Sadness

I’ve been feeling a tad irritated and impatient over the last few days. As an empath I’ve spent many years being in service by transmutting collective energies. What I have found is that when something of mine is lurking near the surface of which I’m unaware, the collective tend to snag it on their way out and fling it into my face.


The bottom of my feet have been sore since we went for our long ramble last weekend. We could put that down to many things but I know it means I’m not happy about moving forward.
I woke with a start last night after having climbed into bed at 10pm exhausted after a long day at work. I glanced at the clock which read 00:00. My black cat was lying on my feet and this made me conscious that I was going to have a ‘visit’. In the distance I heard singing and shouting.

We live in a small town just off the High Street. One of the roads leading from the High Street is ours and on the odd occasion those walking on their way home pass our house. At this time of the morning it is those leaving the pubs or night clubs. Mostly they talk quietly as they walk past but on the odd occasion we hear drunken swearing and shouting – mainly women shouting at men. Yikes, some women are far more vicious than men. The men simply sound like their knuckles are dragging on the ground – not far off from the caveman - and don’t have much more vocabulary than the f-word :)

The difference last night is that this group of men were laughing and singing raucously and it made me smile at their antics. Yes, they were noisy and it was late at night but they were happy and I could feel it.

Once it had quietened down and the group had moved on their merry way, I realised that Jason from Lighted Loving was crouched next to the bed in his black panther form. Oh, oh, here we go...

He asked me why I was so sad. This took me by surprise cause I certainly didn’t feel sad. I’d tried to get a handle on the irritability but it was being evasive so I decided to let it run its course knowing I would eventually get an answer. I figured it was anger. How wrong was I!

He touched my heart and said to go into my heart, find the sadness, feel it and then let it go. Me in all my wisdom decided to humour him. Hah, did I find the sadness – it was a whopper – a great big mixture of my own stuff and the collective. Jeepers, no wonder I was feeling a ‘tad irritable’.

It all started on Good Friday when we went down to the local cafe to have breakfast. The High Street had been blocked off and all the churches in the town were having a non-denominational church service next in the square. The door of the cafe was open so we could hear the sermon and the singing. Each denomination had their own minister waiting to deliver his part of the sermon. As it was a beautiful sunny day the square was packed.

They started to sing, waving their hands in the air and I was overwhelmed by sadness at their desperation to be loved, too be saved by God. Here these devout people were waiting for a miracle from God and yet they were their own miracle, they just didn’t know it yet. That really saddened me. How different it would be if they understood they were their own saviours.
Needless to say I clamped that one down hard. Hubby was watching me suspiciously. He knows me so well. He started talking about mundane things to take my mind off what was happening. Usually I would simply run the energy through the flames of the white, blue and green fires and violet flame them on their way out. I couldn’t this time – it had snagged my own stuff.

Because the weekend was busy and the sun was shining I had no time to sit down and deal with it - I was too busy having fun. Then there was the night shift and all the happenings then and then my long day shift, so by the time I got into bed last night the exhaustion I felt was from carrying this huge emotion of sadness and not acknowledging it.

I cried for the world. For all those souls who believed that there was no hope, for those who were waiting for their saviour, for those who were carrying the world on their shoulders, for those that were ill and experiencing their own hell, for those who had murderous intent, for those who were out to get as much as possible - every single one of them and more. The compassion and love I felt was so strong I didn’t think I would never stop crying. It was a river of love so deep and so strong that as I sit here I still feel remnants of it swirling around. My heart is wide open.

Jason spent the night crouched next to the bed, watching over me as I had dream after dream after dream. It was a very restless night. When I woke this morning and was brushing my teeth I had a nose bleed. This means I am clearing or have cleared something and is my body’s way of releasing. Hubby asked if I wanted a tampon to shove up my nose like a boxer with a broken nose!!!

Am I finished with this – no I don’t believe so. I do believe that along with the collective I am clearing out all the sadness I have felt through each lifetime. We are all walking this path together, hand-in-hand and I am proud to be part of the changes that are happening and it is with gratitude that I thank the collective for helping me to clear out that which no longer serves me.

I am that I am

Bless the world and thank you.