|Fork in the road|
Hmm…where do I start?
I sorta feel like I’m living in a twilight zone.
Wednesday morning I woke up and decided, ‘something’s gotta give’.
I discussed my impending resignation with two colleagues…basically so that I could figure out whether I was doing this for me or whether I had my own agenda of trying to get a point across. I went to sleep on Wednesday night creating the intention that I would be guided accordingly
The first thing I thought on Thursday morning was, ‘it’s time’. I explained to our service manager very honestly how I felt and what I planned to do. I am giving them six weeks informal notice until end December and then January is my formal calendar month resignation notice. This should give them enough time to find a replacement…but if not I could do some bank work (i.e. be a temp) for a short while afterward.
We are having a meeting on Thursday next week to discuss. I am always happy to chat with her as I really like her. We regularly meet and discuss what is going on in the unit. She is a very open and transparent person and holds everyone in her heart without realising she does this. It actually broke my heart and made me tearful as I feel like I am punishing my work colleagues, when none of this is their fault. But when it is time, it is time.
Sheesh man, this Service to Others is a difficult thing to shake.
Once I’d let her know, it felt like a door had been opened and a new energy seemed to come came rushing in from nowhere to push me through.
I have no idea where the energy is taking me but it is definitely a fast paced winding road that holds a few surprises. I have now set something in motion as I’ve finally made a decision and in making the decision have stepped onto a new path.
I am still feeling like I am neither here nor there. This step from Service to Others to Service to Self is very strange. By letting go of my job I am saying goodbye to Service to Others. It does not sit comfortably and every so often I find myself regretting it, even though I know where I am going is so much better.
Us humans – we’re an odd lot. We’d rather know where we are and be miserable, instead of moving on to something unknown even though we know it will be better.
So now on to hubby. He has surprised me somewhat - dunno why I still get surprised - he is a different entity than he was! He is so cool and 'wiv de program' about what I am doing. The soul-mate hubby would have been freakin' out.
He has reached a similar stage with his job. He has always been such a stable and cautious soul that I cannot imagine him spontaneously resigning…but it seems that this might on the cards next week. Hmm…I say might because I still cannot imagine him doing it. Aargh, me old stuck programming!
What has come to my attention more and more lately is the hidden agendas, manipulations and secrecy of this world. As we’ve both been working our way through our jobs to release them, these hidden agendas are coming strongly into view as the light shines more powerfully day by day. We have always been aware of these agendas, but lately it is so in our face we can't help but see them for what they are. We’ve both had enough of it and feel it is time to move on.
But neither of us are familiar with the new territory and a totally different way of life. I don’t think any of us ‘know’ much about this new way and each one of us blindly feeling our way along the road with every step we take.
I cannot say for sure what form our new life with take. There will be surprises along the way. But one thing I know for definite - openness and transparency will be at the forefront of everything we do.
Quite frankly, we have faced worse things together…and had many dark days/weeks/months. We are so past that kinda thing. This feels different…lighter, more conscious, hope filled…that’s it – it feels RIGHT.
It is simply a bit of fear that keeps me cautious.
Which brings me to another thing that has captured my attention – large amounts of Ash trees are dying. This points to the end of an era.
Info about the Ash tree:
It is believed in many ancient cultures that the essence of humankind originated from the Ash tree.
It is indeed the Tree of Life. It carries both male and female and represents balance.
It also represents abundance.
The ash tree may also be a pun on "ashes" and of issues related to the past.
Ash is the key to healing the loneliness of the human spirit, forming a link between the gods, humans, and the dead in the spirit world. Ash holds the key to Universal Truth and Cosmic Wisdom, and it takes on the important role as a Tree of Initiation.
I find this very interesting because it shows that we are changing beyond recognition. Our old way of living and being is altering – we are moving on. Abundance will no longer be viewed in monetary terms. Everything around us is falling apart, breaking down and going through the fires of transformation. From the ashes, much like the Phoenix rising, our new way of life is budding quietly in the background.
As we take our first steps into understanding that we are as important as any other entity and are part of the Universal Truth, we no longer need the Ash tree to hold this energy for us. We are the gods and goddess and we are starting to remember that. We are the creator gods/esses made manifest.
As sad as I am to see the Ash trees dying, I see it as a positive thing. I grieve for them and our old way of life dying. I thank the Ash tree for agreeing to keep the memory of who we truly are alive until the time was right for us to take our power back.
We have seen this mass destruction of a way of life happen before.
In the early part of last century the Elm trees started dying off in huge amounts from Dutch Elm disease. Elm essence is to do with being responsible for others, possibly within extended families. It was during the last century that we saw the break-up of extended families as they formed into single parent units or small family units without the help of a larger community created by family members. Life started to change dramatically over the course of that century.
And so it seems nature is showing us once again how much it is going to/is changing.