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Hubby is going through his own ‘dark night of the soul’ at the moment.

It has been building for a while…he’s been looking and acting stranger and stranger each day. He’s been seeing and feeling things that were puzzling me. An example is yesterday…he started to rant about money and how we never have enough. Huh? Huh?

That’s an old pattern I’d dealt with ages ago and we’ve been floating along nicely in our boat – it may not be a £million yacht, but it’s certainly nothing to turn your nose up at.

So where did this come from? The more I tried to explain we were fine, the stronger his emotion became until he disappeared into his cave. Oookay.

So I left him to his own devices and this morning I woke with the words ‘support him’. Hmm…

I have been mulling this over now and you know…sometimes I can be so DENSE. The signs along the road were there – I just didn’t see them.

I’ve always done the transmuting for us as well as the collective. I don’t have much left of my own stuff to deal with and yet hubby does.

I’d thought that as we were heading into 2012 and the start of the sacred union travelling, we were alright.

My daughter was reflecting something at me. I even wrote about how she and her partner were having difficulties and she’d thought that once you met your one true love all would be fab. Ha, silly me – that’s exactly what I was thinking. After all the work I'd done...

Hubby is reaching maturity in his growth and it is now up to him to take responsibility and to experience and clear for himself. I thought I was no longer doing this but I caught myself trying to transmute for him. Flipping heck – another pattern!

I remember something similar years ago when I went to see a psychic. She told me that hubby was a small boat and had wrapped a rope around a rock, which was me, to keep him steady. He was too scared to let go of me and sail off and do his own thing. She told me the time had come for me to let him go. It was difficult…but I did it. We went through the most awful time and he kept on accusing me of wanting to leave him. He felt the withdrawal energetically and didn’t understand. Wow was that a dark time.

The outcome was well worth it, though. Look where we are today. Erk…hopefully it won’t be quite that bad this time.

So…I’ve reached a plateau and was holding myself back like I usually did so he could catch up. This is why I’ve been feeling a bit odd and not quite here nor there…sorta caught between two places. There has been no connection between us, which I am missing so much. He has withdrawn into himself. But even so, I’ve been picking up on his emotions and they are not nice.

Oh gawd, I know how difficult that place can be. You see monsters where there are none. It is my time to shine a light for him to find his way home. This I am prepared to do…my deep love for him will give me the impetus, strength and courage to do so. When viewed from this perspective it makes it much easier to deal with.

My gut feeling today is to stop ‘hanging around’ and go - do what I need to do and start flying. I deserve it…and hubby will catch up in his own time.

I must say that I feel relieved. I wasn’t sure what was going on and why I was in this ‘no man’s land’ which didn’t feel quite right.

I remember thinking yesterday that this was not about him…but yes it is about him and I cannot claim responsibility for him.

So…I am living with a grumbling bear who has more than a sore head. So much for us sailing off into the sunset on our cruise of a lifetime J

 Well, won’t our New Year celebrations be awkward. Last year this time we were seeing it in with lots of vooma…this year…it will be love of a different kind and very testing.

May you all be blessed with a wonderful celebration tonight as you welcome in 2012.

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P.S. Just read Celia Fenn's channel which I uploaded on this blog. It explains quite a bit, especially this paragraph:

'Then, there will be those beings who have chosen to be part of the Fifth Dimensional Earth Reality, but are unable to awaken to full consciousness at this time. These ones continue to live as if they were in the Third Dimension, and they find their lives no longer "work" as they did before. These ones become increasingly negative, angry and volatile as their lives become more difficult and disintegrate as the old way of life disintegrates. With these ones you can unconditional and loving, but do not get drawn into their dramas of negativity and lack and their manipulations, for these are the last remnants of duality and disempowerment and the old ways of living and being.'

Certainly explains what hubby is going through, doesn't it? Man has been working up a sweat cleaning the house today. Nothing like a bit of physical activity to get the energy moving. He looks a little more peaceful now.

Hehe...maybe things are looking up for a bit of...nudge nudge wink wink.