I am aware of massive change in our life waiting on the periphery.
Every time I try and focus on it, it disappears. Kinda like when you see movement out of the corner of your eye and when you look, there is nothing there.
So I suppose I must be patient and allow it to unfold as it should. Good thing I don’t know what it is, cos I have a habit of fogging things up a little by pre-empting.
What I can see is that my current job dangles little carrots in front of me to try and change my mind…or maybe not. I think it is part of me thinking that I really enjoy my work and so I don’t want to leave…it is comfortable and something I know and understand. The fear thingie raises its head and then I waver and run back to what I know.
I’ll get there…I always do…I simply need to be patient.
There you see…that is the optimism in me that always keeps me on track. I stumble and fall regularly, wallow a little and then my inner light starts to shine through the murk. I pick myself up, dust myself off and carry on dancing a little dance of happiness until the next stumble.
I have wondered about this eternally optimistic light that shines from inside me. I have not had the most graceful of lives…although I see it this way lately since I have cleared a lot pertaining to past lives as well as the current one.
My optimism and gratitude for everything seems, at times, to irritate and anger others. I have been a called Pollyanna over the years for my perpetual optimism. Some people believe that I should focus on the 'reality' rather than on castles in the air.
Lately it has brought to my attention guilt and sadness - guilt at being in such a good space whereas others are having difficulties; and sadness that they are not able to join me in sharing the happiness.
So I have been working through these two emotions. I look at what it is bringing up for me, accept that darker emotion as mine, clear the emotional charge, bring myself back into balance and then get on with being a lightbearer.
One thing I have learnt and understood is that I cannot change what others feel or create in their lives. It is not my place to interfere and I have to trust that they 'know' what they are doing...even if it seems that they are asleep and unaware. It IS MY JOB to look at my own stuff, see what the incidents bring up in me as far as my emotions are concerned.
We are all asked to be sovereign in our energy and to stop focusing outwardly and growing that which we don’t want…when we focus on what we don’t want, we send it energy that helps it grow.
I don’t think I have created a terrible reality by always focusing on the silver lining, once I have dealt with the not so great parts. By focusing on what I do want, I have mostly created what I want, although I am still a work in progress.
By allowing others to drag me through their stuff…on the one hand it is helping me to see what I should be working on but also letting me see what I don’t want in my life. So I figure when it triggers me into a reaction it is simply because I need to look at my own stuff…and therefore once I own it, clear it and bring it back into balance, it might cause a ripple effect.
All of this is helping me to raise my vibration, so that the place of love where hubby and I will be living will become part of my reality.
So once again I am grateful for everything in my life, whether good, bad or indifferent and send my grateful thanks to those who have been a part of the changes I have made inwardly that reflect outwardly in my reality. Without you I might never have come as far as I have.
One thing my very first mentor taught me is – when we make major changes in our energy those around us will react as they try to adjust to the changes or keep us in the same place because changes are not comfortable. I have used this as my gauge over the years.
And yes, at times it has been a smooth change over and at others very difficult. But…everything that happens is ME and no-one else as it is my mirror of reflection.
So I know that what is holding me back from my new reality is ME. Everything happens at the right time for the right reasons, whether it seems so or not.