Tuesday 18 September 2012

Lunch - the Canal is on the other side of parked cars

Excerpt from my diary - 18 Sept 2012

I had three very profound dreams last night. I woke after each, thought about them in the hope that in the morning I’d remember.

I wish I could remember these dreams because I know they were about relationships…but sadly my brain is not releasing any information. I suppose it will come back to me in time.

I have been mulling over how the divine masculine and feminine will/should work. As none of us have any idea – or rather we do but it is deep within the recesses of our memories – it is pretty much a mystery and there is a great deal of speculation.

For me, my relationship has morphed into what it is currently, which is perfect for us (at the moment and it is sure to change some more) – but may not be perfect for others.

I have mostly led and hubby has followed, but he follows in a way that is guiding and protecting which used to drive me insane as I was extremely independent. At times our roles swap and he takes over as the leader and I am the protector. Is this what the masculine/feminine does? I don’t know. The inner masculine DOes by guiding and protecting the inner feminine enough that she is free to be what she needs to BE. But somewhere along the line it has become distorted - both unbalanced.

When hubby over the years has told me what to do, I’d ignore him and do what I wanted to do. It took me a while to realise that it is my inner masculine trying to do his job, but he is not sure how, so he does what he thinks he should. He is demanding my attention through hubby – so I take notice and work with him. The healthier my inner relationship is, the healthier my outer relationship is.

Are we the perfect couple? By no means, we still bicker on occasion and hubby still tries to tell me what to do and it can irritate me so I ignore him :-)

 If we were the perfect couple, we’d not be here.

Canal du Midi, Sete

We went through to Sete for Moules et frites and to walk around. I love Sete, I have no idea why. It is an eclectic mix - the dark and seedy and light and beautiful - designer boutiques and beauty salons rub shoulders with real dives, smoky jazz cafes next to posh restaurants, rundown apartments next to smart hotels. Many of the buildings are grand old ladies who have been left to fall apart and with a little TLC could be restored to their former glory. But they seem to be content as long as life fills them to the rafters.

Maybe the affiliation I feel for Sete is a reflection of me…the dark side of myself living companionably (mostly) next to the lighter side.

We stopped for lunch at a restaurant that we have passed many times over the years but have not been drawn to entering. It is right on the Canal du Midi that runs into the harbour. There were many pedestrians walking up and down and boats moving in and out. We were the only ones there initially. It started to fill up about an hour later, which suited us fine as we were happy to be on our own.

This holiday I have felt rather insular, not wanting to mix too much with anyone, although we know quite a few people here. In fact we’ve avoided contact with people as much as possible, besides saying hallo and catching up with news. This is very unusual for us as we love the interaction and socialising with others.

I have also been bitten ragged by mosquitoes, which again is unusual as they don’t normally worry me. Hmm…insular as well as vulnerable. After my numerology reading I now understand why I’ve withdrawn from so many sites this year. I am in a 7 year, which is all about going within and working on myself.

The insights that the reading have given me are incredible. If I’d had it done years ago or even a few months ago, it would not have made as much impact as it has done. With hindsight I can see how the numbers have affected my life.

There are so many layers within layers within layers, and we could go far more in-depth in our numerology or astrology chart readings…but we don’t as there is only so much information we can handle.

When we got back to the maison I had to spend some time alone, which led to me meditating on my own and getting some insights. Yesterday was a major day of change. I have felt the change very deeply and am slightly lost as we moved up another level. It always takes me a while to find my feet in the new frequency…so I needed time out to adjust.