Hubby and I have had a slight bust up and have retreated to our respective caves for a while.
Relationships between couples can be quite intense at times and it is not for the fainthearted at all.
We are both quite passionate…okay let’s qualify that. We are passionate in our own ways. Hubby is a very overprotective, act-first-think-later, sacrifice all for everyone to his own detriment kinda man. Whereas I am a thinker, contemplative, listen and look at both sides first before acting. But…and this is a big but we do interchange these positions quite a bit lately. Not so in the beginning of our relationship. He is passionate with his emotions, I am passionate about my journey.
The energy build has been quite strong over the Christmas period and I’d though it would eventually settle. Haha…yeah right…it blew up in our face this morning when hubby was trying to direct the supermarket trolley to the car while I was pushing it. Normally his overprotective streak has me shrugging and letting him get on with it and then doing it my own way anyway. Not this morning. I wasn’t angry, simply fed up and said so.
He threw his arms in the air and stalked off muttering after picking up the grocery bags (it wouldn’t do, of course to leave me to carry all the bags, after all a ‘man’ doesn’t do this). His mother and father drummed into his head that a woman should be treated with respect, NO MATTER WHAT.
I understand his need to make sure I’m always alright, but dang at times it can be smothering. It used to make me feel like a simpering wall flower who couldn’t do a thing for herself and needed a man to do this.
When we first met this heroic gentlemanly side of him used to drive me insane. I was an independent cynical strong woman who could look after herself. I didn’t need a man to do this. I’d managed to look after myself well enough before meeting him.
Years ago I had an epiphany that he was reflecting something back at me. It was an occasion when I was trying to make things better for him after a set back at work. I explained to him about processing, releasing his emotions and thinking happy thoughts, etc. He sat there ignoring me before exploding and saying, ‘Leave me alone. What suits you doesn’t suit me.’
That’s when I realised I was trying to control him, just as he tries to control me. We both try to make each other’s life easier in the only way we know that works for us. And he was right, what works for me, won’t always work for him or anyone else for that matter. I simply cannot do that for him and neither can he do it for me. So now when this pops up its head I have to take a look at what I am doing to him to make him reciprocate this need to be so controlling and protective.
There is nothing like having a mirror held up so we can see everything about ourselves that we don’t particularly want to look at.
I felt quite put out on Christmas day when I phoned my sister to wish her and she fobbed me off with, ‘Can’t talk long as our Christmas lunch is waiting.’ She went on to say that she’d been getting angry as my dad was talking to me because he was taking so long and they’d been waiting for half an hour. Her abruptness, I thought, was merely her. Of course it was but it also brought home to me that I hadn’t really spoken much to her over the last few years, having lost interest in the drama in her life. Something was always happening so I stopped phoning and merely sent her short emails of enquiry or snippets of our life.
We’re pretty much like strangers these days. What she said to me is how she felt and how can I fault her when I have been pretty blunt with her in the past. What you give out is what you get back.
Actually you know, I’ve been thinking...hehe…not always a good thing J
Being treated with respect – does that then mean that I demand respect from others?
What springs to mind is one occasion when we travelled through Italy for four weeks with my stepdad and mom. We’d made friends with an extended Italian family who lived between Rome and Naples on the coast.
The son arrived at our campsite to invite us to a family get-together to celebrate his son’s birthday. He asked my stepdad the question and everyone – my mom, stepdad, hubby and my two kids - turned enquiringly to me. The Italian guy looked surprised as he turned to look at me as well and then looked at my stepdad. This was probably on a couple of seconds but it seemed like ages while I wondered in my head why everyone was looking at me for an answer.
Every decision hubby and I discuss, but I get the ultimate yes or no.
When we lived in South Africa I was the one everyone turned to when anything went slightly pear shaped. I sorted things out - it is in my nature to do so.
I’m not quite sure how this has happened. I didn’t consciously step into this role, or maybe I did. Maybe I have demanded this of others. Dunno. Maybe I am a domineering so-and-so. I would like to think that in treating others with respect they are returning this reflection. Hmm…we see ourselves so different from what others see.
Do I frighten people into submission? That might be. One of my friends returned to South Africa a few years ago and she bumped into my old boss. My ex-boss is a barrister and we used to discuss metaphysical stuff all the time. There were occasions when she asked me to predict how the energy of a case was going and I did, with some success. Anyways, my friend wrote me an email saying she and my ex-boss were discussing how I cursed someone and he dropped dead!!!
I don’t remember ever cursing anyone but it did make me wonder how much people fear what I do. Brings to mind being burned at the stake for no other reason than fear.
Others have lived their life according to something I’d said to them. This kinda power frightened me so I landed up keeping quiet and never saying anything. I know I am not that powerful but others seemed to get the idea that I was.
I seem to have gone off the subject somewhat…
Time to go and shake up hubby and make some other kind of explosions J