Portal opening

Ramblings about life . . .

What I share about my life is simply to help reinforce the understanding that it is possible to live with love and laughter, in between the tough times.

Life is what we make of it, no matter how harrowing. We accept and embody this with-in ourselves, thereby allowing the energy to manifest outwardly in our reality.

It starts with each one of us as an individual to form the collective consciousness.

Be the dream.

We honour the light and the life within you.

Please be aware - I upload other bloggers' posts and then delete after a month. This is my journey and others help me understand where I am, until they become irrelevant (a few posts excepted).

Monday, 19 November 2012

Understandings and insights?

Knowledge has hit me with a bolt of lightning! I tell ya there is nothing like getting zapped by 1,000,000 watts of electricity to make your hair stand on end and your brain cells sizzle :-).

I’ve laid off writing anything on my blog about the insights I’ve had as there are too many to even contemplate uploading…and it pretty much would take up all my blog...and time.

Just before the swap or ‘change over’ of entities, hubby and I had to go through some building of the sexual energy. At the time it was uncomfortable but we hung in there.

The kundalini energy had been building – ahh…now I get it.  As it was building I had to have a clear out of the digestive stuff to make way for more of the kundalini.

Reading my blog over that period of time, it makes me happy and sad to see that soul-mate hubby’s last few weeks in his physical body were very happy ones – and he’d had a chance spend time with the entity that is his daughter in this current incarnation and meet her life partner. It made me tear up when I re-read that he was in his element by the sea. What an amazingly beautiful farewell to a courageous and incredible soul who’d agreed to walk this path with me.

The three days of ceremonies were all set in place together with the build-up of kundalini energy, so that it could not only assist soul-mate hubby’s transition over and my twin’s stepping in, but also to put in place the new energy that my twin and I would be moving forward with/in.

I can see so clearly now that this was all so beautifully orchestrated…and it has taken me until now to actually ‘see’ and understand it.

The inter-twining of the two of us with the frangipani flowers and the ivy leaves created a safe space that was held for both of us by both of us. It was my turn to be the grounder as well as the anchor so that the two entities could do the swap. The kundalini energy was assisting with this swap over -  similar to prepping the soil to plant seeds.

The 'first ceremony' on 29 March was setting the scene for the change over which happened in the early hours of the morning of 30 March. The 'second ceremony' on that day was all about planting/anchoring the new entity within the body of hubby. The 'following day' when the flowers and leaves turned into butterflies signified the 'new' us who are growing into our new roles. (click on the highlighted links to read these if you want)

From what I understand, the seriousness of the ancients was because they had to make sure it was done 'properly'. They were anxious rather than stern and forboding.

The final ceremony a week later was reinforcing our journey together as twins.

It seems to me that the planting and growing still continues. Our relationship has changed so radically. But if I try and explain how it has changed it makes no sense.

All of it is energetic that displays itself emotionally as well as physically. He has, over the last year grown in height and now I find myself looking up at him, which feels really strange as we used to be the same height. At times we are the same height…it is as though his body keeps morphing back to the ‘old’ shape for a while. Like many of us moving forward and then seemingly to revert back to an old pattern.

You know when I sat down to write this I was so excited by all the info…but now that I try to put it in cohesive wording, I have no idea how to. Language fails me and yet as I sit here I am feeling the amazing gift the two of us have been given…but I don’t particularly understand it :-) At the same time I cannot actually pin down what I know…a fog or veil still covers most of the knowledge. It is kinda like having a word on the tip of your tongue…

I do miss the old ‘entity’ as we were so comfortable and happy. It feels like hard work all over again with this new relationship. It may seems like I am whinging - but I am not. Yes, it is exciting to understand the potentials and yet I need to get used to the new me, new life, as well as the new hubby..it's all new.

Yeah…I’m totally out of my depth at the moment…with everything. But this is only because my normally controlled world is no longer within my control. These days I am simply allowing my heart to take me where I need to be, so I have no idea what is around the corner. 

It is very weird...and different.

I had my meeting with the service manager. She is such a lovely woman – the kind of person I can see in the New World. I mentioned to her that I see her as a large heart holding the unit in there as I feel she needs to know how we all feel about her. There were a few tears when she heard this.

She is someone who is trying to create change for the better in the face of adversity. It is for this reason that I have been content all these years in different places of work, to hold the light for those that can to use to the advantage of all. Hats off to her, she has finally got the go ahead to fund her dream of putting patients and staff first. It is great to see this finally coming together.

It is as though the river blocked by an ugly dam has been given the chance to flow once again, without obstruction.

And…it seems I have been given what I wanted…although I did not know what I actually wanted – we all have. I won’t say much more as there is still a meeting this afternoon for the others to hear the good news.
This has kinda confused me – again – as now I am not sure what I am supposed to do.

On the one hand I feel like I need the flexibility and on the other it seems like this other door has finally opened after banging on it for years. Why now?

Friday, a colleague and I attended a Sleep Forum in London which was held in the Art Workers Guild, a beautiful old building. After a while I became aware of an entity standing to one side at the front where the lecture podium was. He wore the black flowing academic robe and hat of a graduate, his hands behind his back. He simply smiled at me.

I wondered what he was doing there but no information was forthcoming. The only thing I learnt was that he is/was a medical ‘fellow’. He is not a discarnate being. He feels rather like a guide of some kind. But why medical when I am effectively moving out of the medical field – (I think)?

It is as if all these things I have dreamed of are all converging in what seems like total chaos and has no relevance to each other or any kind of pattern…but maybe they do have and I’ve not yet seen the connection.

So once again I wait patiently to see where the flow of my heart’s desire takes me.

I feel a bit like a dog that needs to shake off all the fleas that have been living on her (sorry - that sounds awful...but you know what I mean…I hope). I’ve always been in Service to Others energetically, emotionally and financially. Or rather I should say that I have always been energetically in Service to Others…the rest came later.

Does this mean for example, that I should no longer financially support my father in his old age or help my children out when they need it, or donate to the local shelter for homeless teenagers or the wildlife charity or for that matter give safe sanctuary to those young boys who need it, in the same way that I should no longer transmute for others or lend them my energy?

It all seems to be tangled together and is going to be a hard job extricating myself from this way – one that many of us have embraced. Our patterns of 3D life that we have created for ourselves, whether we are a giver or a taker or a bit of both.

I am the first one to hold up my hand and say that I was a taker when I was younger. I was a taker in that I believed the world 'owed' me. Over the years I have become more of a giver…and now it is time for me to be neither.

I suppose I have to see how I feel about each one individually and find out the reason I need to do it. None of this is going to happen over night for any of us as we move into a world where each person takes responsibility for everything they create in their reality.

When I move on, I won’t be able to support anyone in the ‘old ways’. It is time to let go of it all whether energetically, emotionally or financially. A total de-clutter - which ain’t gonna be easy.

Sheesh…this sovereignty thing goes far deeper than I thought. It seems at this stage ‘I know nu'tin’.

1 comment:

Sue (sisteroflight) said...

Just wanted to empathise with your confusion. I feel the same way, my default setting these days is 'urh, I don't understand' lol