Shy

Thursday, 13 October

What a beautiful and peaceful day I’ve had.  I was busy but it was a busy-ness that wasn’t overwhelming.

But…as I was walking to work I noticed that in amongst all this bliss was a smidgen of sadness.

All day it’s been in the background and I’ve been wondering what it is. I’ve finally cracked it.

When I was a kid I never felt in sync with anything or anyone around me. I knew I was different and was a painfully shy child and young teenager. I’d get tongue-tied and blush very easily. I had difficulty making friends. As I grew older it was less noticeable because I learnt to control my shyness and forced myself to interact, although I never quite enjoyed it. During workshops with like-minded people I still found it difficult to integrate and wondered whether I would ever be on the same wavelength as anyone. This feeling stayed with me until January this year, when I suddenly felt like I was in step with everyone.

Today, that feeling of being different has returned – not on the same page as anyone – not even any lightworkers. I now realise that it has been building for about six weeks.

My sadness is the last dregs of the feeling of separateness to be cleared.

Saturday, 14 October

I am still feeling this separateness with everyone around me. I attended a seminar yesterday with work colleagues. I thoroughly enjoyed the day but underneath was the feeling that I wasn’t quite in the same place as everyone else. It is really strange as though I am there in the room with them but not completely there – almost like a hologram.

The sadness has gone and I am feeling completely happy in my world.

Now the question I am pondering is this – this conscious awareness of moving through different dimensions in physical form and the awareness that I am interacting with those who have not awakened – should it make me feel separate?

I think maybe separate is the wrong word. Maybe what I am trying to explain is a feeling of being more than I am and my perception that I am different from those in the room because they are still asleep and yet on another level we are the same. I found myself observing rather than taking part in the chatter, which is something I used to do quite a bit.

When we broke for lunch and dinner I was aware of so much more as people were talking. I could read the air around everyone, hearing what they were saying but ‘seeing’ the underlying energy. It is almost as though Aeolus is helping me to read the air around everyone. But this is not the same as clairvoyantly reading, that I have always been able to do. It is far more indepth and effortless. My body simply ‘knows’ what the people or person is really trying to say. None of the information attaches to me or in any way makes me uncomfortable. It simply is. I am not sure how to explain this.

I didn’t feel sympathy or even compassion. I simply accepted it and allowed it to move through me without causing a reaction. It is a form of detachment.

I now understand the Angels of Balance. They are impassive, showing no expression or judgment. They simply accept me and what I do. They’ve always help me to maintain balance with their presence. I’ve had the same detachment and lack of judgement over the last two days. Maybe I’m becoming one of them?

In this detached acceptance of whatever is playing out before me, it seems to give those involved a chance to allow themselves to be themselves in that moment without worry. I found that instead of talking, I merely held the space and observed.

I think I have now answered my question. I love writing about what is happening because it seems to put it into perspective and I land up having an AHA moment. I am understanding how to be there in all different levels and interacting on all different levels.

Wow.

Shy - to read comments on Lightworkers.