one protested and tried to shake my belief and balance.

Athena and Hephestemon finally stepped in and whisked me back to myself. I am so tired, but very happy.

I’ve finally acknowledged those parts of me that I didn’t want to see before. I cannot ascend until I’ve integrated each one. Much work ahead.

As I go through this transition, I am supporting my body with lots of rest, herbs, water, vitamins and cranberry juice.

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