Open and vulnerable

Last week, whilst walking along the beach at twilight, we came across a very large dead jellyfish in the shallows buffeted by the small waves. I've seen little blue bottles washed up on the beaches but never a jellyfish of this size - you'd be hard pressed to hold it with both hands without it spilling over the sides. It was opaque/white with purple edges.

Because it was so unusual, I figured that there was some kind of message, so I looked it up.

"Jellyfish: The transparency of the jellyfish teaches the inner source within each of us. We have an enormous amount of power within us to draw upon. We can turn on the light even in the depths of darkness through the wisdom the jellyfish. It often shows up just when you believe there is no hope left.

Arles, France

In the shade of a fig tree in the Theatre Antique

Yeeks, man...feeling rather rough- or maybe not rough - more tired than anything. A night of chills and heat, that feeling of not being able to bear having even a sheet covering my body even when cold, together with a banging headache. And constant dreaming, very weird dreams when I did sleep. And this morning my little netbook was struggling. Sure sign that there has been an upgrade in energy.

Arles, France photos

Arles - "The city has a long history, and was of considerable importance in the Roman province of Gallia Narbonensis. The Roman and Romanesque Monuments of Arles were listed as UNESCO World Heritage Sites in 1981. The Dutch post-Impressionist painter Vincent van Gogh lived in Arles in 1888–1889 and produced over 300 paintings and drawings during his time there. An international photography festival has been held in the city since 1970."

This ancient city in the Camargue delta of the Rhone River, has a rich history that stretches back two thousand years.

Vibrant soothing calm and peaceful...and some irritation!

Here we are in France once again, six months after the last visit. Lately each time we come here on holiday, the energy is different...although the change feels radically different, I can't quite pinpoint exactly what is different...or if it is merely me that has changed...maybe a bit of both.

I have so much to say about what I experience each time I get here...but I have no idea where to start or how to explain them. The natural beauty surrounds, soothes, brings pleasure and joy...and sometimes irritates me. I assume that too much happiness gets to those bits of me that aren't feeling joyful and nudges them into reacting.

An unexpected exchange of love

River running through the sanctuary

We walked around the Sevenoaks Wildlife Sanctuary on Sunday, and stumbled across a young rabbit that did not seem concerned that we were there.

It carried on munching on some leaves before turning around to face and cautiously hop toward me.

The faceted diamond

This [bottle] is about lifting yourself up even higher, loving yourself more completely, trusting your own guidance totally and taking all the steps you need to become who you came to Earth to BE!
This clear uplifting Diamond energy will support you and assist you to birth the 'real' you!
We are the pioneers, we are the way showers, no matter where you find yourself right now, or what your past has been....All of that was just a distraction and a learning period.
Step forward and take a very serious look behind your eyes and see yourself, really see yourself......
Go deep, into the oceans of your past and into your cosmic heart...Awake dear maidens awake...time speeds, yet life feels slow, delayed...patience and alertness needed.
Let life wash over you, but stand tall and strong. Align to the vision and purpose of the higher self and achieve through concentration of will.
Expand your capacity to love, be tender, compassion, tolerant and fearless. 
The DIAMOND DOLPHIN CODES will show you the way......Celia Fenn / Colour Matrix Essences


The above words and picture is something I saw on Facebook this morning and so falls into place with the homeopathic remedy that I am taking to help with change - (Adamas or Diamond Dust). My attention has been drawn to diamonds quite regularly lately.

Backlash/change

I am not gonna lie and say I was very masterful of my energy on Thursday night...because I wasn't. I was so far off being a master that it was/is excruciating for me to admit it to myself, let alone others.

It had absolutely nothing to do with the 'newbie' that my colleague has an issue with. Nothing at all to do with her...it's all my own stuff that came up.

One of us

The theme of being a 'saviour' is taking me deeper and deeper each day, as lesson upon lesson and understanding upon understanding knocks into me. I kinda feel like a drunk person as I stagger from one experience to another whilst walking down the road of my life - first hit by the experience and then later by the understanding - only to be hit by another and another...and so the theme continues...each layer stripped away and exposing the next. States of being and doing that I have not noticed before to the extent that I am noticing it now.

Rising up to meet the challenge

We hold, in our hands, the potential for happiness and love. 
It is up to us to find it with-in the maelstrom of emotional signs we place along the way.

Have you ever noticed that when you get ready to make a big change in your life, everything seems to fall apart or life can suddenly get harder? It's a healing crisis which isn't a crisis in healing, it's a crisis in transformation. At the point where we are getting ready to step off of the cliff of disbelief and soar into the empty space of our potential (which is only empty because we haven't filled it yet), every fear from every past failure (or what we believe are failures) rises up to remind us that we 'can't', we night fall, or crash and burn. - Jennifer Hoffman 26 August 2013


Sunday 01.09.2013 - Hell man, these words would perfectly sum up the past week. I have been through many healing crises in my life, and have just gone through another one. I remember thinking to myself a few weeks ago, that if I am ready to move into the next phase, let me do so. And BAM! healing crisis...just to let me know this request was heard...and the change is happening!

Medicine Woman

Walking through Oxford's botanical garden on Saturday, I realised that I don't want to be involved by simply growing plants for their beauty or to eat. I want to go back to my first love and use them for medicinal purposes.

I studied Herbal Medicine (Phytotherapy) whilst still living in South Africa, mostly because I felt it was time to concentrate on the physical body. I'd been immersed in meditation and finding out how to process emotions, but felt I was missing a link somewhere along the line. After that I combined the two and studied vibrational medicine for two years once we'd arrived in the UK.

Detached and emotionless...and finally grief

The moon on Monday 19/8 taken from our back yard

Sunday was the start of a deep funk. I felt completely detached from everything and after being in such a wonderful place filled with love and happiness...this was a huge shock for me and my system.

Listless, feelingless and unable to settle on anything, I wandered around the house trying to figure out what was going on. I was a bit tired but then I'd worked on Friday night, not slept much on Saturday as my nephew and his lovely wife had come to spend the night. What I did feel was tense and still feel it today.

Under the microscope - Part 2

Following on from Part 1

I am going to shorten this as there is too much I could write.


My attention was then brought to clothes shopping. I'm not a clothes shopper. My passion has always been books, although that has dropped to a trickle these days as I am more particular about what I purchase. As for clothes, I'd wear them until they were threadbare. As I simply couldn't be bothered to spend hours trying on things, I'd grab something after a few minutes of browsing, try it on and become despondent because it didn't look anything like I'd expected. Mostly I'd walk out and not buy anything. So yeah, clothes shopping and I are not great mates.

Under the microscope - Part 1

Now that hubby has firmly stepped into and is fully present in his masculine essence, I find myself on the back foot all the time. I'm not sure that I particularly like not being in charge. And yet ultimately this gives me the chance to be fully present and step into my feminine essence.

Relinquish control? Eh? Not on your nellie!

Real Purity Deodorant Holistic Formula

In exploring and cultivating the relationship I have with my body (emotionally, mentally and physically), I do my best to make sure that what I put on and into it, is the best that I can at any given moment in time.

One of my challenges has been deodorants. For years I have tried all the alternatives available, including those recommended by others who swear by it, but I seem to have particularly stubborn under arms so none of them worked...until I found this by accident.

Sucking in my opposition to trying something so expensive, I ordered it and to my absolute delight have found that it does what it says...and smells great too.

Like a kitten wary of a new toy

Experiencing love...being whole, complete and fully present (as much as possible) with deep love for, not only ourself but with another, is a rather daunting prospect. It is surrendering ourselves to the experience of being in love with everything. No boundaries, no restrictions, no holding back. Simply being love in a sea of love.

Yeesh! Who'da thought that being love could be so exhilarating and scary at the same time.

The gentleness, total acceptance and unconditional love I received on Saturday from hubby has turned out to be such a turn on for me (blog Metamorphosis). Who knew?

Metamorphosis

 

Tuesday whilst sitting in the garden, completely zonked from lack of sleep having worked the night before, I decided to tune into one of the patients that had been in for a full polysomnography wire-up.

Now I don't normally do this, because once I leave the hospital I like to shut the door until I arrive back for another shift. But for some reason or another I kept thinking about him and feeling I should be looking deeper.

He was born, grew up in Sierra Leone and had been through a great deal of horror during his childhood in that war torn area. As a result he suffers with night terrors and some insomnia.

Ambushed

Hubby ambushed me today as I was hoovering the upstairs bathroom. He came up behind me, switched the machine off, gave me a big hug and kiss while shoving an ice cube down my trackpants.

The hoovering forgotten, I plotted and had my revenge, only to be ambushed, some time later in my rush for the toilet, by tripping over the vacuum cleaner patiently waiting for my return.

It seems Henry wanted in on the fun too!

Is it possible to change the impossible?

How often do we think that some things are absolutely impossible to change?

I know that at times I have done...and still do. I have been given a challenge over the last two years that I am still working on...but I will discuss that at the end of this blog.

The subject of intimate relations seems to be a sore point for many. So often I see negative responses to some good advice. It is so easy to wrap ourselves in resentment, bitterness, anger and hatred, thus closing us off from change and moving on to better.

Wild Woman Wellness Blog: I am a Wild Woman

I am a Wild Woman
I know, inspite of myself
and in spite of what I've been told
that there's beauty in every age
no matter how old

David Deida: Extracts from The Way of the Superior Man

The Way of the Superior Man

Chapter 18 

Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her 

A man gets resentful and frustrated with his woman when he is too afraid, weak, or unskilled to penetrate her moods and tests into love. He wishes she were easier to deal with. But it is not entirely her fault that she is bitchy and complaining. It is also a reflection of her lack of being penetrated by love. When a man resigns, and simply tolerates his woman’s self-destructive moods, it is a sign of his weakness. His attitude has become one of wanting to escape women and the world, rather than wanting to serve women and the world into love. A man shouldn’t tolerate bitchy and complaining moodiness in his woman, but he should serve her and love her with every ounce of his skill and perseverance. Then, if she cannot or will not open in love, he might decide to end his relationship with her, harboring no anger or resentment, because he knows he has done everything he could. The whole point of an intimacy is to serve each other in growth and love, hopefully in better ways than we can serve ourselves. Otherwise, why engage in intimacy if your growth and love are served more by living alone? Intimacy is about growing more than you could by yourself, through the art of mutual gifting.

One of the largest gifts you can give your woman is your capacity to open her heart when it is closed. Sure, she can get herself out of her dark mood, but your masculine thunderbolt of love can brighten her darkness in a way she can’t do for herself. If you are like most men, however, you probably end up feeling burdened by your woman’s mood. You feel your woman is a pain in the ass. You wish your woman would leave you alone and take care of herself. Eventually you feel worn down, or frustrated. You end up simply tolerating your woman’s moods, while resentment builds inside of you. You wonder, what’s her problem? Why can’t she just be happy? The feminine part of your woman is either opening  in loving surrender (easy moments) or closing in what ends up being an emotional test of your capacity to open her (difficult moments). 

This cycle of the feminine is like all cycles in nature: it never ends. The sooner you learn to embrace and dance with these moods of closure, the sooner both of you will grow beyond the psychodrama and see the humor of the play. Instead of tolerating your woman’s moods of closure and complaint, open her moods with your skillful loving. It is your gift to give. Both of you will grow more by your giving than by your tolerating. 

A superior man sees his woman’s moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement. There are many ways to creatively deal with her moods and help her to open. Tickle her. Take off your clothes and dance the watusi. Sing opera for her. Make animal sounds. Shout at her louder than you ever have and then kiss her passionately. Press your belly into her until she melts. Lift her off the ground and spin her around.